My one year anniversary thoughts, reflections and advice
I'm rolling up to my 1 year anniversary very quickly. drumroll .............. 155 lbs down and still fluctuating. I started my weight loss surgery journey at 393 lbs (BMI = 63.4) and as of this morning, weighed in at 238 (BMI = 38.4). Still labelled as "obese" but I'm no longer Super Morbidly Obese. And yes, against everyone's advice, I weigh myself daily. Obsessive? Nope -- informed. I'm extremely grateful for the weight I have lost but would gladly welcome more. I'm not becoming obsessive about it but I do not plan on taking any steps backward. According to the doctor and the imfamous "IDEAL WEIGHT SCALE", I am still in need of losing around 80 lbs. I'm not "ideal" and so far from perfect and I accept that. I don't let my weight define me. I didn't have my surgery for vanity reasons but for health. Am I happy with the sagging and deflation issues? No but I wear them as my reminder of where I do not want to be again. Do I still struggle with meal planning, food choices and "slip-ups"? Yessireee!! Do I still find it difficult to "schedule" exercise time? Yes ma'am I do!
I AM A FOOD ADDICT. I enjoy food more than I should. I don't do drugs, I don't drink and I am an ex-smoker (over 10 years oxygen richer). I believe my ability to overcome my smoking habit is the driving force behind my success so far. When I feel the want to reach for something I know I shouldn't, I ask myself if a cigarette would be a better choice. Both are nails in my coffin. Food is meant to sustain me, not kill me. Cigarettes were meant to kill me, not sustain me. Word of advice to someone "considering" the surgery? Find your "rock" that will anchor you in your journey. Your journey is a lifelong travel. Not a family member because you don't ever want them or your feelings for them to be affected by YOUR actions and YOUR choices. Not a reward item you may be aiming for in your final goal attempts because that "size 5 dress"; "new piece of jewelry" or "facelift" or whatever reward you have as a final goal is a tangible item that will only grow old, wear out, tarnish or fade and will not remain as the ANCHOR you will need for the rest of your life! For me, my anchor is my quitting smoking and the strength to do it that I didn't know I had. Was it my first attempt? Nope. But my choice for Gastric Bypass surgery wasn't my first weight loss attempt either! I remind myself of that when I "don't feel like getting on the treadmill today". I chant it when I hear the bakery aisle at the food market calling my name. Do I avoid the cookie and cakes aisle at the food market? Nope. I am stronger than the "urge" for junk food. I am greater than a bag of potato chips. Do I deprive myself? No. I have been enriched with the ability to CHOOSE better for myself. Do I close my eyes and imagine that the Kale chips I made myself and am chewing on are potato chips? NO WAY! That's the fastest road to failure! You can't fool yourself into thinking that a healthy choice food is anything other than that and all attempts to do that will 100% derail you from success. Kale chips aren't the greatest yummy out there but every once in a while I get a "craving" or "hankerin'" for potato chips and remind myself that the potato chips will lead me back to having to take cholesterol and blood pressure meds that I used to take and have been liberated from for almost 10 months.
Hurdles in the past year? Oh HECK yeah!! Food hurdles, exercise hurdles, emotional hurdles, physical hurdles and general hurdles. I think one of the biggest hurdles I'm having difficulties dealing with at the moment is the "You look so great!" "You're looking good!" comments and ones similar to them. Was I that bad before? I know the comments are meant as compliments but, while I was unhealthy before, I wasn't an ogre! Yes, I may have taken up more pew space before than I do now or I may have needed a seatbelt extender and even had to shop at specialy stores for clothing then but I'm still the same inner person I was all along and the compliments have made me think and are forcing me to reflect on my life before surgery. I lived a christian life with a whole christian heart -- maybe not making the best of choices all of the time but with good intentions at every step. Since surgery, I am a HEALTHIER person too! Large or small, I believe I was and am a beautiful person. Am I "perfect"? Absolutely not! I am human -- I WILL make mistakes.
To friends and family -- I love you all (big and small) -- the INNER you! The outer you is only the wrapping paper -- some have fancy wrap with lots of bling placed ever so perfectly and some don't. Wrapping paper gets torn off and disposed of when a gift is given. The important part of the gift is what's inside!! To friends I've never met and don't know yet -- let your gift within reflect YOU.
My surgeon, Dr Leo Davidson, has armed me with a tool and what I build with that tool is up to me. His dietician, Katrina, has added weapons to my arsenal to aid me in my battle with food. Ultimately, the shape and structure of my future is in my hands. I can never express enough the gratitude I have for the knowledge, tools and weapons I have been armed with to aid me in my battle but I can relay my successes, failures, wins, woes and minor speed bumps along the way. I have been asked if I ever regret having the surgery. No I do not. But I also hear my primary physician as a little voice in my head reminding me that I am still in the "anniversary period" post-operatively which aids in grounding me as a reminder that this lifestyle, these choices I make today and the accountability I admit to in the mirror will be a life long thing for me. It's not a "quick fix" -- it's a commitment! Yes, some may joke and jest that I am "commitable" at times, but all who know me, know I am committed to the new me!
