Ummmm......

Ummmm..... Let's see..... Ok, like Donna I plan to write letters and put a will together. Last night I was laying in bed thinking about what I would write to everyone. No problems. But the last person was my son. I couldn't do it. I couldn't think about what would happen if something went wrong. I can't imagine not being able to see him, hug him, kiss him. He's my life, my heart, my being. He's my world. The fear of writing this letter makes me not want to have this surgery...... This has nothing to do with what will happen to him if something happens to me, I'm not worried about that, I have a tight weave of family and friends to take care of it, it's about me not being able to be with my son. Not being able to kiss his little chin, or read him stories at night, or see his cute little naked butt running across the room when he's done with his bath..... I know it's morbid to think about, but it's a reality when it comes down to it. So what I'd like to ask is, from all your experiences, what's the best thing to do..... Write the letters and deal with it, or save myself the torment, and just focus on the good stuff. This is all a bit much for me.... I see both sides of the picture. I see the bad side and I see the good side where I'm running and playing with my son. I see myself being a better mom...... What to do????? Cheers, Lorraine

Wow!!! I totally understand how you feel. My kids are my world, and i know what you mean. Honestly, even if you did not have the surgery, you should still have a will, and letters and even one to your son. You never know when it is time to go... it could be on your way to the grocery store, or to the movies... so, really i am glad that i have the letters and i may modify them later in life, but it is a good idea to have them. I hope i am not confusing you. Today, i am positive... it will probably change again tomorrow and i will freak out again, but i will keep going because in the long run, things will be so much better. Lorraine, write to him, tell him how much you love him. Tell him what you told us about kissing his chin... and someday when he is grown, you can give him that letter to read, as you sit next to him. It will be special. Hugs, donna

Do what you can to get yourself through this positively. Long ago, I prepared for unexpected events. I make it a point when I go out of town to let my son know where money is, and what to do in case I fall out of the sky in a an airplane (since 9/11). It is so casual now, that it has no emotional connection to it. It's kinda "just the facts, maam" and then we do the huggin' thing. That's when it's emotional. So, maybe write who you can, and write to yourself if you want. Years from now, you may get a kick out of it. We're kind of like a butterflies going through changes. Very Best Wishes

I see a shrin****assionally, not for anything bad, just to keep my head out of the clouds so to speak. And I was talking to him about just this thing the other day, and he explained to me that it was a good idea but not to give the letters before you go. Make them something that is given after "the unthinkable" happens. I don't know what to do really, but I do have my will done and am planning to write the letters. Jeremy

My plan was to leave the letters with my husband and if something happens he can hand them out. I do have a problem with letting my band thoughts mind get the best of my good thoughts mind. I suppose because there have been so many bad things happen to me in my life, I've grown to expect them..... Anyway, I'm going to get over it and write the letters. Like Donna said, it's good to have them even if there's nothing in particular to have them for. I'm going to try my damnedest to think positive!! Cheers! Lorraine

P.S. How are things going Jeremy? Do you have a date yet? Cheers! Lorraine

I dont have an exact date yet, but the last week of October is what I am going for. This way I have plenty of vacation/sick/comp/personal time from work and I have my car paid off and another thousand in savings. I am getting a loan from my bank that will pay off my house and gm card and enough for the surgery. I only have 17k left on my house - yay!!! and then it is all mine hahahaha.....

I couldn't do it, so I didn't. I had my journal that I wrote in and it was available to read. I figured they would see it at some point. Most people who die do not know so ahead of time, so they can't write those letters. I would rather do it, but if you can't, you can't. My son was 2.5 when I had my surgery, so I know what you are talking about. It was hard when I thought of him. But I realized that God would take care of me and my family how we needed to be taken care of. I just left it in his hands and I had tremendous peace over it when I went. Dina

I seldom post, but this is an issue that I too struggled with. I have 5 sons and they are my world. Everyone, family and friends alike had major issues with the "what if's" almost to the point I nearly changed my mind about having surgery. I layed awake many nights trying to figure out how to help everyone, including myself through this and I came up with the best idea ever! As morbid as this sounds, I was the guest of honor at my own Wake! I planned, sent out invitations to my family and friends, shopped, and cooked a favorite food of each of my sons and husband. I bought small but meaningful gifts for everyone and gave them out at the party. We played games, took lots of pictures and most of all we talked. Everyone shared stories about special times with me, and I shared special memories about them as well. Everyone said those things not only to me, but also to eachother, that they "wished they would have said...". At the end of the party, everyone was happy and more relaxed, not only about my surgery, but also with their life in general. Every person who was there that night learned many things about themselves and others that they had never known before. It was awesome to have been a part of such a loving experience! The story doesn't end there however. As everyone was getting ready to go I gave them another invitation to my "Resurrection Party" which we had 6 weeks later! Those two parties are still quite a topic with us all. We learned many things but I think the biggest lesson learned was, if you have something you need to tell to a love one or in some cases a un-loved one, say it now, it's truly the best gift you could ever give of yourself! Anyways, this is how I handled the problem. Cheryl

Lorraine, QUIT! You're making me cry! How about just making a copy of your post for him? (Although I know you will be just fine!) I send my son, who is 18, a text message right before I left for San Diego saying, "I love you and I am so proud of you". I felt that said it all. Best wishes and stop worrying and making me cry! Kathleen