Beginning my Journey

I am new to this forum, but have silently read so many of your post and the combined beautiful encouragement that so many of you have given to each other. I have wanted this surgery for YEARS, and by the grace of god, my insurance is now covering bariatric surgery 100%. What a revelation this will be for my body, mind, and soul. I go to my seminar Dec. 5th and then I plan on hitting the fan after that. I have always been big, usually if not always the biggest person in my classes during school, from grade 1st up. I wonder how it must feel to go somewhere and not have to think, will that fit me, will I fit in there, or what's the weight limit? I like others have been consumed with these questions in our everyday life, and weather we realize it or not, many of us that are severely obese, that's always a constant question. I want to know how life will be when those nagging questions are no longer a part of the way I think. I am so excited, and eagerly await my chance to say I have started my journey, I'm sure to have many questions as I undertake my weightloss surgery adventure, and so happy to have found all of you to lean on for support. So as I open this new chapter of my life, I will be sure to be a frequent visitor..and Thanks in advance to everyone for what you have and will do for people just like me. Kindest Regards Tammy

Hi Tammy,

Welcome to the forum. I think that you are likely to find that this is an incredibly supportive group and I look forward to getting to know you as you make your way on this wonderful, life changing journey. It is life changing in so many ways. While the health improvements are phenomenal and in many ways life changing themselves, they can seem somewhat intangible. However, the quality of life changes that you spoke of are the things that are so tangible. Not having to worry if you will fit in the car, turnstyle, theater or airline seat, etc..., being able to go into any store and being able to fit into nearly anything opens a world of possibilities..., the ability to walk and walk and walk, or dance the night away,... The ability to tie your shoes and breathe at the same time,...

Learning to see the new you unfold is incredible and learning that the new you is not a passing thing, but is now your reality is incredible... It does take some time for your head to catch up with the changes, especially when we have been big since we were children and don't have a normal body size as a frame of reference.

For me, I think it is the quality of life changes that have been the most 'tangible'... even more so than my appearance. I had my surgery over 4 years ago. I have been 'slim' for a few years, yet when I got on a plane several months ago I nearly asked the flight attendant for an extender, then caught myself and smiled and said never mind. I was so used to always having to ask for one, that I was doing so automatically and then realized I don't have to do that or turn sideways as I go down the isle of the airplane anymore. I can't feel my lower HbA1C or Cholesterol level, but I can appreciate these quality of life things. 

Probably most incredible is finally coming to a place where you CAN actually keep the weight off. Something we have all tried to do, but never been able to master before. It's not magic, but it is an incredible tool.

Wishing you all the best, 

I can't wait! I have never been on an airplane, for fear of not fitting in the seat, but I want so badly to travel. I have owned horses since I was 17, and even though I was still big (however, not nearly as big as I am now) I rode a lot in my "not so heavy days", of course now instead of riding I drive my horses with a lightweight cart. Horses are my life, and I want so badly to mount my girls once again. To be able to gallop through a field once more, to feel that freedom will be my ahh haa moment. My biggest concern is how has everyone dealt with the skin thats left. I am 334 lbs and it's mostly located in my mid-section. I know I have a ways to go before this is an issue, but if anyone had to deal with this, please let me know how you handled it. I have looked into a body lift already (I know premature) but just want to be prepared.
Thanks
Tammy

Hi Tammy,

My hightest 'known' weight was just shy of 270 and I'm about 5'5" tall now... I've shrunk a bit ;-)

At any rate, while I absolutely do have some excess skin, to be honest no one would know it when I'm dressed. I don't have 'great genes' as it relates to skin elasticity goes. I do have my own little 'zoo' I carry with me... 'bat wings,' 'turkey neck,' 'elephant thighs,' and a wobbly tummy. That said, I have learned to work on looking at myself more gently and realize that there are others that never packed around the excess weight I did, are about my age and look about the same or even worse sometimes. I will never see these things as badges of honor... though I know that some do and I applaud them... but, with time, I'm not as harsh with myself as I once was. There are some ways to get insurance to cover removal of the pannus, if you have one... We can tell you what you need to do to document the 'necessity' if it comes to that. Honestly, I don't have enough to warrant a surgical solution, from an insurance perspective. 

You are welcome to look at my before and after photos. I realize that there is about a 50 lb difference. You'll need to wait and see. You will be able use some reasonably comfortable shape-wear if you want to, but I must admit that I only wear it if the outfit dictates. It is very unlikely that I will ever be able to afford any plastics, so some shapewear is the closest I'm going to get.

I honestly think that, for me, the excess skin took some time to come to terms with. It was the outward, visible manifestation of the damage I had done to myself. I remember when I first lost the weight and people would say how 'wonderful' I looked... and I would say, 'not if you could see me undressed'... I think this is because even though I looked pretty good in clothes, I almost felt 1) a fraud... like I would wake in the morning and be big again.... and 2) grief at the damage I had caused myself. The skin for me, was the tangible, outward sign of the years of damage I wrecked on my body and even though part of me was looking better, the 'real' me, unclothed showed the signs of my excess weight. Time has generally allowed me some peace with this. I wore a beautiful sleeveless gown to my son's wedding last year and took the jacket off and danced the night fantastic. No one thought I looked like I was about to levitate. Everyone thought I looked lovely. I guess, I'm saying that with time comes some forgiveness. Also, this is something that I work on daily. Each morning after I am dressed, I look in the mirror and find something that I 'like' about myself. Sometimes it is my smile, my hair, etc... this morning, it was my lovely decolatage... I never thought I would have a lovely decolatage! I do this each day because I was focusing so on what distressed me about my excess skin that I wasn't seeing what was lovely... We are so much more gentle and forgiving of others than we are of ourselves. This exercise each day helps me appreciate the positives. 

I guess I'm trying say that the excess skin is not something to 'dismiss' if it's a concern for you, but with time I have found a way to find balance even though I'll likely never be able to have the damage I created surgically corrected.  

Hi Tammy-just want to wish you the best of luck on your weight loss journey.  I had RNY on Sept 12 so I am in the beginning stages of my weight loss.  I have had a good experience so far (knock on wood!!).  I didn't have a lot of pain after surgery or during recovery.  I have lost about 40 lbs so far including the pre-op liquid diet and I feel so much better already.  I am able to walk 30 or 40 minutes 5-6 times per week at a pretty quick pace.  Eight months ago I could barely walk 1/4 mile without panting and hurting.  I am 5'1" and my highest weight was 301 lbs which is a lot for my height.  Just wanted to give you a few words of encouragement and hope all goes smoothly & quickly for you!  You'll be back on horseback before you know it!