Friday morning checkin

Good Morning Friends!

You are probably getting tired of hearing this right now, but I am still struggling with eating enough lately. I just don't have the appetite. To the contrary, I have to force myself to eat. Well the good news is that I have my little pill box of supplements to tuck into my pocket so that I can be as compliant as possible. I need that because I'm just not doing such a great job of eating lately. If you have ever been so nervous, upset or anxious that it puts your stoma*****nots so that you just can't eat, that's where I've been lately. I never thought that this would be an issue for me, but right now it is and I'm doing what I can to work on it. 

Last night we had the 'Beck Group' and the topic was setting realistic goals... Right now mine are to try to get in my supplements and fluids and to maintain my weight... i.e., don't let it keep dropping... isn't that weird?! That said, last night's group was small and I have to say that it wasn't about behavior modification at all. It was three of my friends listening to me and supporting me. Telling me that they understood, they love me and that it will be okay. Telling me it's okay to cry and be hurt and mad ... and telling me they are here for me. I have to tell you that one of the most incredible and unexpected benefits of this journey has been the support and friendships I have developed through the process. This journey has changed my life in ways I would never have imagined and for that I will be forever grateful.

Today is a new day and I'm hoping it will be a good one for everyone.

 

(((HUGS)))

I so wish I lived closer to you and the Raleigh meet ups. I'd be there with bells on.  Goal setting is something that is really on my mind alot lately. Small and manageable has always been my ideal but I wonder if I'm missing out by not setting those "bigger" goals. I can always break the bigger picture down into the small goals.....I can drive myself nuts on the topic.

I agree with the friends that told you it's okay to cry, feel hurt and be mad. We do ourselves a tremendous amount of damage when we attempt to minimize our feelings or go so far as to try and repress them all together. All those emotions are part of the healing process - let them do their work in you. The problem comes when we get stuck in one particular area and just "refuse" (for lack of a better word) to move past it.

The surest way I've found to remember to take my vitamins is happening to me this week. I have to do a series of fecal blood tests and the docs want me off my vitamins for 5 days before I do them-------well wouldn't you know I keep taking the dang things so I haven't been able to start the process. I guess the importance of those little daily wonders have really taken root in my sub conscious. I finally duct taped the lid on the vitamin bottles so I'd stop and think about not taking them. Wish me luck.

Hope everyone has a great day!! It's bike week here on the OBX and the bikers are out in mass....Please drive safely where ever you may be.

- Iris

Hi Iris,

Thanks for the virtual hugs and we wish you were able to come to the meetings too! 

As for goal setting, I think that you don't give yourself enough credit for setting those bigger goals. You have recently talked about the bigger goals that allow you to do more and improve your quality of life and those ARE the BIG goals. I think that sometimes we are so focused on the big goals that we don't look at the little goals and/or steps necessary to get there. As you said, we can make ourselves crazy with all of the goals. 

I have to say that I do cry... more than I would like to be honest and I'm trying to balance the hurt and mad. I don't want to become a bitter old woman and I also don't want to model 'bad behavior' for my daughter. That said, I agree that it's more than okay for us to have feelings and let them out and I can't tell you how much I have appreciated the friendships here that have supported me and helped me as I've been trying to manage all of the difficult issues we have been and are facing now. 

I love your note about having to duct tape your vitamins closed... I only wish I (and everyone else) were that compulsively compliant. I try, but admit to failing more than I wish I did. That said, I keep trying and that's the best we can do. 

Have a great day and I hope you will enjoy the weekend.