I am SOOO DONE!!!!

  Ok so I am not trying to be negative here but, things have really gotten to me lately. Like  Why are bigger people ALWAYS ridiculed (sp). Just because, I am a bigger person doesnt mean that I am any different from anyone els. I want to have friends and go out like all the rest but, its like no one cares. Everyone has something els to do than to even be my friend. I think I want friends so badly and I rush things to much to make people like me that I turn into "The Weirdo"! Everybody needs friends and I try so damn hard at it and I dunno what the hell I am doing wrong. I try pleaseing everybody but, it just doesnt work. I do alot of things by myself because, I have no one besides a couple GOOD friends and my man and my family and I love them so dearly but, its like everyones to busy for me. I can admitt that I do have mental issues like depression, anxiety, mood disorders and I can get touchy about some things but cant we all. well I guess thats just the way life goes for me atlease. #2. Why the hell is it so damn hard for me to see how big I really am. I know I am big because, I cant ******g fit into any of my old clothes. Everythings to small. I went shopping the other day and I got into a pair of pants that I said I would NEVER want to wear. I got so frusterated I started crying and I left the store all together. But, its like I look in the mirror and I see that I am big but, I dont see how big I REALLY AM!!!!! I feel like I shouldnt even be living anymore. I feel like I am a disgrace to life and to my family and my bf. Why  the hell would they want to be around me????? I am to fat  and I dont deserve anything. My man deserves someone who can take care of themselves and I tell hiim that and he gets mad at me and says he loves me. I cant even love myself for goodness sakes. I love hiim soooooooooooooo much with all my heart and soul but, I dont even like me. I dont feel sexy I dont feel pretty I feel like a ******g fat ass blob. I am sorry if I affended anyone and my spelling is really bad. Its just been a really bad time for me and I apologize! 

First of all..you are BEAUTIFUL! I understand some of your feelings though..People do treat you differently when you are overweight.. I also understand how it feels to be alone..hell..at least you have a man :) I don't even have one of those. I also dont feel as fat as I am..sometimes I look at myself..really look at myself and I want to puke..I wish I had seen how big I was getting and stopped it sooner.. Today I went to the store and bought a pair of size 24 Capris..they only fit because of the stretch in the waist..I could have cried! If you ever want to talk I am hear to listen. Andrea

I just finally got back into the ND Forum, and I read your post. I hope things are looking better for you. I go thru days like this, too. People can be so damn mean, sometimes, and I may be old, but I remember what it was like, that younger people are even worse about the insults and looks you get.  Just know that you are a beautiful woman, and as time goes by, things will get better. You have a man who loves you, a pretty cool brother (I read your profile) and some good friends. Remember that!  If they love you, then forget the rest, and be yourself. You want people to like the real you, it isn't any fun having to put on an act to keep those people around. If they don't like the real you, you don't want them around, anyway! 

First I’m sending you a BIG HUG!! I know how you feel...I too find myself trying to please people so that they will be my friend...A couple years ago my best friend moved to the east coast and I have been lost without her to talk with...I have a few friends but haven't founds my "Brandi" someone I can tell anything to and not feel that I’m being judged for what I’m doing or saying...I have tried with a couple co-worker and get the feeling that I’m just being "weird"...I recently decided fu#k it I will just enjoy my family and when I really need someone to talk to I come online and tell my OH friends what's going on... As for the weight...We have all been where you are and you need to give yourself a break...You have identified your problem and are working on improving your situation...My weight had a big impact on how I felt about myself and you my BF my DH never saw me as fat I was and always be the woman he fell in love with...You are not what you see in the mirror...You are so much more then what you see, you are...KIND...FRIENDLY...LOVING...BEAUTIFUL...SEXY...and so much more, you are what you want to be and don't let your weight determine who you are...So not pull yourself up and wipe away the tears and look in the mirror and say...."I am Beautiful and I deserver to be happy" I don't get to the North Dakota board very often but if you every need to talk just send me a message and I will be there for you...