Telling others about surgery decision

Hi! I'm having a problem deciding who to tell about my decision to have lap-band surgery.  Of course, my husband is behind me 100% and I have a good friend who has been completely supportive, but I'm scared to tell my parents.  I know it's crazy especially since my dad had WLS a couple of years ago.  I am just worried they won't want their "little girl" to under go surgery or will want me to keep trying the diet and exercise route (which has worked before, but I've regained 50 of 60 pounds lost).   Also, I'm really involved in church and have lots of friends at work, but I'm worried about the stigma that goes with WLS (that it's cheating or the "easy way out").  Do I tell them?  If not, what do I say about missing work or when the weight starts coming off? Any suggestions or experiences will be greatly appreciated.  Thanks! Amanda

I told very few people before the fact because I think I was afraid of jinxing it.  I didn't want to get too excited until I knew for sure it was a done deal.  Now that I've had surgery I don't hide it at all.  I know it was the right decision for me and so I'm not going to let anyone's opinion make me feel bad about my choice.  Surprisingly, everyone from family to friends to co-workers have been incredibly supportive.  Even my male co-workers on a weekly basis ask how much I've lost and they get so excited for me when I tell them.  Telling everyone has been the right decision for me.  I'm sure that your parents are very supportive and after you tell them how you feel, they'll be right there with you for the whole adventure.  Good luck! Christy

Thanks for the advice.  I think you're right about waiting until it was a "done deal."  If I didn't and it didn't work out, then you have to explain to everyone why your plans changed.  My parents are very supportive and have never let me down.  I don't know why I'm so worried.  Thanks! Amanda

I was pretty open about it after I had gotten through the workup.  My family has been very supportive because they have seen me struggle with my weight all my life.  I was headed for diabetes and there is a strong history on both sides of my family so that helped everyone to understand my decision.  I work at the hospital and as much as you want to keep it quite, it's hard to when everyone knows you...  word gets around quickly. I have found that it was a good thing for me to be able to be open and honest about it.  WLS is getting to be so much more accepted these days because it has improved so many peoples's lives and it is very safe now.   It's your deciison but knowing that your father had it I would think he would be very supportive.  good luck!  Alice

Thank you for the support.  I'm sure you're right about my parents being supportive.  Sometimes I anticipate that things will go badly with no reason.  Maybe I'm just trying to protect my feelings.  I think I will wait until I'm approved to tell people, though.  It will save a lot of explaining if things don't work out.  Thank you, again.  Sometimes it helps to hear it from somebody else. Amanda

Hi Amanda, As I have said millions of times to many people wls is a personal choice. If you decide to have wls you are making a good choice to help yourself. Belive in yourself and stand by what you know is best for you. I worry alot about what others may think but when it gets right down to it I am the one who struggled with my weight all my life and I am the one who had to deal with the many co morbiditys associated with morbid obesity. I thank God for my surgeon.  I thank him for giving me the the knowledge for making the choice to have wls. Also I did this surgery for me and not for anyone else.                                  Annie

Thank you.  I, too, struggle constantly worrying what others think of me.  I've been trying to change that about myself, but I've spent 27 years doing it, so it's a hard habit to break.  My husband has been a tremendous help and encouragement in this area of my life.  It's funny how we spend so much time trying to impress people we don't even like.  You are right about believing in myself.  This is about me this time and I know what's best for me and I have to stand by my decision because I know it's right.  Thanks, again, for the encouragement. Amanda

I chose to tell the people I cared about and who I knew cared about me. Thats all I told. Why? Because I needed their support. I knew even if they didnt support my decision - they supported me as somebody they loved. Personally I would be very upset if somebody close to me underwent a major procedure and didnt tell me first - I would feel like they left me out or didnt need me or something - thats just my opinion of course :-) I chose not to tell anybody else because whats the point? I didnt want people watching me like a hawk, questioning me or for me to become the hottest topic at the office. Even at 1.8 years out there are only a few additional people that know I have surgery that I didnt tell pre-op. If somebody straight up asks me if I had surgery I wont deny, but I dont go running around announcing it or anything. I want people to know me as me, not as a 'gatric bypass patient' or 'formerally fat chick'

Thank you so much for the advice and sharing your experience.  I will tell my parents and a few others probably, but I'm just worried about their reaction.  I know I will need their support and encouragement throughout the process. I've never really thought about people watching me "like a hawk" after the surgery, but I bet you're right.  People are curious (and critical, sometimes).  I definitely think that would make me uncomfortable.  And you're also right about being you because of you and not being defined by the surgery.  I think that will be very important to me.  Thanks for the input.  Definitely, food for thought. Amanda

I knew my parents would be like YEAH GO FOR IT! When I told them - its a big decision and people hear all the stuff in the news and get freaked out - plus my mom is a nurse and sometimes works the bariatric wing at the hospital.  I told my dad first because he is more level headed, I told him while I was in the process of getting things together for insurance - he asked me a million questions about it... basically he wanted to see if I knew what I was getting myself into - I did and answered everything. He said if thats what I wanted he was behind me. I didnt tell my mother until I got approval - she was dead set against it... we actucally didnt speak for a while because she was acting so unbelieveably. She slowly warmed up to the idea. She started to research on the internet and talked to nurses at work. She also talked to the bariatric surgeons at her hospital. After a while she felt much more comfortable with the fact that I was going to die (my mother is the queen of all drama queens) and was supportive. Now shes my biggest fan.