Common Fears

Hi All, Having seen over a thousand pre-surgical patients I can tell you that the most common fear is that "weight loss surgery will fail me" or that even if I lose the weight "I will gain it back".  This seems linked to the fact that countless dieting attempts in the past have failed. My question is....What are or what were your other fears?  My goal in asking this question is to normalize the fears that people have.  Most fears will be shared by many.  If we could come up with the three most common fears it would be great. Thanks in advance for your bravery! Dr. Mike

A fear I had was that because of my lifelong obesity, and numerous co-morbidities, something would go wrong during the surgery.  I wasn't so afraid of dying on the OR table, but of living, with some sort of permanent loss of function.  Like I would have stroked out, or shot a clot, etc, and wound up living fat and dependant on someone else for everything, like brushing my teeth, dressing, etc.    A life like that, due to my choice to have WLS, would have been worse than dying, and I was afraid.    Hmmmm,  wonder if this will be one of the common fears, or if my head is 'special'!.        Mary C (edited due to typo)

Hi Mary, While I am sure that you are special, I have heard your concern voiced by others. How common it is.... we will see as others respond. Thank you for sharing, many have viewed this thread so far but only you have responded. I hope others will! Dr. Mike

My 100% main concern is dieing!!!!!!!!!!  I am  so Nervous about it and my date isn't until 11/26.

Dr Mike I'm scheduled for RNY on Nov 7...I'd say one of my biggest concerns is: what will weight loss do to my relationships...with my husband, with my friends, with my son....I hear so much on this site about divorce or jealous friends etc. it just makes me very aware of paying attention to these important people and trying to communicate well. Heather

Eugene, Heather..... Thanks for adding to the mix. I hope your honesty prompts more responses from our community..... Dr. Mike

I have a few fears, some of which have been mentioned.  Today is the surgery date, so these fears may be slightly elevated at the moment as I am only 3 1/2 hours away. 1)  Complications which would make me disabled and dependent.  I am a very independent woman and don't even want help after surgery (although I have accepted it, and have a very loving husband who will be there with me and has already informed me it will be futile to refuse help because he's doing it end of story) 2)  Failure.  Not able to maintain the weight loss.  I have a friend who slid right back into her old habits.  Granted, she lost over 200 pounds...."only" gained 50 of it back, but still had about 100 pounds to lose, so now she has 150 pounds to lose.  It's scary. 3)  Dealing with stress other than with food.  I realize HOW much I emotionally eat.  How do I deal with these things constructively without shoving food down my throat?  I have already started dealing with stress in a more positive manner, but I still have a LOOOOONG way to come. 4)  Having my relationship change.  My husband has already said he married me heavy, he loves me for who I am, and doesn't need me to change for him.  I am doing this for me and for my health.  I am 26 with pre diabetes, borderline hypertenstion and such severe joint pain after working, it's ridiculous.  I hope he still loves the skinny me. Pam

Pam, I wish you the very best with your surgery today.    (Grinning)  you'll be reading this post surgery, so that put's fear # 1 to rest.    With the rest of your fears, I think you've captured us as a group.  I admit, I've thought of all of those things also, just not as eloquently.  I think having a support group, even just online, allows us to name those fears, and hear how others are dealing with them.  Others who are in the same boat, and can throw us a lifeline!    Keep posting, keep reading, and we'll all celebrate our success (and challenges) together!   Happy Surgery Day, and here's to a healthier future!   Mary C

My 2 biggest fears:
1. Having a heart attack in the OR (I have heart disease)
2. The surgery not working for me

So the big fears so far are:        In no particular order. 1.  Surgery complications 2.  Surgery not producing results (failure) 3.  Weight loss producing an unwanted change in a relationship Might someone expand on 3 ? Dr. Mike