What would u do ?????

OK, so my boss and a co-worker know i am having surgery and have nothing but negative things to say, its making me so furious. i am my own person, and i do what i want. as long as my family is supportive right ? so my problem is, my boss is ssooooooo against this surgery and told me now that i got a promotion and have a lead teaching position, i am not allowed to be out... was that because she knows i want this and she doesnt want me to do it ??? dont get me wrong. i love her she has done so much for me and knows me and my probs in and out. and as far as my co-worker, she keeps saying ill let u talk to my dead cousin, who died on the table while having it done.... i told them i am researching, attending seminars, and talking to people who have had it done, i am taking my time with the process. but they really got to me yesterday. my mom said dont tell them anything anymore, but when the time comes im gonna have to go out on disab ???? i also told them that everyone reacts diff, but my bosses aunt had it done too and is miserable........ but i on the other hand from talking to u and someone i know, they said they would do it again and are not miserable..... hellp !!!!! what do i say if anything ??????

I have just gone through the ordeal of having to tell my spvr. that I am going out on medical leave in October. I have been working with her for 9 years, but have grown distant from her the past few, bascially because of her negative views of people. So my obvious choice was not to tell her what kind of surgery I am having; nor do I want the people I work with (other than close-close friends who I am friends w/out of work) the real reason - I dont need everyone looking at me and watching my every move before and after. It's none of their business. Yes, when I come back, and hopefully look thinner they can figure it out and I won't care. But until then, I didnt want my departure being a daily topic of conversation. We have 2 months to prepare for my departure and I made it clear to my spvr. I dont feel like dealing w/this and the entire office for the next 2 months. She asked me what I was having and I told her I cant talk about it right now; she assumed it was because I was still trying to deal w/it myself (which is not really a lie). My family doc suggested I say I am having my gall bladder at (almost similar surgery!). I just used the line, I am going out on medical leave, and then turned the focus on how we will handle things with my responsibilities. By not saying anything personal, you are sending the message that if I dont tell you, I dont want to talk about it w/you and it's none of your business. Good luck. It was an emotional week for me, having to tell her. But a friend/co-worker is the one who made me realize it was time to tell her, to get prepared for my absence (training, etc). i was planning on telling her one month before, so I wasnt emotionally prepared with this. But it's over now and I can move on to the next hurdle.

Michelle: The 26 year old was about 8 years ago. She had a heart condition that was not detected prior to surgery. I think all the bariatric surgeons these days make you go through the whole list of testing to prevent tragedies like this from happening but to my sister, the girl died so the surgery did it. I'm happy the surgeons make us all go the route of testing before - it helps! Donna

Dougie's Girl: Like Michelle, I felt like right now I didn't want to share with the folks from work or my sister what I was having done because I knew I would hear about my nieces friend who died at 26 from having gastric bypass from my sister and the opinions of people I work with do not interest me. I had a hiatal hernia repaired during the lap band so I chose to just tell work and my sister that I was having a hernia operation - I don't like to lie but I felt I would tell the truth after the surgery when people wouldn't force their opinion on me and my sister who is my older sister wouldn't have to worry about me. This is your life not theirs and you need to do what is right for you. You've come this far, don't let anyone take away your determination. I'm 52 years old and I decided that I want to be healthier and I took the best step for me and I'm happy I did because I'm on my way to a healthier me. Donna C.

My family doesnt even know yet. I am waiting until 1 month. Only my sisterinlaw knows (she's been my support person from day 1) and now my best friends (2). I know fear for me would overcome my family, and I am having a hard enough time battling my own fears, and i cant have their worries on top of that... With any surgery, there is risk, I knew that before I even started pursuing gastric bypass. You can go in for a routine surgery, and something can go wrong. Yes, people do die from gastric bypass, but from what I learned, many times, it's other health issues (comorbidities) that was the underlying cause of death. I do feel good about the fact that my doc says the actual surgery is about an hour - the less time in there, I FEEL the less time for other things to go wrong Donna, the 26 yr old you mentioned, do you know what underlying cir****tances led to their death?

Thank you for your support and good wishes! She looks like an ass by default, and you come off professionally. P~ http://www.weightlossnj.com - My Story

I was nearly 500lbs when I had the surgery and nearly no one I know was positive about it. No one thought I would make it out of surgery and that my life would be miserable afterward. I will admit, it has been harder than I imagined and I did suffer complications. I had healing problems due to the fact that I have other Psoriatic Arthritis and the medications used to fight that problem make healing more difficult. I did suffer from post surgical depression, which was unexpected, but apparently common. Nearly 3 years later with a 280 lb loss; I am glad I did the procedure. People do and will second guess you. I don't like the idea of being dishonest to people you truly care about, so I would tell people that I was doing the procedure; the decision is made, your own doctors support your choice and it isn't open for discussion. I think when you don't tell the truth about what your doing, people tend to have bad feelings about it. I also think people who genuinely care about you are expressing real fears; but some, you can't believe the different reactions people have to you. Some people are irrationally jealous, they are afraid that you will change and are resentful of your success. But you have to be comfortable with your own decision. Keep getting support from people who support you, keep going to a presurgical support group, keep coming to the Boards....People who have been there really know. As for the 26 year old girl who died from the procedure; It was a girl from our Voorhees support group New Beginnings. If its the same girl, she did not have a heart condition; she had a leakage that turned into a massive infection; she had multisystem organ failure and almost recovered. After months of recuperation, she died at a rehabilitation center from pulmonary embolism. It was a terrible tragedy for her, her family and all who knew her. Unfortunately, as with any surgical procedures. there are serious risks for complications. In my case, I weighed the odds of them happening to me against the risks I faced if I continued to be morbidly obese. I decided for myself that if all went well, I would finally have a body I could live with. If I had a serious complication or if I died, I had decided that I was willing to take the gamble. I think we each have to weigh those odds and decide if they are acceptable to us. Just be at peace with your own decision, and in the end, it is only you that matters. Kelly

I had lap. RNY, I was only out of work for one week...so you may not need disability, you maybe be able to use vacation time? I would not discuss this with your co-workers any further at this point. You say you're a teacher? in a public school? Discuss with HR/Union.