Has the last year been a cinch? BY NO MEANS AT ALL!! Am I fooled to think that the next year (or any future years) are going to be easy? NEVAAAAAA!!!!!! I had post-op issues that had me questioning "What the heck have I done to myself?" I slipped "off the wagon" once and had a sliver of cake at a party. I was told that if we accounted for it in our daily food intake and opt for the food choice SUBSTITUTION (meaning I had to give up some healthier more fulfilling items in order to indulge in this), it's a possibility but we each react and deal differently post-surgically and it's all a trial and error process. Well, processed sugar and I no longer get along! I suffered terrible side effect feelings from it -- I'm told that is this "dumping syndrome" you hear about. I NEVER want to feel that physically ill and out of control again! Do I still get cravings for food that isn't a healthy choice for me? Almost daily. But, I also still crave on occassion cigarettes. Do I grab for them? NO WAY JOSE!!! Pavlov's theory is correct! Eventually, I will see that the healthier choices are the BEST thing for me and the negative effects of making bad choices DO remind me why I did this.
And now, the big question answered. You're asking me or someone else if we feel this surgery is right for you. I don't walk in your shoes, I don't live in your life, I don't know your cir****tances, so I or NO ONE should answer that question. As with an alcoholic or drug addict, you have to hit "rock bottom" and be despirate enough and committed enough to YOU to WANT the surgery to be a success, not for today or tomorrow but for the rest of your life! So, do you have the power? Do you WANT this bad enough? Are you STRONG enough to be the person you want to be? I believe we all are -- we just have to WANT it bad enough to commit everything within us to it! Do I enjoy sitting at church socials eating my healthy choices while others eat their fried chicken, slathered saucey meals, high carb yummies --- YES I DO. And YES YOU CAN -- you just have to WANT to. You have to remind yourself, what you eat is something YOU have to live with. What you eat will not affect that church member across the table from you. What unhealthy items they are eating also will not affect you. You should pray that they become enlightened. You should spread your knowledge that you have been armed with. Should you preach? No. Should you praise? At every turning corner!
To those considering the surgery, I PRAISE you for reaching this point in your life. I PRAISE you for your strength to admit you aren't perfect and have a problem. And, I PRAISE you for sharing a very hard and painful thing with whomever you are sharing it. I PRAY that you are armed with the strength to make the right choice for YOU. I PRAY that you are armed with the tools you need to make you a happier and healthier you -- whatever that may mean to YOU! And, I PRAY that you realize that you are not alone in this battle.
So, as I near my one year anniversary and look forward to my one year post-op visit with my surgeon and his staff, I stand up and say "I am a perfectly imperfect person. I am a food addict. I am not a size 5. I am not 393 lbs anymore. I AM happy. I will always be a work in progress. But aren't we all?"
I AM A FOOD ADDICT. I enjoy food more than I should. I don't do drugs, I don't drink and I am an ex-smoker (over 10 years oxygen richer). I believe my ability to overcome my smoking habit is the driving force behind my success so far. When I feel the want to reach for something I know I shouldn't, I ask myself if a cigarette would be a better choice. Both are nails in my coffin. Food is meant to sustain me, not kill me. Cigarettes were meant to kill me, not sustain me. Word of advice to someone "considering" the surgery? Find your "rock" that will anchor you in your journey. Your journey is a lifelong travel. Not a family member because you don't ever want them or your feelings for them to be affected by YOUR actions and YOUR choices. Not a reward item you may be aiming for in your final goal attempts because that "size 5 dress"; "new piece of jewelry" or "facelift" or whatever reward you have as a final goal is a tangible item that will only grow old, wear out, tarnish or fade and will not remain as the ANCHOR you will need for the rest of your life! For me, my anchor is my quitting smoking and the strength to do it that I didn't know I had. Was it my first attempt? Nope. But my choice for Gastric Bypass surgery wasn't my first weight loss attempt either! I remind myself of that when I "don't feel like getting on the treadmill today". I chant it when I hear the bakery aisle at the food market calling my name. Do I avoid the cookie and cakes aisle at the food market? Nope. I am stronger than the "urge" for junk food. I am greater than a bag of potato chips. Do I deprive myself? No. I have been enriched with the ability to CHOOSE better for myself. Do I close my eyes and imagine that the Kale chips I made myself and am chewing on are potato chips? NO WAY! That's the fastest road to failure! You can't fool yourself into thinking that a healthy choice food is anything other than that and all attempts to do that will 100% derail you from success. Kale chips aren't the greatest yummy out there but every once in a while I get a "craving" or "hankerin'" for potato chips and remind myself that the potato chips will lead me back to having to take cholesterol and blood pressure meds that I used to take and have been liberated from for almost 10 months.
