Who was your hardest....

person to sell about having surgery?

We all have to face this issue at some point on our journey. I was very private with who I told prior to surgery. I was scared to tell my mother and my best friend.

For one I knew my mother would not fully understand. I was not sure how supportive she would be,because she wouldn't fully understand. For some of this I have been right. My mother makes sure to keep updated on my progress. She never comments on my surgery if I don't bring it up. If I have stated "I had a bite of cake (example) she is like should you have this on your diet?" I just can't get her to understand that it isn't really a diet, it is a life change. I try to educate her as I can. She is 79 and set in her way of thinking. She has not seen me since July last summer. I had my surgery in Aug. I will see her in May. I am guessing then she will have plenty to say LOL. Your to thin,your personality was better when you were bigger, the list goes on and on.

 My best friend I knew she would have so many negative things to say about it. She is the type that knew people that failed,knew people that couldn't eat foods normally,knew people that were so sick after, knew people that landed on the moon (personally) LOL you get the picture "The know it all". I didn't tell her  until 2 weeks before surgery. Then she said "I knew you were doing something". Once again the know it all- LOL. I love here dearly but!!!! anyways, she became distant for a couple of weeks and I was ready for that. She finally came around. I made sure to include her in a lot of my life and invite her to do things. I didn't want her to feel I was leaving the "fat girls life" and be snobbish and want nothing to do with her or others. This is a person's fears when YOU are going to change. You will no longer be there for them to have the 1000 calorie meals and such. I so wish my BF would do something to better herself. I feel she has like 2 yrs to live if she doesn't do something to correct her health and weight. I have no control over that and will just be by her side.

It is very important to include others in your life and not let them get to you. You are doing this to better your life, not there's.

So, share who was your hardest person/person's to sell on this journey?
Kelly/tink

Hi Kelly/tink...

I had a nice paragraph written and all of a sudden it was gone!  Jeepers... well if it shows up someday, this will just be a duplicate!  Maybe it was telling me I was too wordy! LOL LOL 

My hardest was my immediate family of skinny persons!  Grandparents, Mom and step Dad, Brother and 2 sisters.  I just felt like such a failure already with the weight thing, that having to tell the skinny people "I am at the end of my rope and going to have surgery", just wasn't sitting well with me.  Well, I finally told them.  I had a hard time imagining going through the surgery without my Mom anyway.. just had to tell.  Well, I guess they did not have the blinders on as badly as I thought about my weight, cuz they were all very supportive.  My Dad on the other hand.. he lives in AZ.. he has not been here to see my struggles... he was caught up on the fact that I will have "all that loose skin" AND he too said "you will be dieting for the rest of your life".... Why don't you just try an exercise regimen.  WTF!!  Arghhhh... I did send him a very lengthy email explaining my stand on the whole thing.  He has come around now... but we really don't discuss it much!

Also, I am from a very small town.  So, as word has spread of my surgery, there have been many comments going around.  My favorite so far has been, "Amy, I cannot believe it!  You are not that heavy!  What surgeon would do such a thing to you?".  Well, it took me a moment, but then I got to thinking.  This person has known me for 20+ years.  She has seen my ups and downs.  My weight has never played a part in our relationship.  She has NEVER seen me as FAT!!  She has those rose colored glasses on!  What a dear lady!  So, I did explain the process to her and explained that I definitely qualified for the surgery.  I flat out told her my weight at surgery and she literally gasped!  She really did not "see" me fat!  I guess my point to telling this is, sometimes you need to give people the benefit of the doubt.  They may need more information due to those "rose colored glasses"!  Put yourself in their shoes for a moment... what do you think they know??? 

My policy has always been "tell me the truth and I won't beat you too badly"! LOL  I guess that is part of the reason why I finally knew I just had to tell. There was really no point to keeping it a secret.  I was only hurting myself by not allowing support from those that would support me. The ones that don't... stay away from me now!

Hope this has helped someone that is struggling with that "should I tell?" issue. Thanks for bringing it up Tinkerbell!
 

Thanks,

It only came up once! LOL but I got two emails from you on the same LOL got to love the web.

Yes, I agree tell those you love and those who love you. You will need the support, even if it is just" way to go!!" I get all kinds of comments from people at work. I work in the West Fargo public schools. There are like oh I would guess 150 employees in our building alone.

