Going crazy trying to avoid stress...

Im not asking to be psycho analized but I really have a problem dealing with stress and stressful people, namely my ex wife and mother. I just have to get this off my chest. To give you an idea of my ex wifes state of mental health... One day I came home from work when she was still pregnant with our daughter and she was in the front yard frantically trying to bring my clothes, books etc back in the house before I got home. It seems she got mad at me while I was at work and threw all my possessions into my front yard. Over the course of the day she forgot what she was mad about and tried to bring everything in and make it look like she never tried to kick me out.... Among a long list of negative traits my ex wife possesses is a need to nag. She cant be happy with anything and there always has to be a fight going on. She always had to have myself and my children on the edge ready to jump at a moments notice because she felt like screaming at something. That something usually meant us. I dealt with the stress by eating....A LOT. Although only overweight at the time I had a heart attack in 1999 at age 29 due solely to the stress of having to deal with her. Six months after the heart attack I left the marriage and took my kids with me. Skank (my pet name for the ex wife) was perfectly fine with my taking care of the kids and even brought her son (my step son) to live with me as she wasnt willing to take care of him. She didnt call or see our children more than 3 times in 3 years. I took care of the kids for 3 years until being laid off in 2002. Being unable to afford to feed them without help anymore I asked her to buy them some clothes for school or something. She flew into a rage and swore never to pay child support or help take care of them, including her son. This escalated into her pushing me through a plate glass window in 2002. She was heavily into cocaine at the time and figured that if I was dead she wouldnt have to pay child support. I guess she never figured she would get charged with murder if I died. I nearly lost my right arm that day and had to have it surgically re attached. For any who doubt I can send the pics via email. I still have to deal with her as she somehow still has the right to weekend visitation. Every meeting is held on police property as I do not trust her to be civil. She regularly threatens to not bring the kids back from visitation and instead claims to be planning to run off with them, etc. I have learned that the police automatically dont believe a man and will run to her "defense" when she asks. I did learn that I can present an officer of the law with the ultimatum of help me or arrest me and they will help me. So far Ive never been arrested and Ive gotten a police escort to retrieve my kids twice now... As you might guess my eating binges usually occur when she has my children for visitation. My mother is the same way. She is pushy and confrontational. She is always looking for an argument. She will show up at my house uninvited and demanding this and that. My kids will go outside and she will follow them outside all the while fusing about something. They will come inside and she will follow them into their room. These days usually end with a fight and her screaming that she hates me and swearing never to return, etc. If only that were true. Last week she told me I was the absolute worst parent on earth, and that my ex was a far greater parent than I was and deserved to have my kids. She said this because she knows being a parent is one thing I strive to do well over all else and she knew that would hurt me more than anything else she could think to say at the time. This was in my own home and she wouldnt stop until I threatened to call the police and have her excorted off my property. This whole tirade was because I was on the computer and hadnt washed dishes yet.... Yesterday she comes by and apologizes. Five minutes later she is arguing with me that she never said anything about my ability to be a parent and 10 minutes after that she swears nothing at all happened and refuses to admit she even apologized. I learned long ago not to argue with her about this because it just feeds the fire. I could go on and on about this..... Im serious about this...ARE ALL WOMEN LIKE THIS? Am I crazy? Or are they? I know to be successful with WLS I need to handle stress but its really hard.... Ive moved once to get away from my mother and Im probably going to have to do it again in the next year or so. I was thinking about NEW ZEALAND.....

All women are not like this. Maybe you just lucked up and got the worst to make you a stronger person. Maybe you need to move away and just visit every now and then. I had a crazy ex husband. Well, he still is crazy. I have learned to ignore ignorant people. One day you will find someone that suits you and makes you happy.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this situation. All women are not like this. I know you were not asking to be psychoanalyzed, and I'm certainly not qualified anyway. However, it probably would be a good idea to speak to a counselor to uncover why you were attracted to a woman like your ex in the first place, it seems to me that if you can figure that out, you'd be less likely to repeat it in the future. Just a thought. Take care. ~Ellen

