Convincing Arguement

hello all, i'm sherryane.  i am new to the forum.  in 2006 i was all ready to have the lap band surgery but my doctor would not do it untill i lost 50 lbs.  i was 275 lbs then.  i didn't have the surgery because i was unable to drop the weight.  i now weigh 310 lbs and i am 4'10".  i have tried to loose it.  i lost a bit, and then gained it back and then some.  my mother is also a big woman, and she  has had two knee replacements.  she lost 85 lbs not eating sugar or white flour and doing chair exercises.  she thinks that me having the surgery is a cop out, and that it's a mistake.  she wants me to convice her that it's the right thing to do.  she has asked me if i can't discipline myself now then what makes me think that after the surgery i will be able to?  i didn't have an answer for  her.  i didn't know what to say.  i live with my parents and she said that the surgery will effect her and that it's not just me it will effect.  i'm not sure what she means by that...but it's ******g me off.  I don't know if the surgery is for me...i do know that all that i have done has not worked.  just because i have quit drugs, drinking, smoking and so forth my mom says that i can do this.  I CAN"T and I have tried.  someone please help me with some advice of how to handle this.  how am i suppose to find out if this is for me, or am i making a mistake?

One of the best suggestions is to find some of the support groups in your area.  Go and really listen to what people go through on a adaily basis - how they eat - what they eat.  Most doctors have seminars for possible patients that allow them the opportunity to ask questions - GO!  Even if you don't ask any questions, others will and the information can be helpful to you. It has to be YOUR decision because it is a lifestyle change.  Any WLS surgery is only a tool to help you succeed - you are the one that has to do the work to re-learn how to eat properly and stick to it. Good Luck!!!

Hi Sherryanne,                 I agree with support groups.Maybe bring your mom to one so she can see that surgery is not a cop out but really a very brave step into battling this addiction.I had bypass 6 months ago & it is the best gift I could've given myself.It is a wonderful tool if used properly.Remember you have to do what is best for you not  what others think is best. Maybe have mom look at these boards so she can educate herself.Jersey board is wonderful but not too active ,the PA board is always hopping & everyone on both are so supportive & helpful.I don't know what I'd do with out the great people on here..Your mom may be afraid if you have surgery & do well you may not need her anymore or maybe she doesn't wanna face her own obesity issues.I wish you the best & remember we are here to listen & offer our 2cents.Good luck & follow your heart

I got a lot of flack from a few people too.  I told them that obesity was a disease, and this is one of the many treatments for the disease.

For me, the discipline answer was a bit easier for me - I am an RNY girl and if I eat to much sugar or fat, I get sick.  REALLY sick.  That's one of the appeals of that surgery to me.  So my answer to them was that I would have the discipline so I wouldn't get sick.

You said you live with your mother - do you do the cooking or does she?  Who buys the food.  This surgery will affect others in the house hold - you should not have to continue cooking or buying unhealthy foods for others if you are not partaking in them.  However, if she would like to continue possibly unhealthy life style choices, she will be able to continue to do so - as you cannot nor should you - stop her. 

Definately get to some support group meetings, and if you find a surgeon who has meetings or group consults - go to them as well.  You may, once you feel more comfortable, want to bring your mother to one.  I decided to have the surgery regardless of what others said to me - this was my decision, and mine alone.  I had to live with the decisions and complications of the surgery and I understood that.

Best of luck.  Keep us informed - and make the choice that is right for you.  There WILL be lifestyle changes - surgeries "fail" otherwise.  And you will still need willpower and dedication - it's hard to get there, but you can do it.  It will take exercise, discipline in eating and protein/carb/fat portion and control.

Pam

When will people stop thing WLS is a cop out?!?!?!?. Would we tell someone who has chemo that’s it’s a cop out? Would we tell someone who does the nicotine patch it’s a cop out? Would we tell someone who takes Naltrexone (brand names: ReVia, Depade) to stop drinking that they are copping out?

WLS is a tool that helps us with our weight addiction we’ve been battling our whole life!!

Yes, the surgery WILL affect her - especially when she see you getting thinner. Many people we love sometimes get jealous when they see positive changes in our lives. Many are envious that they cannot do the things we’re doing, so they try to belittle it. I hope this comes out right (since print is cold), and I don’t mean no disrespect to your parents - but there comes a time in our lives when we need to LIVE OUR OWN LIVES. Your parents did it when they left their parents to start their lives. Maybe that’s what’s really scaring your mother. Maybe she’s afraid when you’re thinner, and “having a life” you will stop being with her so much. Maybe you need to reassure her that no matter what happens, you’ll always be there for her and love her.

I agree to speak with support groups. You may also want to see a WLS psychiatrist concerning this (especially since you WILL need to see one before you have the surgery).

Also remember you also have a lot of people on this board who is willing to help you, and give you the strength you need.

 

 

thanks for the support and advice.  i am afraid of after a few years not disciplining myself and then gainin it back...then i would have the surgery for nothing.  i know that it's a tool, and i know that i have to make a life style change.  my parents buy good food, and there is no junk in the house.  i go out and i buy mcdonalds and crap from drive throughs cause i do not like to eat in front of people..emabarassed.  i was hoping the surgery would help me to discipline myself and then after the weight is off that i stay that way.  if i can't do it now i'm just afraid that i won't be able to do it after the surgery.  any thoughts from those who have had the surgery and how things are now?

