Fear of Failure

I am of the opinion that most of us got here in the same way- we overeat. We binge eat. We eat out of emotion. We are slaves to our genetics. We are caught in a vortex. So if we were able to control this pre-op we would not be here in the first place, right?  Yet knowing this about myself- and being the kind that has only been able to comply with "diets" (yes I know- way of eating....) for periods of time and then ultimately lose control again.. and again.. and again.. well how good a candidate am I for this surgery? I guess I wonder if it is a good enough tool for me?  I absolutely understand I need to make effort- and I am and will. But will it be enough? Did you feel this way? It is so hard for me to know I can do it. all the way. Also I guess I need to know the worst that could happen. If I do not comply. If I completely and utterly can't do this. I probably need to be frightened enough of that outcome to keep myself on the right path.  My other worst fear is hair loss being a breast cancer survivor of 7 years. Been there done that. I am reconciling myself with the idea it may happen again. I know I need the surgery- I am diabetic at this point and I honestly see no other way with other physical barriers to get completely well again. But I am fearing failure.  Whew! Finally I posted that! :) Thanks

I think at some point all of us were convinced that we could fail at this and/or it wouldn't work.  I remember thinking in the very beginning that everything was all fine and good, but it wouldn't work for me. Can you fail?  Sure you can.  People gain weight back ALL the time.  However, it is *almost* statistically impossible to NOT lose weight during the first 6 months or so.  That's where you need to put in the extra extra hard work.  You need to make eating right and exercising SO MUCH of a pirority, that before you realize it, it is part of "you" and your daily routine.  That way, as the time goes further out and you realize you can eat more and you can cheat here and there, you really don't want to because you realize how damn good you feel when you are doing the right things. I have many friends who are 2+ years out.  Some here on the boards, some at work.  One girl at work, who was very young when she had the surgery (I think 18 or something like that) never reached goal, and has regained.  She also drinks soda and snacks all day long, and does not exercise. On the other end of the spectrum, I have  a dear friend on the pa board whom I've met several times at support group meetings and what not who is 2 years out on Saturday and just completed running 10 miles in under 2 hours.  Exercise is his passion now. I am four months out.  I can't eat much at one sitting at all.  Therefore my choices have GOT to be protein first, then veggies/fruit, and if there's room added carbs.  Never really any room for them.  The evil part of this is that carbs sit much better than protein (because protein is dense and carbs "slide" right through my pouch)  So when I'm not feeling it much, I WANT the carbs, I am a carb addict.  This is where that self control comes into play. Remember, it's not just a limited capacity in the RNY.  It's also malabsorbive because parts of your intestines are bypassed, so less of what you do eat does not get absorbed by the body.  You will not only have to commit to a healthy lifestyle, you will need to be able to commit to taking vitamins and supplements each day. I love the results thus far - and I love the way I feel.  I do go the gym, I am training for a 5K. My blood pressure is within normal limits, my sleep apnea (granted mild with no cpap) has already improved, my heart rate is in the 70s and 80s instead of 90s and 100s.  I not only work my full shift without coming home looking like a cripple, but many days (like to today) I stay late and can walk (not LIMP) up my stairs home and actually get something accomplished once home. Best of luck! Pam

Hi I just wanted to say that yes you do have to change your life, but having the surgery is what I needed in order to change the way I used to eat.  The surgery is a great tool.  I also have never continued to change my eating habits as long as I have since I have had the surgery(8Months), and I would never excersize, now I walk everyday.  I use the surgery as a tool, and that is what works for me.  I really beleive that I finally found just what I needed.   

Being  3 weeks post-op and 30lbs lighter, i question myself all the time. I'm i going to be the one that this surgery is not going to work for? will all this effort go down the drain in 3, 6 or 9 months from now?

I can't help it, but my only tool is "I trust GOD".

I think everyone of us have feel this way at one given moment. (or at least i hope so)

Thank you for this post,

Miriam

 

 