First if all I am so sorry you are having such a hard time with your X, but like most of us who have been in relationships that have not lasted due to whatever reason, we suck it up and deal . My X husband and I are really great friends now , after a 16 year marrage , he being caught up into drinking and being very abusive to me, I finally left him, the difference for me was The Lord, I have found so much calm in his arms , and with his love and forgiveness I also found a way to forgive the X. My X shot at me with my own gun, he told me he would kill me if I even tried to take anything that belong to me, I left my house that I had helped pay for all my furinture, I left it all because I was so scared. At the time , I know he would have killed me. And you want to know why he was like he was??? he said I was FAT and he hated me , no I did not do anything wrong, I was a great wife, I put his shoes on his feet every morning, I did whatever I could to make him happy.... it did not work, happiness can only be found with yourself first. SO please stop bashing women, and stop blaming all females on your pain. Look at what in your life is good, like healthy children even the fact that your own stepson would choose to stay with you,,, means you are LOVED, and that is something some people never know. As far as your mother, just don't be like her, she has mental issues that you can not change. Pull yourself into the Lord turn over all this hate for women to him allow him to calm your heart. Happiness is out there, I know you have had so much pain , but look at life like this in years down the road you will have your children there to love you, when some of us will not. You must look for what is good not what is bad, and do not feel sorry for yourself, you make the change. Good Luck

Please dont think Im am bashing women about this. I am SIMPLY STATING that I have a lot of stress trying to deal with two people who happen to be female. JEEEESH My life now is good. I lost my step son in court because he wasnt a flesh and blood relative. My daughter and son live with me though. Regarding my ex I used to work 2 full time jobs and come home to a daughter who hadnt had her diaper changed in 14 hours and a wife passed out drunk on the couch. Thise were the better days because she couldnt do or say much when she was hung over. If she got loud Id just bang some pots and pans together in the kitchen and she would run off to bed again. The worse days ...well lets just say they involved a half dozen men jumping out the bedroom window when I came home from work. Before I worked in a mill and made 70,000 a year and was always broke. She always had to have a new car (5 new cars in 7 years of marriage), new clothes, etc. After the divorce and being laid off I went back to college. Im still in school, working on my second and third degree at the same time, making one fifth what I used to but living better as well. Ive found my happiness. Its in my kids. Its in changing the things about myself I dont like and trying to become healthier. Its in getting the education I never would have gotten otherwise. Its in living for myself and not for someone else who would only have been happy if I dropped dead.

Robert, Not to sound negative, but it seems like, after reading many of your posts, it is possible that you do have negative feelings about women in general....I'm not judging you, but maybe counseling would be helpful...if it's not women, then maybe an overall bitterness that tends to come across in your posts. This may be justified considering your past, but a more positive outlook on life might help you in your quest for happiness. We all have our demons and disappointments that make us sad. Like Allison, I was married to an abusive alcoholic who I allowed for three years to break my spirit...after leaving it took many years to get back to myself. I take responsibility for my choices and I don't blame him for what happened to me...I just try to learn from it and not make the same bad choices. I'm not bitter or resentful...I am sad sometimes that I wasted those years...but we all go on. What always helps me when I feel anger, bitterness or sadness is the serenity prayer and it works...as simple as it is. I hope you find a way to be happy and I wish you the best of luck. Jamey

Dude!!!!!!!!!! Why are you still dealing with your ex. I don't see my ex or even talk to him. After being married 18 years and 2 kids I found my ex( now). I found him at the motel with his boss lady. Well the pain was so hard and bad. But after a while it got better. Well about 2 years later I met this man. Fell in love and he would come stay with me when he was not working. We was so close. Well one day he turned mean to me. That was not like him. I ask him was he cheating. And he said no. Well after 5 yes 5 freaking years I caught him cheating. I still dated him while he still had his other girlfriend for over a year. I wonder if they are any men out there that don't cheat. So I think women and men are all a little crazy when it comes to love.... And your mom will be your mom! You just gotta love and keep her close. God Bless you AMy

I have to deal with her because of court ordered visitation. Thats it. The only conversations I will have with her pertain to our children. Any attempt to talk about anything else results in my hanging up the phone. I wont see her any other place but on police property. Believe me all contact with her is at an absolute minimum.

hey I just noticed you live close to me. I am in Albemarle cool Amy