One year ago....yesterday
(I've also added pics to my profile) One year ago today, I was 215 pounds heavier. I’ve lost a total of 98 inches:
· 22” in my waist, 11” in my thighs, 11” in my ankles, 9” in my arms, 22” in my hips, 5” in my neck, 18” in my bust
One year ago today I was on my way to my new life. My family and friends waited patiently with me all day, as my 9:30am surgery call time turned into a 2pm show; without their company that day to make the time go by, I would have never made it. I was in and out with no complications. I stayed 3 days in the hospital and went home with a prescription for Percocet – took one that night, just to help me sleep, and it didn’t do that, so I never took it again. In fact, I never took anything for pain once I was home. Shocking, for me, a former druggy! I had only one complication, a week later, fluid was leaking out of the bottom of my incision, which warranted a visit to the ER. They called it a seroma; nothing serious and completely normal. The hardest part of recovery was not being able to sleep on my s tomach; hence, I didn’t get much sleep in the beginning. I can honestly say that I have no regrets. I’ve never said that I am sorry I did this. I did, and still do, have those days I feel not so thrilled with life, but I believe that even you skinny people have those days. Now a full year out, I can say the surgery was the easy part. Pre-surgery, for those 2 years, I focused so much on the surgery and the fear consumed me, I gave little to no thought about post-op life. The first 6 months were the hardest; no, it was hell. It was not until after then, things got a little easier, well, not easy, but I started to get used to life a little bit. After those 6 months, I began to notice the changes in not only my overall health, and my appearance, but in my life itself. Then the clothing sizes began to really drop and the fun began! I still have a hard time seeing the changes for myself and am always surprised to see everyone’s reacti ons. Deep down I know this was the BEST thing I ever did for myself, but I find myself looking ahead and become discouraged at the thought of how much farther I have yet to go to get me to ‘normal’.
One Year Ago...
- I could fit hardly anywhere. Today I can fit almost anywhere.
- I couldn’t find clothes in town that would fit. I had to order everything online. Today I fit into clothes right off the rack
- I couldn’t leave my house without worrying about how I looked, what people would say about how I looked and without feeling like an embarrassment. Today I walk with my head held high and rarely worry about any of those old issues.
- I had not owned a jacket in years as nothing would fit. Today I look forward to buying my first REAL winter jacket.
- I couldn’t put my shoes and socks on with out sitting down on the bed or couch and half killing myself trying to reach. Today I can put them on standing on one foot AND still breathe.
- I could only wear and buy sweat pants as they were all that I was comfortable in. Today I will NEVER buy another pair of sweat pants again.
- I had to use clothes pins to hold my cloths on hangers as the necks were so large they wouldn’t stay on the hanger alone. Today my shirts not only stay on the hangers alone but hard HALF the length they used to be.
- I hated the way I looked and didn’t feel attractive. Today I feel wonderful! Have done more to take care of my outward appearance in the last couple months then I have done in the many YEARS!
- Would never have thought of joining a gym as I couldn’t take the humiliation of being the largest person there. Today I joined a gym and actually do aqua exercise! (I unfortunately, don’t have the courage yet to go to the gym alone).
- Couldn’t live without air conditioning. Today, I barely use it. In fact, I have used a portable heater for most of the summer!
- I used to not open my door when people came over as I didn’t want them to see me. Now my doors are rarely shut.
- Even getting my hair done was an unpleasant experience, as I couldn’t fit all the way into those chairs. Today I look forward to those appointments and getting pampered while I’m there.
- Had a shadow that could shade a small country. Today I look at my shadow and still have to ask “Is that really me?”
- Was self conscious instead of self confident. Today I am a little bit self confident instead of self conscious.
- Was always tired and felt blah. Today I get up early and feel great!! I have so much energy.
-Had to pay high prices for clothing. Plus size clothes are not cheap. Today I buy off the rack!
- Had a terrible time sleeping and would always toss and turn and get up all night long due to my weight. Today I sleep like a baby and do not wake hurting anymore.
- Would not have caught me in family photos (as proof I could only find about 5 photos since 2000 with me IN them). Today you can’t keep me out of the picture!
- Could not take walks as I could barely make it around my yard let alone down the street. Today I walk and never once get out of breath! I’ve even been told I walk faster than others!
- Wore dark-colored, ugly clothing, clothes that I hated, wore them just because they fit. Today, I actually have choices in my wardrobe, and wear all colors and styles, because they look good, not just because they fit!
- Hated looking in the mirror and rarely saw a full length view as I just didn’t want to know. Today I have a full length mirror in my bedroom and look in it every morning!
- That I used to over flow in most chairs no matter how large they were. Today I feel small in most chairs.
- I had boobs that would smother me if I lay on my back. (That’s a lie; they weren’t that big to begin with!) Today they are basically gone and I don't mind a bit.
- Used to need food to satisfy my mind that I wasn't starving. Today am finding it hard to want to even eat at all and find most times when we eat out its an eye opener to how much food they serve.
