WInter Humor
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our ****tails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled snow for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. l don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. l didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold the van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the other car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. Curt wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. Curt laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at Curt and try not to irritate him. Guess he should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to him. God I hate it when he's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 18: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of damn snow last night. More shoveling. Took all day. God damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 19: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white **** fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to **** By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 20: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. Curt wanted to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is he nuts!!! Why didn't he think to do that a month ago? He says he did but I think he's lying.
December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a ***** who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight Curt wanted me to sing Christmas carols with him and open our presents, but I was busy watching for that goddamn snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. Curt says I have a bad attitude. I think he's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill him.
December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HIS idea. He's really getting on my nerves.
December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. Curt is driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30: Roof caved in. The snowplow driver is suing me for a million dollars. Curt went home to visit his parents. 9 more inches of snow predicted. December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
Author Unknown
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled snow for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. l don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. l didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold the van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the other car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. Curt wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. Curt laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at Curt and try not to irritate him. Guess he should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to him. God I hate it when he's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 18: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of damn snow last night. More shoveling. Took all day. God damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 19: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white **** fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to **** By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 20: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. Curt wanted to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is he nuts!!! Why didn't he think to do that a month ago? He says he did but I think he's lying.
December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a ***** who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight Curt wanted me to sing Christmas carols with him and open our presents, but I was busy watching for that goddamn snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. Curt says I have a bad attitude. I think he's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill him.
December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HIS idea. He's really getting on my nerves.
December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. Curt is driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30: Roof caved in. The snowplow driver is suing me for a million dollars. Curt went home to visit his parents. 9 more inches of snow predicted. December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
Author Unknown
Maintaining! Start weight 257,Current weight 122,Loss of 135# and 114 inches,Size 22-24W now size 4 to 0 (zero),Healthy life=Priceless
www.onetruemedia.com/shared
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Tinkerbell....Thanks for sharing this. I've seen it before and think it is Hilarious. North Dakota really got blasted these last two days. We've been lucky so far until this crap hit. It always seems to go around Williston all the time but I guess our number was up. LOL Colder than a Well Digger's Butt even tonight. I think the temp here in Williston tonight is minus 15 degrees but with wind chill it's minus 40 at 9 PM.
Stay Warm Tinkerbell,
(cool hell.....it's COLD)
Sandy
Stay Warm Tinkerbell,
(cool hell.....it's COLD)Sandy
Thank you.
I've heard a version of this once before, but I too was thinking maybe this was real for the first couple of days. Since I only live an hour away from Fargo, though, I knew a few days into it that it wasn't real b/c I didn't get that much snow in that short of time period.
Too funny though!
Too funny though!
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