What will being normal weight be like?? I have no clue....

Sounds like a silly thing to be worrying/wondering about, I know....

But I honestly have no clue what I will look like, or feel like,  when I'm not overweight anymore. I've been fat for so long that I know I'm not even going to recognize myself. Will I like what I see? Or will I still be disappointed in myself?

I just started this process....got my beginning paperwork done, and my education class is set for mid-August. I'm not doing this to look better -- I'm 400 pounds and I want to lose the weight so I can have my life back and enjoy my kids/grandkids. I want to be active, instead of sitting on the sidelines watching my life pass me by. Right now I can't do anything because of my weight....even walking is becoming difficult. I'm pretty much a prisoner in my own body....

But, now that I've started the process.....I'm really starting to wonder what my self-identity is going to be when my body changes. I will look and feel totally different....

I really wonder what that will be like.....and how do you cope with finding the "new'' you?? And how will the parts of my personality that are the "old'' me work in with the "new'' lifestyle?  What's it like to basically start over at 42? And what an opportunity -- a chance to have a "re-do''  :) How exciting is that? :)  I guess I'm a mix of really excited and hopeful.....and hesitant/worried.....

I've been obese for 20 years. I slightly remember what it was like to be normal weight (I started gaining weight at 21 after the birth of my first child). 

What's it like re-discovering yourself after surgery???  

i am 2 and a half months out from surgery i had rny. surgery date 5/10/10 i weighed 305 and now i'm down to 262. i'm happy i lost weight but i cry when i see my pics. i dont like how i look and i had more confidence in myself when i weighed 341 lbs (which was my weight when i started with the weight loss clinic). crazy i know, but i came in to this world weighing 13lbs. and weighed 99lbs going into kindergarten. big all my life. i'm just not happy

it's a real mental challenge now that i face learning how to love the new me. i wish you all the best on your journey to weight loss, and i hope you dont get down about like me after your surgery.

ps. my highest weight at one time was 407lbs so i had let myself go then.

Juli,

You have so many good and insightful questions. There isn't any one answer. It all varies a great deal from one person to the next. That said, I run a really large support group and there are some things I can share from both personal experience and that which has been shared with me. 

Like you, I didn't really know what I would look like at a 'normal' size. I had been a chunky kid, a chubby teen and fat to morbidly obese adult. Once, as a teen I neared a normal weight, so I thought I had some idea of what I would look like... sort of like Rachel Ray: small chest, pear shaped. Well, if you look at my photos you will see that I'm not flat chested or pear shaped. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that it's hard to know what you'll look like when it's all said and done. From my experience and others, I think that sometimes you will really like what you see and others you may not. For the most part, you are likely to like what you see more than disliking it. You are likely to like the new you that you are seeing, but when you get to a certain point ... and that varies from person to person... you may have some issues with the excess skin. The other issue is where you fall in the amount of excess weight you lose. My husband was about where you are and while he is a 'normal' size, he isn't as small as he would like to be, so he's critical of what he sees and wishes he were smaller. That said, I'm small now, by anyone's standard and I was looking at photos just taken at our son's wedding this weekend and I think I look a little chubby. I know this has got to be 'in my head' because I wear a small single digit size and I'm 5'6". (I'll post some photos on my profile and you'll see what I mean.) I guess what I'm saying is that even if/when you get down to what by anyone's standard is a normal size, you might have some sort of issues getting your head around it. It takes time. For the most part I see the small, slender woman I am. My husband see that 'normal' size man that he is... but he wishes he were smaller. 

You are likely to be much, much more active. It's much easier to be more active when you aren't carrying a couple of adults around with you. As you are more active, you will get your life back! 

I'd like you to talk to some other people that are or have been SMO (super morbidly obese). This is because your journey is different than those who start out 'just' morbidly obese. Some SMO's will loose all of their excess weight and get to a 'normal' weight. Some will lose a substantial amount of their excess weight and will be still be 'overweight'. Some will lose a substantial amount of excess weight, but still be classified as obese. That said, everyone that I know that has done this has had such a dramatic improvement in their health and quality of life, that they have all felt like their only major regret is that they didn't do it sooner. 

