How many Lawyers..

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A1: How many can you afford? A2: Fifty-four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services. A3: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement be tween the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps: 1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non- negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout. 2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes. 3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non- negotiable. NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by her/him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm." PS If you have read down this far, Angela... I need legal representation for the Tort action that is preceeding out of this unprovoked posting from the actions of said redneck... PPS Also.. its your turn to post... Update us on your Vegetarian/Vegan research, tell us about the state of Theater in Ocean county... or something. PPSS. Stop-me-before-I-post-again !!! PPPSS The poster of said post heretofore notifies the observer (hereafter referred to as the reader)of the stated intention of poster to be held innocent of any liability stemming from eyestrain, excessive flatulance, noise or air pollution, or any other action resulting from actions of said poster. Furthermore, the reader agrees to indemnify and release from all liability poster, posters heirs, kin, seventh cousin twice removed, neighbors, wives (ok ok.. wife of which Sandi is the one and only) yada yada yada... etc etc etc. ..... okay. 710am Time to go to bed. Sumbuddy else like... post and thangs... k? Godbless and godspeed to all Timmy Ray

i enjoyed it and it made me smile Roberta

Dude, Angela is gonna kick your Arse! -A.J.

Omg timmy are u bored ????? That was really cute though. Thanx for the thoughts I will see u on July 7th in toms river I got good news today. My aetna kicks in on July first sooo go me I will be able to do this all the way the right way....

Hi Ashley Mea culpa. I hope you know I was just teasing, but yeah I got some rather angry email, so I posted an apology. I should have stuck to rednecks or ex jocks, both of which I have more personal familiarity. I think Lawyers are super people : ) I just sometimes cast about for humor and well.... Anyhow... have a super day. When you can, write and post a little bit about you and your surgery, or your experiences, or tell us a little bout yourself? We would love to get to know you better, ya know? Even if you are a lawyer : P (duck.. RUN timmy.. RUN). Seriously: welcome to the NJ board, and thanks for not holding my poor choice of humor against me.. next time I will pick on plumbers or something : ) Hugs God Bless Timmy Ray

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