Dating and WLS

Bottom line, there are guys who would rather date fat girls. Just like there's chocolate and vanilla, some guys prefer a woman who is overweight to one who is normal weight. Obviously, this guy would rather not date someone who had WLS, that's his perogative, and it's a clear message that you should move on to more promising pastures. I've been married a bazillion years, and my husband is my own personal cheer leader, but you do need someone who will understand what you had done and be supportive of you. He doesn't need to know what's connected where or any of the technical stuff, but he has to know enough not to bring home Dunkin' Donuts after bowling or hot wings and fries if he works late. You'll find someone - don't worry. You just have to worry about not settling because you worry about how someone will accept your decision to have WLS.

Michelle, I can sympathize. Dating is tough - fat, thin, pink, purple or polka-dotted. I have just started back to dating after WLS (I am 15 months Post-OP). There are a lot of things to deal with now when dating that I did not really have to deal with before when I was a BBW. When I was plus size - what they saw was what they got. Now what they see is not what is under the clothing. For instance, I battle with the question: When do you have that "saggy baggy" skin talk? I believe one guy I was dating dumped me because he could not handle the skin issue. You are right maybe finding other WLS singles would be easier since at least they understand. It is kind of interesting to find out that there is a website out there somewhere. But as a rule, so far, most of the single WLS patients I have met are women. As to the guy you are dating - like others have said - some guys prefer BBW, some dont. But, that being said, if he was really in it with you for the long haul he would care more about you the person than you the body. In the long run, you want someone with you who will help you feel good about yourself and your decision. You made this decision for a lot of reasons none the least of which was probably your health. If he could not see that in the end you chose to be healther, and hopefully happier than he is not worth the effort. Good luck with your search. Again I can sympathize! Yours in the trenches! Patti

Michele, Here's what I did......I had WLS in 2003 and at that time I was a widow. Well, about 2 months after surgery I met the greatest guy. I really didn't want to have a relationship, heck, I hated men (my husband committed suicide) but, you know what, this guy was really cool. I told him on our second date. My thought was, he's Italian and likes to eat out often, so I had to let him in on the secret. He was so great about it. He even went to a few support group meetings with me and on his own internet searches to find out what and how I could eat. Well, long story short, I married him a few months ago. Yeah, I guess we have to be stupid at least two times in our life! Tell that guy that would rather date a fat girl then a girl who had WLS to take a hike. There are plenty of fish in the sea. When I started dating again after my first husband's death, I thought that the gene pool needed some serious chlorine...................but, after many horrible dates, I met the greatest guy. He spoils me rotten. Something that didn't happen in my first marriage. Just take it slow and remember, not everyone is "hip" on this WLS thing. Several guys I went out with were like mortified when I told them (and of course, showed them pictures!). Oh well, they lost out! I am so happy now. Life is good. I am seeing Dr. Mehta tomorrow because I've had emergency surgery last week - something about my intestines looping around each other. You will be fine - keep me posted on your progress. I am always interested and available to chat with. Kathy