You are right that you will look and feel totally different. I wish I had done this when I was your age. I was nearly a decade older. You will find that you will 'feel' decades younger. You will be able to do soooo much more than you ever did before. You will feel better and look younger than you can imagine. 

Keep asking great questions!

Warmly,

When I went into this I attempted to drop all expectations. But reality is that are brains do have an image we are trying to match somehow in ourselves. For me I was not a fat kid or even a young fat 20-something. My weight began piling on after baby number three. So the image I think I wanted but really do know I can't have is that twenty year old cutie I have a few pictures of still. Naturally my body can't do that anymore for heaven's sake! I am 53 years old. Even if I had never gained 200 pounds I still wouldn't look like that anymore. How could anyone. Fortunately I look somewhat normal to the world even if I still think I am off a bit. I will tell you though that I am pleased with how I feel. I am healthier than I have been in over 20 years and that makes me happier than I thought it would. I forgot what it was like to just go and do stuff and not wear out in the middle of things. This is totally a perk that makes up for what I can not have without literally tons of plastic surgery. I will take what I can get.

It doesn't sound silly at all...in fact it tells me that you've actively engaged in the brain portion of this journey. the surgery changes only your stomach. It takes a while to really, really wrap your head around all of the changes that are happening. I had RNY on 8-8-8. I think it was the best decision that I have ever made.

I liked me prior to surgery. I have been heavy my entire life. But as a post -op - I LOVE ME!!!! I am not the same person that I was prior to 8-8.  Energy, outlook, confidence and appreciation for things all changed. I can walk by a mirror and not recognize the person looking back.

I don't jump out in front of cameras but I don't hide anymore either. I can lace up my tennis shoes and take off for a 3 mile walk without giving it a second thought. I've turned into a girlie girl. No more sweat pants and oversized tee shirts. Hell part of my re-do is my David and family. I was sitting on the edge of a very soon to be empty nest as my sons flew the coop and started their own lives. Along came my scary venture into internet dating (not a risk I would have taken prior to surgery either) and lo and behold I met my Mr. Right and his 10 year old son and 5 year old daughter. Who knew? 

I could ramble on about this for days. I changed so much that I dislocated my tailbone. (ha ha ha ha) It's a long, long story that was very painful but it's from riding Jet Skis all summer long last summer. Get ready for the journey of a lifetime. 

- Iris  

Thank you for the insight ladies!

Barbara, I totally agree....this journey for me at 400 pounds is a bit different than someone at under 300 lbs. I have no clue how much weight I will lose....what I will look like....how bad the loose skin is going to be. I can't remember what it felt like to be able to go shopping without having to sit down all the time, or to be able to go to the lake with the family and not get to sit and wave to my kids because I don't have the strength to play with them. I know I want my life back....but it's really more than that. I don't remember what it was like to have a life! Am I going to be a normal weight when I'm done, or am I just going to be "less fat'' ?? What will my husband and my kids think about the changes in me?

I'm pondering a lot these days as I start the process towards surgery.....but I agree with you that it's a good thing that I'm thinking everything over!

Ann, boy you hit the nail on the head! I was normal weight before I had my children. I know what I looked like then. But now I'm 42 years old and I've been 200+ pounds overweight. I won't look anything like I did when I was 20. So, what am I going to look like??  I have absolutely no clue....but, really, it doesn't matter. I'm not wanting surgery to restore my looks.....I just want to be free of this big prison of a body so that I can enjoy my life! Just wondering what the end result will be.....will I be happy with the weight loss even if the rapid loss makes me look like a raisin? I think the answer is yes....but there is always the possibility that I will go through months of a liquid and very restricted diet and lots of time at the gym and be unhappy with the end result. I have to be real....I'm 250 pounds overweight. I'm not gonna come out of this looking like twiggy....lol. Just strange to think that I have no clue what the end result will be.......exciting and scary at the same time!

Iris....I want to learn to water ski when I've lost enough weight to have adventures! :) Hopefully I don't join you in the Broke-My-Tailbone Club! :)

I keep thinking back to a song from the '70s that said "what's the price of freedom''  For me personally, it's surgery.....a lot of changes, hard work and exercise....and learning to like a completely new and different me.   It will be worth it!!  :o)