What kind of person will you be?

Well if it ain't my favorite flower lady! I have to tell you something: I really respect how you are dealing with this. I know exactly what you mean about feeling safe about flirting and all when you are heavy. It is more safe (although not entirely without it's hazards). But to have respect for other's when you know they are going to grow uncomfortable as you shrink is just beautiful. People can't help it sometimes - they start to feel uneasy, and I expect that to happen. Heck - I feel uneasy knowing I'm going to tip the balance at work with my friend. I mean here I am - always have been a size or so larger than her. Now I'm going to pass her up - I'm putting things out of whack. I expressed how I had a little sadness that this balance would get out of whack because in my eyes she would always be a lot like me but just a little smaller. It's not that I want to stay fat for her, but I just want her to come along for the ride and stay smaller than me! Anyway, my point is that I feel a shift already, and others will most certainly have a shift. I've read it over and over how some people have problems with co-workers who cause problems with them. So certainly we can't control their reactions to us, but we can do as you are doing and try to minimize the impact. It's just such a kind thing to do. I wanted to just throw in also that my friend who is a huge flirt at work, she is the kind of person who attracts attention regardless of her size. She got into this flirty thing with a trooper for awhile and it was fine, but like I was saying earlier - it's not without it's hazards - it was getting a little too serious for my comfort. She is a strong Christian, but I saw her following a path of a little too much eye contact because it had just grown a life of it's own - this flirting. I think in a small way I rained on that parade by cooling the atmosphere between that trooper and myself, thus making it uncomfortable for them. I haven't seen that scene for over a year now which I am thankful for. But I really felt a sense of danger for her, even though I know she didn't think she was the type to get wrapped up in something like that. But I certainly saw it. She started complaining about her husband....which she never did before. It was enlightening for me....yet another example of how easy it is to get lulled off track when you least expect it. Dina

Dina, I was discussing this with one of my close friends yesterday. I mean I think I am a pretty good fat person. I am told I am very funny, my students think I am crazy, I work with disabled and challenged kids and zi like them. I wonder if I will still be that pretty good person, funny and accepting when I am thin (which I am still not convinced I will be). I am a behavior specialist and I see and help my students work towards change on a daily basis. I have to admit that sometimes I wish I had of left them alone because I liked them better the old way. The old way, however, was not exactly socially acceptable and had gotten them to me, which usually means they had quite a bit of trouble. Sometimes I think, "There really is nothing wrong with me so why the heck am I doing this." Is this just another fad like Jenny Craig, Weight Loss Center, acrylic nails, wigs, platform shoes and so on. Am I doing this out of vanity and if so is that really so bad? I already have one close friend that seems angry at me. She is heavy but not overly so. I don't think I will look at her differently but she is already looking at me differently. Sometimes I just want to cancel!!!! Someone at work said, But you won't be plump and jolly anymore!" Is that really so? There really is no way to answer that.

Canela - On the main level I don't see you as doing this for a vanity boost. I'm seeing it for most of us as being a health issue we are trying to address. No one I know really wants to die young, and basically that is what we are dealing with. The rest is just gravy. That being said, we know we are going to have some vanity seep into the corners along the way. I found myself doing it the other day in the car. I was looking in the rear view mirror and suddenly got a glimpse of my eyes. My eyes that weren't puffy anymore. My eyes that suddenly looked pretty to me. And I kept wanting to look at them. So the vanity does happen. It's not the goal, but rather the result of what happens to us I think. Generally I don't think there is anying inherently bad about appreciating how we look in the end. I think it's just important that we are able to put it in proper perspective and not let it guide our thoughts and actions. And if it starts to - we'll all have to hunt down our own Canelas to help modify our behavior! Dina

I am glad you posted on this topic. It really helps to try to understand other things besides just the weight coming off. By the way, I still don't really believe that the weight will come off. I know it will but I just don't believe something will finally work. I also think I am sabotaging myself right now because I am always hungry. Thanks again!

I remember back to December of 1981...my mom and I was out shopping for my wedding dress. The perfect most beautiful dress in the whole world ... was a size 18... I was a 20. I cried when I looked at that dress and knew then I'd have a hard time finding something to fit me. Sure...I ended up with a nice dress...but it wasn't "THE" dress of my dreams. (ah well...the marriage didn't last long anyway) All my life I have been big and I can't imagine what it's going to be like to look in a mirror and see a new me. I have prayed for this change for years and i know i will cherish every moment...every shed pound...but change my personality? change who I am? I can't imagine (pre-op) that my personality will change post-op. But you know what?...I pray if there is a change...that its a good change Change for the better is always welcome. My dad asked me the other day to remember that after the surgery I should still maintain my same morals. I told him I would still be a christian no matter what size I am. I have 4 beautiful wonderful intelligent nieces ages 16 to 25 and all of them are the same size that I am now. I pray that I won't look at them with any less love and respect than I give them now. (they informed me the other day that they expect my closet doors to be thrown wide open before the year is out) I dont want them to dread seeing me coming and try to hide who they are because I have become a healthnut. I pray someday that they find a healthly life also. ok...I know I rambled a bit here..sorry bout that. Thanks for posting that question Dina and making me think and making me realize there is the possibility that I will most likely be different after the surgery. Tracy

Tracy - I think you have shown that you have given this some thought indeed! I too feel the same as you - I will still be a Christian and keep those morals. I do feel that God led me (and you!) to this conclusion and will certainly help see us through the ensuing psychological and emotional changes along the way. I hope your nieces enjoy the clothing! Maybe once you shrink out of the sizes smaller than what they can wear they will be motivated to do something about it. It's easier to take it off on your own as a kid - the key is if they can keep it off. I wasn't disciplined enough, but I know some people who were. Dina

What a thought provoking question. One that i have thought about. I know that when i lost a lot of weight after my second son was born (he's 24 so that will give you an idea how long ago that was!) I became very wrapped up in my appearance--that vanity thing. Not only that, even though I weighed 118 lbs (I hadn't weighed that since I was in 5th grade. I'd been overweight all my life) I still I thought i was fat. I think I was uncomfortable with my body image and who I had become. I gained all the weight back plus an additional 100 lbs. Being a fat lady was what was comfortable. I lost the weight for all the wrong reasons back then. I was focused on looks not on health. My focus now is health. I know that if i want to be around to enjoy my grandchildren (which I don't have yet but am looking forward to) and do fun things with them I have to lose weight to be as healthy as possible. I know myself so much better than I did when I was 28 so I know that my response will be different--more thoughtful rather than just rushing headlong into whatever. That whole marriage thing is something I've thought about also. I've been married 32 years to a wonderful man who has supported me in many ways. I see this as a wonderful opportunity for us to grow together and explore so many things that we haven't been able to pursue due to my weight. One of my goals is to hike the Grand Canyon with him. Dina, thanks for the stimulating question and musings.