- I used to have to worry what I stepped on or got on in stores as I was over the max weight limit by 100’s of pounds at times. Today I don’t worry about it at all and flop down in chairs or jump on equipment with out a second thought.
- I used to wear shirts that went to my knees as I was sure it was “hiding it all”. Today I find that I am looking for shirts that are shorter and don’t go over my butt.
- Sonny and Sofia couldn’t sit on my lap as there was no lap to sit on – they kind of sat on my stomach. Today they sit on my lap and I have room to spare, and I just want to keep them there forever. I have a lap!
- I outweighed everyone I know. Today, I actually feel smaller than a lot of those people.
I would have never gone to a concert or event, in fact, missed many events for well over 15 years. Today I’ve gone to 2 concerts, and fit in those tiny stadium seats!! And WALKED a lot and never broke a sweat!
-Would have never stepped foot on the beach, nor been able to walk through that sand without having a coronary. Today, you can’t get me off the beach and I sported my first tan – ever!
-Rarely accepted invitations for picnics, parties, to go anywhere… missed out on many events. Today, you can’t keep me home; in fact, I began inviting myself places instead of waiting around to be asked! I just want to do all the things I haven’t done in forever.
-I would have never considered elective surgery of any type…. Today, I am grateful I had the courage to make that life changing decision.
And many, many more things are different.
Milestones I have watched come and go...
- October 31st/Two weeks post op
o Lost 35 pounds! I couldn’t believe it – I made them weigh me 3 times just to make sure it was right!
o Came off blood pressure meds - my blood pressure was 132/73 – and has remained “perfect” ever since
- December– lost 51 pounds since surgery
- January
o Lost 80 pounds!
o Joined a gym!
- February - made my personal goal – to lose 100 pounds in 4 months! When I asked my doctor how much he thought I’d lose in a year, he said, that’s hard to tell, since most people don’t lose 100 pounds in a year, and you’ve done that in 4 months
March
o First clothes shopping trip at a real store – and clothes actually fit me!
o Bought a bracelet – a normal person’s size 7 bracelet and it fit!!!
o Had a party and shocked a few family members who had no idea
o Moved my car seat FORWARD and my steering wheel DOWN, and find that when other people sit in my driver’s seat, they have to move the seat back and push the steering wheel up for themselves!
- April
o Went nervously, to see the Eagles cheerleader tryouts at
o Took the clothes that I bought in March, to the seamstress to have them TAKEN IN!
- May
o Lost 150+ pounds! Beat my personal goal to do it in 9 months, by doing it in 8!
o Went to my first family party – no one knew I had surgery, it was a big day, I was really nervous about it, but the feedback was so positive and made me feel great. People complimented my hair, as they knew something was different, they didn’t want to ask if I’d lost weight.
- June
o Went to the Tim McGraw concert! Fit in those tiny chairs at the Wachovia, walked without breaking a sweat! The best night ever! First time I’ve been to something like since I took Angela to see Britney Spears when she was in grade school! (over 12 years ago!)
o Walked on to a beach and went in the ocean for the first time in over 10 years and even bought my first beach chair!
o Keep moving that steering wheel closer and pushing that seat forward, this is so weird, I feel so small in my car!
o Went to a family party and ‘came out’ – seeing the shock on people’s faces was amazing and made me realize how different I really must look, as my family sees me every day, and I just have a hard time even noticing myself, unless I look at before and after pictures
o Sat on a swing set swing while my 2 year old nephew pushed ME!!!!!!! (can’t wait to one day go down a sliding board with him!)
I chose the surgery because I truly believed it was my last, best shot at living an active life. I chose the surgery because I HOPED and PRAYED my outside would, for the first time, in many years, would begin to reflect the "me” that had been so longing to show up - but had been so well hidden within for so long. I promised myself that I would follow aftercare protocol. I did not get my guts cut opened and rearranged to fail. Some people have had the audacity to ask why I didn’t do it sooner… and fear was my reason; fear of dying from this controversial, risky surgery – then one day I realized, if I don’t do this, I’ll end up dead sooner rather than later. But still, they had the nerve to ask! And if anyone ever thinks that surgery is the easy way out, come ask me about every day life – there is and was nothing easy about this. Ye s, I’d never ever have been able to lose weight without this surgery, but it is by far, the hardest thing anyone could ever do.
Simply put. IF I CAN DO THIS ANYONE CAN DO THIS!! I now participate in my life instead of sitting and watching it go by. Weight loss surgery was the tool I used to save my life!!
I would recommend to anyone who asks that they look into this surgery to not only lose weight but to CHANGE THEIR LIVES!!! My life is just beginning to change, for the better.
Ross & Roberta Cassety Ross - Open RNY 5/22/06 - 373/194 - BCBS Horizon NJ
Roberta - Open RNY 11/22/06 - 228/126- Aetna QPOS
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