I am 6 mos out.  Granted, still a "newbie" in the eyes of many.  What I can tell you is this - I have no regrets and do not miss the food I used to eat.  I would stop at mcdonalds almost every night on the way to work or in the morning on the way home.  Something about a bad night seemed to go away with a sausage mcmuffin.  I have used these past 6 mos to toally retrain myself on how I think of food.  I want food that will satisfy my goals for the day, not my emotions.  Do I still have cravings?  Yes.  They are not as bad.  I was (and am) a carb junky.  Sweets was NEVER my thing - a bag of something crispy crunchy and salty - however - sign me up.  I still struggle with carb ingestion.  I can eat pretzels and popcorn and crackers - and there are days that those foods sound so much better than a protein bar or a chicken breast.  But, they will simply leave me hungry, unsatisfied, unable to eat my protein, and deprive my body of the nutrients it needs.  When I have a bad day at work - my new "therapy" is to work out longer at the gym.  I am currently training for a 5k on the fourth of july.  I'm not sure I'll be able to jog the whole thing like I want to - but I can jog at 4.5 - 5.0 mph on a treadmill for 22 mins straight.  Never would have happened 6 mos ago.  I personally believe the key to all of this is to follow the program, especially early out, to a T.  No ifs ands or butts about it.  I'm not saying it's easy - I'm not saying the "head hunger" isn't there - I'm not saying it's easy to give up all your old friends in the food world....but it is a must.  If you change your habits early on, it is less easy to bring them back later on.  If however, you cheat early out and realize you can "get away" with this that or the other thing - than you probably will later on down the road. If you want, click on my name for my profile.  Somewhere in the fall of last years posts there is a "breakup letter" with food.  I am an avid writer and this was my way of coping.  Feel free to use it if you want. Pam

That is what the argument is with my mother.  if i am unable to discipline myself now to stay away from the junk (carb queen here just like you) then what makes me think that getting the surgery is going to help me?  If I could do it without the surgery and just eat right I would, but it's not working for me.  I am ALWAYS hungry.  My med doc wants me to try appitice supresset drugs.  I just don't know if the surgery would help me or not.  I'm so depressed and bummed about what I am doing to myself  but at the same time I do not say NO to the foods I do not need to be eating.  What is the answer?  I wish I knew.

 A great person posted this and I wanted to copy it to help those currently not getting the support from family and friends.
Your doing this for you and your health, but I think this letter explains it well.
Love ya Jen,

I have made the difficult decision to undergo Gastric Bypass Surgery. I am on my journey to the road paved to a happy and healthy new me. It wasn't until I learned of weight loss surgery that I felt what the truest definition of "hope" really meant. It was at that moment that light was shed on a subject that has been at the forefront of my life for as long as I can remember. A subject that has pained me, crippled me, shamed me, and compromised my future. The prospect of weight loss surgery made it possible to begin to dream again. To envision my life with less fear which gives my body the wings to carry me. It restores images of the real me that I know lies somewhere inside. It is the same catalyst that gives you a bounce in your step, a reason to look others in the eye and a freedom to rise to a level of acceptance both from others and myself. My lengthy research on this subject both empowers me and humbles me to walk down a road I haven't traveled.

This process is not without its natural lessons and its great responsibility. It is an evolution and a continuous relay from past to present and present to future. It serves as a tool and a symbol that memorializes the stages you must face to see that when given the key to unlock all that is beautiful, mysterious and joyous, the lock to that door always remains in sight. I so look forward to continue to be inspired by dreams realized, fears diminished, and self-worth and dignity repaired. I know well that this will not ever be the "easy way out" as some may regard my decision. I have become well aware of the blood, sweat and tears of this whole process...and I think literally. Just a far away glimpse into a future that may be mine gives me that truest meaning of hope, that healthy air to breathe, and the courage to fight until I am thinner and healthier and my life becomes all I hoped it would be.

>> I am ALWAYS hungry << Sherryane, I was the same way. No matter how much I ate, I was ALWAYS HUNGRY - even when I felt full. I can honestly say, since the Realize band operation I have had no (or very little) HUNGER PANGS. And what little I get, quickly diminishes by drinking water.

 

 

I never thought that eating 4-6 ounces of chicken would EVER fill me, but it does (ok, I may eat a “little more” then the recommended ounces, but heck it beats eating a whole chicken - and then some).

 

 

You need to do what is right FOR YOU!! Not your parents, siblings, family, friends, lover BUT YOU!! You are the person who is constantly directly affected by this. It’s YOUR health you need to be concern about. Why should you deprive yourself of a happy healthy life? The one thing I realized was, if I kept on the same track I was on I would eventually wind up in a hospital due to my obesity. Why not go on MY TERMS which will help me PREVENT from going there in the future.  I will admit, once you have the operation you WILL NEED TO BE DISCIPLINED - but the wonderful thing with WLS is that you have the TOOL that will help you.