At first I only told like 4 to 6 people at work prior to surgery. My plan was having my surgery over summer break and returning on time to school this past fall. Well the man upstairs had other plans! I didn't end up back to wor****il the end of October. Many people found out over that time. They were concerned, some didn't think I would make it bac****il Christmas, some (gasps!) didn't think I was going to be able to come back at all!! Fooled them! They are stuck with me.

The support I get from co-workers is over whelming at times. One lady came up to me and hugged me the other day and said..... Isn't it wonderful to get healthy! I was like yes, then I walked away thinking... did I look that bad? Others can't believe I weighted over 200 pounds. I don't know if they were being nice or wearing those same rose colored glasses. People think I need to stop losing already that I am a perfect size, I think they still have on those darn glasses LOL I am still over weight.

I understand fully about your small town attitudes, I lived in a small town a few years ago. They knew what I had for breakfast before I even ate! Shakes head laughing.

I to hope this helps others that may stop by this page, ok so it is a small percent but it is something
Kelly/tink

Hey all,Hello Kelly,
   I was one of those people  who told everybody and anybody about WLS.
One  person at my previous work, insisted that all I needed was a dietician  to monitor my food... ha! This gal was about 4'7' and weighed about 50 lbs past her desired weight...she actually ate much more than I did....I went for surgery and 80 pounds later called me "too skinny"  as she was stuffing bread into her mouth like it was her last meal!  Personally, I think  she was just plain jealous.
   I am now at a new work place and no one there ever knew me as fat, and cannot imagine what I even looked like. I still tell everybody and anybody about WLS. I am very proud of my new body {hanging skin, new wrinkles in places I cant see} and the healthiest I have ever been, and believe me, I had self confidence, even fat, but its so much better now!
  I encourage any one to look into WLS, for health, and the betterment of you own life. And Im sure that if you ask any one of my 3 sisters and brother {they have all had WLS} they will tell you the exact same thing.  Peggysue

Hey Peggy,
Nice to hear from you, missed you at the support group meeting. I tell almost everyone now days,unless I don't know them and it isn't any of their bee's wax LOL
I think another one of your sisters was at the meeting. Is there a Mary? LOL
Kelly/tink

Hey Kelly,
   I was just to tired, had a busy day at work that day, but Mary, my next -in- line sister was there ,  {Me, Mary, Kathi,Carol, Sally, Bob} I try to go but sometimes life just gets in the way...Kathi said it was a very informative meeting. Good to hear from you.
Peggy

This topic is interesting because, I too, had people say, oh you were never that heavy, you didn't need it! I always say, then where was that 113 lbs that I lost? I couldn't hide it in my shoe.

I think its just that its awkward for someone else and they really don't know what to say, do they think they are complimenting you if they say you look better (or does that sound like you look worse before?) or do they say you didn't need it (you look worse now?) I just stick to the healthy routine and they say, oh, that makes sense. Everyone has an opinion tho about this, as I must not have worked out enough, ate too much, or ate cake 24/7.

Kathi,
exactly!!!
I was always one to dress nice,put make- up on, not be seen in public looking crappy- unless I was sick. When people make those comments I am like WTH! did I look that bad? lol. I chalk it up to the people who walk around with blinders on but know it all.

I loved the idea at the meeting of the 100 party, I might just have to attempt that! I too keep to my healthy way of life. Do I blunder off track a time or two? Yes, I am human. Only difference is now it might be 1 peanut butter cup (sugar free) vs  a handful of the regulars ones,prior to surgery. It is all how you handle it.
Have a wonderful Sunday.
Kelly/tink

Peggy,
I fully understand! Just know you were missed! (Mary kinda looks like you,thats why I grouped to to be one of the sisters LOL)
Have a wonderful Sunday!
Kelly/tink

I am glad to see this posted!  I am only 12 days away, and still have yet to tell my elderly mother.  She's struggled with her weight her whole life and out of 9 kids, only 2 of us struggle with our weight.  I love her to death, but sometimes I think she is, in a weird way, happy I am like her...does that even make sense?  We grew up with an alcoholic father, and she used sweets, etc. to compensate.  I have a very happy, healthy marriage and family life now and KNOW this is best for me.  But she is a very Negative Nancy so I dread telling her at all!!  I think I will wait until the 10th, the night before, so I don't have to listen to it the next 11 days!!  I have very supportive best friends.  Some acquaitences I know I will lose, but I am prepared for that!  Thanks for posting and for letting me vent!!