Sensitive!

Hi, I feel rather stupid posting this but I feel so sensitive lately. I just want to sit here and cry. I just had someone emsil me and tell me i was no where near fat enough to even consider WLS. Well, I suppose I should be complemented but I cried. The kids at school are so wild. It is the end of the school year and no matter how much they say they hate school and the teachers they hate the summer more. why, because no one is there for them. They are just left to fend for themselves. Anyway, I thought I posted some good info about Mexico and such on the Dr Aguirre's board but I never got a response. That bothered me. I am from there. I didn't just make stuff up. I guess I am posting to see if any of you felt this way before surgery. I have less than one month to go and I can't put a finger on how I feel. My man friend thinks I am crazy. Will he still love me after? Will the saggy skin be more horrible than the fat? Does he love me now? Wow!!! Dina had some great questions and I think this is an addition to her post. Do you guys think you have changed? Do people approach you differently. Will I still be a good teacher? I am alread high maintanence and snobby (its true) will I be worse???? Another problem that is just killing me. I have a very close friend. We talk everyday and I usually see her at least four times a week. We are best buddies and share some very sad experiences that are the same. This is how we hooked up together in the first place. anyway, everyday I used to get the "I am so fat" comment from her. It bugged me but I just let it go. Now, its like she is ignoring me. Its like she doesn't want to hang out anymore. Is this because she has always been the thin one? she isn't thin but she is thin compared to me. Did anyone find they had friends that didn't want to be friends after surgery? did you see jealousy you never saw before? Did friends try to sabotage your success? Thanks everyone! I need help! Am I weird? Is this all normal???? I feel so sad.

I think what you are feeling is normal. Before surgery i think a lot of people feel like they are on an emotional roller coaster. I think the whole thing brings out all of our insecurities. Some people told me that i didn't need to have the surgery either. You just need to focus on the positive. Dina's post was very thought provoking and it helped me examine some of the issues i hadn't thought about. You have made the right decision for you and you need to go with it. Hopefully your friend will come around. Keep your spirits up. I will keep you in prayer. Janice

Dearest Canela; You should know that you are a major inspiration to me! I follow your cheery comments and inquiries all the time! I am going to be right there with you in Ensenada as we both take the BIG STEP. As we are closing in on our 'dates with destiny' (four weeks to go!!!) , it is completely understandable that you are feeling rough around the edges. So am I. Holey moley, we are about to do something like............. boarding a space shuttle......... or climbing an uncharted mountain. I have some idea of the goal, but I'm freaked about the journey! Let's just keep in mind the basic philosophy: a journey begins with a single step. Keep taking single (manageable) steps, and soon the destination will be in sight. I am looking forward to our time together in Ensenada (well , OK one or the other of us is going to be medicated most of the time !) but we'll know that we are in it together. Big Hugs, Sherry (June 24th)

Canela: I was a crazy woman a month before my surgery. Hang in there. Today is my 6 month anniversary, I am 80 pounds down, and I feel and look great. Yes, I have some saggy skin, but it looks a lot better than skin bursting at the seams with fat!

Dear Canela you will be just fine. The month before my surgery I was crying almost every day. My husband sought that I don't want to have this surgery. But it was only my nerves. When the actual day came I was so relaxed. And if your friend loves you as fat he will love you with the loose skin too. Just take a deep breath. Julia

Thanks everyone for the replies. I knew you could make me feel better! Yes, Sherry we will be there together and I am so glad of that! Maybe you should go first!!!!! How long and where are you staying? Love to you all

Canela - I'm really exhausted and sleep-deprived right now so I hope this comes out not sounding like a drunk person wrote it, but I just had to respond to tell you that I think many if not most people experience some of those emotions. I think the thing is people don't realize how intense this is. We, as fat people, tend to look at this as possibly our last hope and the surgery although generally has positive outcomes, can be risky and I think spoken or unspoken we tend to dwell on the morose...death and saying goodbye to family and friends and savoring moments just in case. To me I had peace through God, but I do know there was a sense of jumping off a building with a little net below....praying that it would be big enough to catch me. It felt like a real and palpable thing that I could die. As time went on and I left it in God's hands more and more I became quite calm and relaxed. I knew it was going to be okay, and even if not, I was prepared....and I knew this would all be in God's good time. He paved the way for me to make it to Mexico, I figured he wanted me there for one reason or another. Don't worry - you are normal and I think you will also find that calm come over you as your time nears. Just keep venting it out - you will feel better if only to do that little bit! Dina

Everything you are feeling is normal and although it's easier said than done - it's better to try (I said try) and not worry about what everyone is going to be like after - worry about yourself and be a little selfish to worry about yourself and your goals and keep focused. For me, I had both sides of the spectrum. I remembered what it was like my whole life to be thin, popular and now I realize to have gotten further in my career because of the way I looked. Then I saw what it was like from the other side, being overweight for 8 years and having a man (insane one I might add) jump up on the plane because he didn't want me sitting next to him and he shouted it out for the whole plane to hear, I clearly recognized that people treated me differently at work and being in a European fashion company where the senior management even will comment to me - a fellow overweight person -- "don't put that girl at the door to greet people because she's fat, etc.". I also had (past tense) a spouse who found someone else because I "let myself go". Now, I am only 9 weeks post-surgery and it is unbelievable to me how different already people treat me. I'm talking night and day. My career is taking off again. I've been assigned to the most senior projects. I'm actually being sent to the Playboy Mansion to present something to Hugh Hefner -- an assisngment I would have never gotten before! My @##@@ husband is at my feet, guys are hitting on me. But.........my current closest friend for the last 10 years -- not a word to me - as if I never even had major surgery. People around me can say "you look great". Not a word from her. So, all in all I take the compliments in stride, I take the job perks for what they are and I stay focused on my internal self because that's all that matters.

You know I got fat when I married the first time and even though my husband was handsome, nice, etc. He never had an opinion about anything. He told me he was afraid to give me his opinion. Afraid of what? consequently, I had no respect for him and I did treat him like **** He is a very nice man but he drove me nuts. After that I married a young (20 years younger) Hispanic man that did nothing but drink and have babies with other women. I got fatter. Now, it's just me and my pugs. I wonder if the will notice? Anyway, I thank everyone for the posts. I am just three weeks away from a new beginning. I am so hoping I will get some dating time in! Can't tell you how long it has been since I was taken out wined and dined. My one worry is my closest friend. I think she is jealous because she has always had this thing where she mentions weight whenever we are together (almost daily). I just ignored her comments because she is really a wonderful friend. I hope we can keep our friendship intact.

i have a friend that is now avoiding me. and i can relate, i avoided her when she was in midst of loosing 100lbs without wls. anyway she has gained it back and is now avoiding me. at the time and after much thought i decided what if the roles were reversed? i decided to be happy for her success, and told her sorry for acting stupid. now she is the one struggling - and i cant blame her - ive been there. my advice, concentrate on yourself and she may or may not come around. i hope that made sense. diane