Visit with Mom today..She's trying to talk me out of it.

Hello everyone!

Hope everyone is doing good. Happy Mother's Day to all the mommies

I had my gall bladder taken out 2 Monday's ago and now Im waiting patiently for the approval from my insurance company. I go back for my post-op this Friday so maybe I will know something then. (Fingers crossed)

Today for Mother's Day we went to visit my mom and grandma. It was a nice day. At one point my mom pulled me aside and asked me if I was still going to go through with the surgery and I told her I was. Early last month or the month before we talked about me having the surgery. She said she did not like it but she would support me in my decision. I can see why she doesn't like it, Im her daughter and it's major surgery. But she does not understand that I have been overweight and unhappy for 10 + years.  It does not help that my brother's girlfriend had a baby almost 2 years ago and she is loosing weight on her own. I know my mom looks at her and me and wonders why I can't do it, my son is almost 10. My mom does not understand that I have tried so many things and I just gain back all the weight plus more. She has never been fat like me, and she is always saying she needs to loose 5 pounds or I have these 2 pounds that I can't get rid of. Well hello I have at least 110 to loose.

Also if I never thought about this surgery I never would have found out that I had gall stones the size of golf balls until it was too late. I also found out I have sleep apnea and sleep so much better now!

Anyways she wants to take me to lunch tomorrow and I know that this is what she wants to talk about. She saw me eating peanuts today, and she said you are not going to be able to eat like that after the surgery. You will not be able to eat what you want anymore and it will make you unhappy. I know what I am getting myself into, and I don't want to eat crap anymore. Plus there are ways to eat "junk" without eating all the sugar. After the surgery I may not even want junk food anymore.

I know this is what I want to do, but I can't stand when people are trying to talk me out of it. I haven't told my dad because when I brought up the fact that I was thinking about it, he said I don't need it because I can do it on my own. That is what my mom is saying now. Im like if I could have do it on my own, then I would have by now.. Its not like I want to be fat. My husband and son are behind me 100%, my son wants me to be able to play with him without feeling like Im going to die, and hes worried I will die.

Well sorry for rambling and venting, any suggestions or support would be welcomed :)

Have a good night, and sorry to ramble :)

I'm sorry that you don't have the support of your parents. That can be very difficult. If you try to make them see from a health standpoint that your surgery is necessary they might be more open to it. All it took to convice my stepmom was to show her my very swollen ankles. I'm sure they just want what's best for you.
If they still don't support you after you've tried that, just know that you have the support of the two people that matter most, your husband and son. Once your parents see the health benefits of your surgery, they will probably come around.

Best of luck!

Sarah

Sharon,

I had a similar issue with my mother, however, my mother was also obese. That said, she had recently found out that she had kidney failure and had drastically changed her eating habits and had lost about 40 lbs. She told me if she could do it, so could I. Right after we found out about her kidney failure, which was due to her poorly managed type 2 diabetes, I found out that I too had become a type 2 diabetic and was also diagnosed with hemochromatosis, a genetic iron loading disorder. I saw what had happened to my mother and had seen what had happened to my father who passed away a dozen years before and didn't want to have it happen to me. Like you, I was about 110 lbs overweight and really had tried just about everything. I told my mother that I understood her fears and concerns, but that I had asked my pcp what to do when I got the type 2 diabetes diagnosis and he said that I needed to get the weight off and that to be honest, WLS was my best option. He said that statistically if I tried something like WW, Jenny Craig, Atkins or another 'diet' that I was likely to lose about 10 to 15 percent of my excess weight, but would only have about a 3 to 5 percent chance of keeping off that weight in the 5 year term. He said that if I tried a medication like phentermine or Meridia that statistically, I would likely lose 10 to 25 percent of my excess weight, but as with the 'diets alone', I would only have a 3 to 5 percent chance of keeping that weight off in the 3 to 5 year term. He said that with weight loss surgery, I was likely to lose anywhere from 60 to 80 percent of my excess weight and would have an 80 to 90 percent chance of keeping it off in the 3 to 5 year term. My primary care was also my mother's pcp, so I told her to come with me to an appointment and ask any questions she had. I also invited her to go with me to any of my appointments with my WLS surgeon and ask any questions she wanted. She was still 'scared' but it did help her and she did support me. After my surgery and the resulting weight loss, she was incredibly proud of my physical and health transformation and said that if she had been in good enough health to have it done, she would have had it done too. 

My health and quality of life have shot through the roof. This is true for almost everyone that I know. I actually do not know anyone who wouldn't do it again and I run a very large in person support group in Raleigh and another large virtual support group online that represent a very large, diverse cross section of surgery types.

She is right that you will eat differently after the surgery. You will likely mourn the loss of food that you have used as a coping mechanism, but you will find other, hopefully more healthy coping mechanisms. You should also know that while some people who have WLS, especially RNY or Gastric Bypass have 'dumping' issues that keep them from eating particular foods, that more often than not, those dumping issues resolve after the first year or so. To be honest, I can and do eat anything I want. That said, I don't do it like I used to. I have learned how to leverage the power of my tool and I use it. I'll be glad to share with you how I do that if you would like. LEveraging my tool is why I'm a size 4/6 and will be celebrating my 3 year surgiversary next month. I fully expect to be a size 6 at my 5 year anniversary and beyond. 

I think that it is important to look at the concerns that your mother has and explore those issues for yourself and for her, but in end it is your body and you will have to decide how to proceed. I hope that you will be able to proceed with her support and blessing, but if not, you will know that you have done what you can to alleviate her concerns and will just have to ask her to respect your decision even if she doesn't agree with it. 

Wishing you all the best,

(((HUGS))) there's not really anything I can add to what Barb said.

We're here if you need to talk through things.

- Iris

i knew my mom and dad would be like that too so i didnt tell them till after coming home from the hospital.... ofcourse they still didnt understand why i did it, but they couldnt do anything about it at that point.

i hope your mom sees your point of view as her support will mean soo much to you... best of luck!

My mother is a nurse, and she too felt I just needed to cut back on my eating. Wen I told her my decision, she said she would support me. No questions asked, which is odd for her because she can be very controlling.
My dad was a different story. Once when I was at their house during the time I I was researching the surgery, I turned on one of the medical shows on the surgery. My dad immediately said 'you are not thinking about doing THAT are you?' I said yes and he was like no way. You are fine as you are. He went on to say that my hubby married me a certain way and I should not go messing with that or it will cause problems.
I choose not to discuss it any further with him. When I finally made my decision, he jumped on board right away,. No questions, no qualms. Not sure what changed his mind, but he did a complete 180.
Hang in there and continue to express your feelings. They will either hear you and respect your decision before, maybe after, maybe never. It needs to be your decision and either way you have a big family here that is routing for you!
 

Sorry to hear you're not getting total support from your family.  We had a girl come to one of our support groups that had a mother that was totally against her having WLS.  She sat in the meeting with us and talked to the other WLS people who have already had surgery and was having great success.  By the end of the meeting, her mother was saying she wished she could have the surgery!!LOL  A lot of to concern from the ones we love is from not really knowing about the surgery and only hearing about the risks.  If you only heard about the risks of driving a car and the chances of dying or being seriously injured in a car accident.  They wouldn't want you to drive either.  Try and bring your mom to a support group/ get together of WLS people and she will see that life is normal after surgery.  Start to show her the affects obesity has on the body,...cancers, heart disease, shorter life, etc.
Be stronge.  If your family still won't support your decision, just don't talk about it with them.  Count on the support you will find here on OH to get you through this amazing journey.
Andrea