My Husband Isn't Supporting My Decision

My husband is questioning my upcoming wls...he is a thin person and cannot identify with my weight issues. He thinks that I should just eliminate fat, sugars and carbs and that will be the answer. I encouraged him to come to the support group and he said he doesn't support me so he isn't going! I am now second guessing my decision-I don't know how to explain except to say that because of my diabetes I cannot lose weight in the conventional way. Help!

thin people do not understand. if he does not support you find a friend or family member who does, and if not we are all here for you. i was borderline diabetic and doc was getting ready to put me on medication. Since my surgery, i am off all medications , and i have lost 60 pounds in 12 weeks. if you know in your heart that you have done all you can do, and still not able to lose the weight, then this is for you. and after the surgery you will be eating like a thin person, for the rest of your life. good luck, hugssssssss, jacki

You are not alone. I too have the same situation, he says if I exercise and stop eating I will lose weight, unfortunately I did lose lots of weight 2 years ago almost 70 pounds and I've put 60 pounds back on. I can relate with you. Good luck and I hope you continue on your journey. I'm still working on mine.

It's your body and your decision - not his. My first husband was reluctant to support me when I initially made the decision to have WLS -- I explained to him that although I wanted and welcomed his support, I didn't need his permission to do what I had already decided to do and wasn't asking for it! After realizing I was serious and progressing without him, he got on board, went to an informational session with me, and then totally supported me 110% through the surgery and afterwards, until his death from cancer two years ago. Although I have moved on with my life (recently remarried), I know in my heart that he is proud of me and happy for me and my new life! Hugs, Nannette

My husband for years suffered from the delusion that I just needed to get in control - as he himself spiraled out of control with his own diet. When I finally went for my consult, and brought home the paperwork telling him how I would be eating after the surgery, he even suggested I just start eating like that without the surgery - without regard to the fact that I would be starving! I started going to support group meetings about a month prior to surgery, and took Jim with me. He made a quick turn around on everything - believed in the surgery, believed in the NEED for the surgery, and has been incredibly support ever since. Some people can't understand. My stepfather is one of those people. He's proud of the weight I'm losing, but even at dinner last night, I was ooohhing and aaahhhing over the cranberry sauce. It has a ton of sugar in it, and when he asked why I wasn't eating it, I told him I couldn't. He practically insisted that I could eat anything in moderation. Yep, and then he'd be driving me home as I puked in the back seat. Pass the ice cream next I hope your husband at least agrees to go with you to a doctor appointment so he can learn a little about the surgery and how it helps. If he doesn't, do what you need to do for yourself and get yourself a strong support person. You really do need one.

Thanks to everyone who has posted so far! I so appreciate YOUR support and advice. I think my husband is scared. He is very skeptical of doctors and feels they are all in it for the $$$. He was convinced I didn't even need a hysterectomy before I had one last February. It would be nice if he were more supportive but I have made so many friends on OH and through the doctor's support group and I know I need people around me who can relate to what I am going through. Please keep your posts coming, I enjoy reading them!

Hello i had Diabetes prior to surgery and having the surgery was the best thing i did in my life. I feel that it's your decision to get surgery not anyone else. Be confident, Thin people do not understand how it feels inside to suffer from being big. Be confident and everything will be alright. Now that i had surgery i don't have to deal with diabetes any more i'm off medication already. It's a great feeling. Good Luck with your decision.

I'm in a similar position. It's a long story, but because my son is disabled and requires 24/7 supervision, my ex-husband moved in with us to help out six years ago. We get along fine (because we're just co-parenting and not a "couple"), but he's being a total jerk about the prospect of my having WLS. He thinks if I just go back on WW and lose some weight again, all will be well. Somehow, he missed the fact that after my last big loss (60 lbs six years ago), I gained back *100* lbs and just keep yo-yo-ing, so I really need a permanent change in something. Now that I'm diabetic, have sleep apnea and high blood pressure and am beginning to have trouble getting around, I'm more worried I'll die from being overweight than from the surgery. He's told me he' sjust trying to "save" me from having the surgery and altering my body forever, but he's not getting the concept that altering my body forever may be what it takes to keep the weight off permanently. The nice thing about our situation is that I can totally tell him it's not really his business since we're not married any more, and that while I welcome his support, I'm just going to ignore him if he's not on board. My body, my life, my choice. Hopefully he'll come around eventually.

Hi sherry it's Joanna.. I know that feeling, my boyfriend didn't support me much in the beginning either but as time went on and I educated him more on the surgery he became more relaxed.. I think it's normal for your spouse to feel that way, I think that it may be more that there scared then not wanting to support us. Besides your in wonderful hands with doctor JB I love him!!! He has really changed my life! I hope to see you on thursday.. In the end the decision is yours.

It sounds like he is scared. Scared you may leave him, scared FOR your safety, scared of the unknown? People are very ignorant when it comes to things like this, not saying he is, but when people don't know much about a subject, the causes, the result, they get scared, they don't want to find out, they like being in the dark, it's easier for people. I've heard of parents trying to institutionalize their children and have them legally declared mentally incompitent to make this decision... ADULT CHILDREN. Bring him to a support group, bring him to an infomational meeting, expose him to the life-changing event this is. good luck.