Hurdles in the past year? Oh HECK yeah!! Food hurdles, exercise hurdles, emotional hurdles, physical hurdles and general hurdles. I think one of the biggest hurdles I'm having difficulties dealing with at the moment is the "You look so great!" "You're looking good!" comments and ones similar to them. Was I that bad before? I know the comments are meant as compliments but, while I was unhealthy before, I wasn't an ogre! Yes, I may have taken up more pew space before than I do now or I may have needed a seatbelt extender and even had to shop at specialy stores for clothing then but I'm still the same inner person I was all along and the compliments have made me think and are forcing me to reflect on my life before surgery. I lived a christian life with a whole christian heart -- maybe not making the best of choices all of the time but with good intentions at every step. Since surgery, I am a HEALTHIER person too! Large or small, I believe I was and am a beautiful person. Am I "perfect"? Absolutely not! I am human -- I WILL make mistakes.
To friends and family -- I love you all (big and small) -- the INNER you! The outer you is only the wrapping paper -- some have fancy wrap with lots of bling placed ever so perfectly and some don't. Wrapping paper gets torn off and disposed of when a gift is given. The important part of the gift is what's inside!! To friends I've never met and don't know yet -- let your gift within reflect YOU.
My surgeon, Dr Leo Davidson, has armed me with a tool and what I build with that tool is up to me. His dietician, Katrina, has added weapons to my arsenal to aid me in my battle with food. Ultimately, the shape and structure of my future is in my hands. I can never express enough the gratitude I have for the knowledge, tools and weapons I have been armed with to aid me in my battle but I can relay my successes, failures, wins, woes and minor speed bumps along the way. I have been asked if I ever regret having the surgery. No I do not. But I also hear my primary physician as a little voice in my head reminding me that I am still in the "anniversary period" post-operatively which aids in grounding me as a reminder that this lifestyle, these choices I make today and the accountability I admit to in the mirror will be a life long thing for me. It's not a "quick fix" -- it's a commitment! Yes, some may joke and jest that I am "commitable" at times, but all who know me, know I am committed to the new me!
Has the last year been a cinch? BY NO MEANS AT ALL!! Am I fooled to think that the next year (or any future years) are going to be easy? NEVAAAAAA!!!!!! I had post-op issues that had me questioning "What the heck have I done to myself?" I slipped "off the wagon" once and had a sliver of cake at a party. I was told that if we accounted for it in our daily food intake and opt for the food choice SUBSTITUTION (meaning I had to give up some healthier more fulfilling items in order to indulge in this), it's a possibility but we each react and deal differently post-surgically and it's all a trial and error process. Well, processed sugar and I no longer get along! I suffered terrible side effect feelings from it -- I'm told that is this "dumping syndrome" you hear about. I NEVER want to feel that physically ill and out of control again! Do I still get cravings for food that isn't a healthy choice for me? Almost daily. But, I also still crave on occassion cigarettes. Do I grab for them? NO WAY JOSE!!! Pavlov's theory is correct! Eventually, I will see that the healthier choices are the BEST thing for me and the negative effects of making bad choices DO remind me why I did this.
And now, the big question answered. You're asking me or someone else if we feel this surgery is right for you. I don't walk in your shoes, I don't live in your life, I don't know your cir****tances, so I or NO ONE should answer that question. As with an alcoholic or drug addict, you have to hit "rock bottom" and be despirate enough and committed enough to YOU to WANT the surgery to be a success, not for today or tomorrow but for the rest of your life! So, do you have the power? Do you WANT this bad enough? Are you STRONG enough to be the person you want to be? I believe we all are -- we just have to WANT it bad enough to commit everything within us to it! Do I enjoy sitting at church socials eating my healthy choices while others eat their fried chicken, slathered saucey meals, high carb yummies --- YES I DO. And YES YOU CAN -- you just have to WANT to. You have to remind yourself, what you eat is something YOU have to live with. What you eat will not affect that church member across the table from you. What unhealthy items they are eating also will not affect you. You should pray that they become enlightened. You should spread your knowledge that you have been armed with. Should you preach? No. Should you praise? At every turning corner!
To those considering the surgery, I PRAISE you for reaching this point in your life. I PRAISE you for your strength to admit you aren't perfect and have a problem. And, I PRAISE you for sharing a very hard and painful thing with whomever you are sharing it. I PRAY that you are armed with the strength to make the right choice for YOU. I PRAY that you are armed with the tools you need to make you a happier and healthier you -- whatever that may mean to YOU! And, I PRAY that you realize that you are not alone in this battle.
So, as I near my one year anniversary and look forward to my one year post-op visit with my surgeon and his staff, I stand up and say "I am a perfectly imperfect person. I am a food addict. I am not a size 5. I am not 393 lbs anymore. I AM happy. I will always be a work in progress. But aren't we all?"
Anne,
Congratulations on your successes. Not only the weight loss, but also the quantum shift in your perception of yourself and your ability to manage and maintain the weight losses and associated gains in your health and quality of life. As you have realized the number on the scale, while an effective tool, is not the definition of success; rather, success is multidimensional and your ability to recognize that is key to long term maintenance and continued success. This absolutely is a lifelong journey that changes course with time. That said, it sounds to me like you have a very healthy, balanced perspective that is likely to hold you in very good stead as you move into the maintenance phase of your journey.
I wish you all the best as you continue this fantastic and fascinating journey,
Barbara
ObesityHelp Coach and Support Group Leader
http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/bcumbo_group/
High-264, Current-148, Goal-145
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