I HAD MY SURGERY ON 7/05

I went in for my surgery on 7/12/05 atpark ridge hospital in hendersonville,nc. I done this for 2 reasons. One was my son and the other was cause I thought it would help in me finding a mate for life. I am a single dad and have been for years now. I was very over weight! 417lb to the point. To date I have lost 202lb. I do so feel like a new person on the outside but on the inside.... I still feel ulgy and fat and still cannot find a mate who will love me for me. Please don't get me wrong, I am so greatful for the surgery and my wonderful doctor. It is just me I guess... My question is,does anyone else out there feel the same and how are you dealing with it? I do have before and after pictures on my profile:[email protected] please someone out there tell me why.... Thanks, james

James, You are doing great! Keep up the good work, you are healthier for it. I am 5'1" and my husband is 6'. We both were morbidly obese when we met and that has made no difference. Granted it is hard to find others out there when we've been out of the scene for awhile. We met through the classified ads. However, I think you could benefit from counseling to help you with your self esteem. Look at how far you've come and raising kids to boot! There is someone out there for you and when the time is right, you'll find them, weight or no weight. God bless you and keep you. I don't know if this helped you or not, but I hope so. By the way, I am scheduled for WLS on the 20th of September. Susan

Thanks, it is just really hard being alone and and taken care of kids. Seeing everyone else finding someone and I can't. I love my kids,but dad needs that someone also. They need that mothering to. I have had my kids on my own since my last one was born alone. I thought it was cause I was to fat for her or something, is why she walked away. That is way I have a very hard time dealing with this. More so for them and not me. Again, thanks for the reply and May you have the very best of luck in your surgery!

James I am also a single father. I am trying to have surgery so that I may live to see my children grow and become adults, get married, give me grandkids, etc. Maybe I would have said I wanted a mate 5 years ago if asked but I found that I am much happier living without a woman in my life. I have occasionally gone out on dates but I find that I am much happier living a celebate lifestyle. I find that most women and probably most men as well dont progress much past the age of 12, at least mentally. Most GROWN women still expect that Prince Charming will come and save them from their boring life someday. Most GROWN men are looking for someone who will be their mother and clean up after them. Personally Ive dated two women in the past 7 years. One expected marriage after 2 weeks and decided that my children would just have to go back to their mother to make room for her kids. Once I found out about her plans I showed her the door. Last I heard she was still preaching to her friends about how I have "committment" issues. I dont have issues except to say that I will NEVER abandon my children for a woman. The other woman I dated wanted a wild lifestyle, having given custody of her children away so that she could party more. I refused to leave my children at home alone so we could go to a bar and get drunk. At any rate I dont have the energy to keep looking for a good woman. If she is out there she better find me but Im not holding my breath. I realized long ago that happiness will never be found if you arent happy with yourself first. From your post I get the feeling that you havent discovered this yet. Learn to love yourself first. Man to man, you will never find happiness between someone elses legs. If all else fails you can 1) buy a new car, and 2) spend a lot of money conspicuously and Im sure some woman will notice and come running. Just kidding. I hope you can take this to heart.

I am not looking for a woman just for the sex part. I want a woman in our life to complet us. My son( soon to be sons I am adopting) need this in there life. I as a man can give them my side of life,butnot the female side they need to have the mothering side. My son now will hang with any woman cause he has not had the mother around. Like I had said before. For me, it is not an sex thing I am looking for. Having someone there to wake up to. Who wants to know how "you" are. I would not leave my kids for any woman or anything. These boys are my life and soul. I own my home,so I don't need anyone to support me.I don't need anyone to cleanup after me or my kids. I have been doing it 3 years not on my on. We were not put on this earth to be alone. Sometimes it just happens I know. But, we make our way in this old world. I just wnt someone to laugh with me and not at me. Want someone to share my days and nights with. Good and bad. Ups and downs. I know you miss that part of life also. It is not man or woman, it is just life and how we live it. I am happy with my kids before I can ever be happy about me. They are 1# in everyway. Thanks for your insight on this. Have a great day! James

Hey good things comes to those who waits............you want a woman that loves you for YOU........not because of how much you weight...........there is much more to a person that their weight..............Don't worry she will come when you least expect it. Until then be happy and enjoy the new you ..............you have to love yourself in order for someone to love you..........

Hi everyone, I want to thank you for your reply and know that it will help me to understand why... Your thoughts on this mean alot. I will be glad to answer anything on my surgery if anyone has any questions. Have a wonderful day! James from hickory.Nc

James, Your pictures were not coming through for me on your profile. I just wanted to let you know that there is a good woman out there just for you. I wish you lots of luck in finding her. I also wanted to ask you if you go to support group meetings. My doctor has meetings at the gateway center in hickory every 2nd thursday I think. lol I have so much going on it is hard to keep my schedules straight. If you are interested in attending let me know and I will find out when it is for you. Joyce

I would love to go to the support meetings.. My problem is, none of the doctors around here done my surgery. So, I was told I could not go to the meetings here. I was so bad, none of the doctors around here would touch me. Dr.Huffman in hendersonville,nc done mine. Wonderful people there! If you can check on it? I would love to go... Thanks!

You have to love yourself before you can be loved by somebody else. It takes a loooooong time for the mind to catch up to the body - especially when youve changed so dramatically in a short period of time. I am not dealing with this but my friend who had surgery 4 years ago still is... she went from 380lbs to 170ish and looks in the mirror and still sees herself as fat and ulgy. You may want to check out therapists... one that specializes in eating disorders would be best since they understand better everything you have gone thru.