Handling questions

I told my mother yesterday that I had a date for surgery. This is out-of-the-blue for her since I didn't tell her I'd been researching. Now she has a million questions and I'm sure she's terrified. I've told her I'm having surgery in California... I didn't mention it's actually in Baja, California, Mexico. She's asking all sorts of questions today: How do you know it's not a scam? Is it a real hospital? Why can't you do it locally? I'm sure she'd rather I didn't go do it at all, and I'm sure she has a million more questions that she's thinking of, understandably. I guess my major frustration lies in the fact that I've be researching this surgery for 3 years, and have researched Dr. Aguirre since January. I feel I am very knowledgeable about what to expect, but nobody would know that since I've kept it to myself. If I didn't mind my mother knowing I was going to Mexico, I'd direct her to this website... but NO WAY! What do you think? Is silence golden? Do I wait until after the fact to fill her in? What would you do? Traci

I tried to tell nobody, but I gave in and told my mom. When presented with all the facts, she was very understanding and supportive. But it was a journey for her to get there. She was skeptical of the surgery in general, then going to Mexico to have it done. But I was firm in my decision, and she soon enough supported my decision. I'm glad I told her. It is major surgery and I'm glad I didn't go all the way down there without her knowing. Bridget

Good morning, Bridget. I agree with you. I feel better that she knows. I've decided to keep with the story that it's in California. She'll have an easier time handling that. I know she has a lot of questions, but I don't think she knows how to ask them, and when she brings things up, I know she can feel that I don't want to discuss it. Thanks for getting back to me! Traci

I'm glad you're at peace with your decision. It's hard for people to understand. My mom has always been on the smaller side of normal weight. When I became overweight as an adult, I thin my mom never really understood how I felt, or where I was coming from, never having suffered from obesity herself. I know when I first mentioned RNY to her, her response was "why surgery? Why not just go on a diet?" If only it was that easy. Now I'm dealing with how to respond to my mom as I lose weight, and she suddenly wants to be more involved in my life and do more things with me. I don't know how to accept her presence into my life more, without feeling hurt that she hasn't always been so involved. Bridget

I never told anyone but my husband and kids and best friend. Today, I broke down and told my brother and he was sooooo supportive. His biggest concern was about my safety and health of course. I told him I had researched for a year and a half and had to condense what all I had learned, but to trust me. He really was great. Your mom is only worried about your health and safety. You are her baby. Do you have children? If so, would you want to know? The website would answer millions of her questions and invariably it will probably all come out eventually. Tell her you need her support and to arm herself with info. She can't go wrong on OH. Kim M.

Hi, Kim. You're right. Lots of times I forget to put myself in her shoes. Of course I'd want to know... and not only am I her baby, I'm the youngest, the only girl, and the one she's closest to, for sure! She's just worried. I need to do what you did, and let her know how long I've been researching this... that I know what I'm doing. Great advice, thanks! Traci

Traci, You are in a tough positions and I did the same exact thing as you. I to this day have not told anyone but my parents, sister and boyfriend. I told my best friend that I had surgery and down played it that it wasn't a big deal and I said California too Personally I feel that it's hard to explain such a life changing proceedure to someone that doesn't understand and then to tell them that you're going to Mexico! It was just more than I wanted to deal with! As for your mom, now that you've let the cat out of the bag, I'd say go on the website with her and show her the different areas and she'll probably come around. Good luck to you! Missy

Hi, Missy. That's what I was thinking. Tell no one (except my parents) and either let them figure it out on their own or just think I'm incredibly gifted in the weight-loss department. My husband and my son (amost 8 years old) know. I'm not telling my daughter as she wouldn't understand (she's almost 6). It's a good idea you had to go to OH with my mom and show her around. Thanks for the words of wisdom!!! Traci

my sisters words were" i suport you not nesecarily your decision! pardon spelling! we had a ball! she was very satisfied with the trip!