evening to you  i always keep this surgery front and center -- i refuse to be fat ever again -- i will win this time -- i can drive by burger king now because i do not want to be fat -- i  look at other people who are sitting in burger king and i think 'my god how could you sit there and eat that crap that isn't even good for you probably to get diahrrea in 10 minutes' and i think like that alot -- when we go to restaurants now i think 'oh my got how could i sit here before and eat all that bread and butter and a salad and a soup and a dinner AND dessert???' i go food shopping and think the same way "how can they buy that? don't they know how much sugar is in that??''  i ALWAYS watch what other people eat -- ross included or ross especially -- my god how can he eat chips?? everyday!! -- doesn't he know he'll get fat again if he keeps eating those f'en chips!! and then i get mad at him -- but i h ave to remember that i had this surgery for me and me only -- he did not have the surgery for me and i shouldn't yell at him for what he eats -- and i really think that by watching other people i keep myself in check -- i make sure i follow the basic steps every day -- protein first -- 64oz at least of fluid -- protein first -- no matter what meal or snack or even a can of soup -- i will eat the protein first -- veggies second -- and then the carbs -- i had dinner (a grilled cheese with salami) at 6:30 -- it's now 7:30 -- i am still full -- i haven't had anything to drink yet cuz i'm still full and i know that there is no place to put any liquid at the moment  this surgery will work for you if you want it too -- the worst that will happen is you will gain all the weight back -- and we all know that when lost weight comes back it always brings friends!!  as for the hair loss -- i lost my hair before too due to medical treatments -- but it grew back too -- i was scared of the stories i heard about ppl losing their hair -- at 15 mths out i have not lost any hair -- i believe that this is because i have always kept up with my protein -- and i dont' stress over this surgery -- i knew that if i followed the instructions i would lose weight -- so why stress over it -- it was going to come off -- not in 1 month like some people want -- but within a time frame of 18 months i was told -- i'll give myself those full 18 months -- i'm trying to  maintain right now -- and last month i gained a pound -- woopty doo -- a whole pound -- i will not beat myself up over it -- 1 lb out of the 103 i lost -- i'll take it  this is not a diet for me -- it's my way of life -- and if no one likes how i eat or how i look -- well that's on them -- i'm comfortable with ME -- i had this surgery for ME -- and every day i make choices -- i choose to eat protein first -- i choose to keep my butt out of burger king -- i choose not to fill up on carbs -- i make good choices for myself today -- can the weight come back -- YUP as soon as i start to make really stupid choices -- besides buying those stupid little evil wheat thins  well i should say -- make stupid choices on a regular basis -- i've had candy -- i've had mashed potatoes -- i've had cake and cookies -- but not like before the surgery -- i have to keep it real  do  you want the surgery? why do you want the surgery? how will the surgery give you a better way of life? are you willing to take vitamins everyday? are you willing to take the risk of getting sick if you eat too much? are you willing to take the risk of getting sick if you eat too fast? are you willing to take the risk of getting sick if you eat something that does not agree with your new intestinal set up? are you willing to say NO to foods you always liked? and are you willing to do this on a daily basis for as long as it takes to keep yourself healthy?  i sort of apply the AA and NA way of life to my eating habits -- just for today.... and i keep it in today that i will live like this -- i don't look into tomorrow -- i might not be here - -i could be dead by then -- so i have to keep it in today  good luck to you take care any questions just shout out to us -- we have all been there and we are all here  roberta

if u start out by thinking that you will not change your life, then you wont. if u start out by thinking that there is a "tool" out there to help me change your life, you will change your life. i was almost 58 when i had this surgery.  i had not successfully lost weight for many years. there was always another excuse for me.  then my doctor gave me a "tool" for change.  i use it every day.  i have lost 120 pounds.  i work at this every day. some days are better than other days.  i have learned to view what i eat in a different light. i have learned that life goes on without foods that i thought i had to have. i make better choices, and yes they are choices and we all have them. ive learned that one bad meal, or bad choice is not the end of the world. today is one day, tomorrow i can do better.  i used to think that because i was brought up on three square meals a day, that there was no other way.   there are other ways.  we all find our way.  some days breakfast is two mozzarella cheese sticks.   thats not bad, thats good protein.  its a matter of re-learning years of poor choices often dictated by other people in our life. do this for you, make choices that are good for you.  only you can do this in the end.  with the surgery you receive a gift, what you do with this gift is determined by you every day for the rest of your life good luck, jacki

I have to say that I am almost 6 mos. out and I have had the feeling that I am going to fail almost every day. I'll be totally honest, the road has not been easy for me. The weight has never seemed to "fall off." I am the queen of stalls. I feel like I've worked hard for every pound. I exercise religiously and get my water in everyday. I generally do well with my protein (although I have been letting carbs sneak back in a little too much.) I hadn't imagined it would still take so much self control to not eat what I shouldn't. Sometimes it does feel like being on a never-ending diet. Having said all that, I do not regret having the surgery for one minute. I am down 76 lbs. with 35-45 more to go (depending on who you ask). I have never lost this amount of weight before. I never could have done it without the surgery.  As to the hairloss, yes it happens. I feel like I lose half a head of hair a day...but no one else can tell. I really haven't heard of anyone going bald. I think that's just a myth. I wouldn't worry about it too much, and I certainly wouldn't let it stop me from having the surgery. If you are truly ready for the surgery, you will know. You will want it so bad that it consumes your every thought. No bad stories will make you doubt yourself. When you are ready, nothing will stop you. Good luck to you.

Hi, I would recommend that you explore all of your surgery options. Visit the duodenal switch forum.  It is not my surgery of choice, but people seem to lose more weight and keep it off longer than with any other surgery. Their diet is not as limited as with other surgeries and everyone seems able to eat "normal quantities"of "normal foods" and still lose a lot of weight.   DSers have more malabsorbtion than those who choose RNY, so they must take more supplements to avoid malnutrition.  Check it out and see what you think.  Good luck with your WLS journey! Leah ETA: You mentioned that you didn't know if the RNY "tool" would work for you.  The DSers do not consider the DS a tool that THEY have to work, they say the DS does the work for them.  That's why I thought it might be something you want to consider.

Hi finghtinback, Your fear is quite common, and why shouldn't it be!  In the past many 'diets' have failed.  Many were successful for a while and then you stopped working it and regained weight. The same is true for weight loss surgery.  Except that the hope is the proceedures give you a real chance to change your behavior and your lifestyle. My advice, get as much support as you need to cement the changes. Exercise, therapy and nutritionist etc. Good luck, Dr Mike

Like others have said check out ALL of the surgerys to see what is best for you. I had the DS Done and Love it and i am only 3 Months out i lost 66LB so far. all i can Say I LOVE MY DS.