The hopeless feeling. My rock bottom.
So I am currently saving up for my surgery with Dr. Kelly. I am self pay and will be having surgery in July.
Until then I have adopted a pretty rigorous diet: Husband and I are eating "Paleo" basically only lean meats and veggies. This is my last "Ditch effort" at normal weight loss. I am not doing any dairy, or fruits right now. Nothing to spike glycemic waves. Anyway, I am putting forth A LOT of effort to say the least while trying to do some P90X, weights and WATER. Dispite my efforts for over a month, I have made NO progress on the scale. Today is MLK day and hubby and I have it off work together. I woke up excited to weigh in, surely I have lost weight, I am killing myself over here! Got up at 6am ready for the treadmill and weigh in,snuck on the scale, still 221!!! Slid back into bed and did the silent cry thing for about an hour. How on earth do I defy the laws of math and physics and all that is holy?!!! I am determined to fix this about myself. I do not want to spend the rest of my 30's and the last part of my youth this way.
I know this is the Mexico forum for Gastric sleeve and all, but I hope its ok if I vent from time to time before my surgery!! I do not have friends I can talk to about this. My friends are thin, I am the happy funny fat girl in the pack of girls. You know the one, the one who always has a smile and a joke, the one men never notice ( I am happily married, but it is still nice to know other find you attractive)
I have passed up a lot of my life watching things from the sidelines, being too embarrased or afraid of nasty comments to participate. I decline invitations to parties and events. I do not like to socialize unless forced to because of my weight. I cannot have a baby with my husband.
My rock bottom hit on New Years. I was invited to a HUGE party that required formal attire. I shopped at every known store in my town and found nothing that didnt make me look like Shamoo. I ended up wearing a rather ugly dress I already had that I felt totally uncomfortable in all night. I people watched all night..... gorgeous women prancing about all night, sparkling in ****tail dresses and stilettos, knowing I was probably one of the fattest girls there out of about 6000 people. My hubby looked fabulous of course, as did my thin friends who danced the night away while I held jackets and chatted with husband. I act like I dont mind, BUT I DO! I want to dance and wear something pretty and not think about my size for one second. Even in my avatar pic, ( I am the blonde on the far left) I was at my sisters wedding. She asked me to be in it and I just couldnt do it. I couldnt imagine all those people looking at my back fat and butt while I stood up there :( i watched from the audience of course. Luckily my sister was ok with it ,as her friend was chomping at the bit to be Maid of Honor.
And if I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say what a beautiful face I have!!!....UGG I even overheard a good looking male nurse tell another nurse while I was in the hospital one time, " Man that girl would be HOT if she wasnt such a fatty" My all time favorite was when an old lady of about 80 years old came up to me at a resturant and said, " My daughter lost a lot of weight on slim fast drinks." When I looked at her shocked and slightly confused, she smiled at me and said, " Its just such a waste of a pretty face. You should try them"
Needless to say I ordered salad that night and sucked in the tears until I could get in my car. She had humilated me in front of everyone, and I of course laughed it off and make a joke of it to seem like I wasnt bothered.
So anyway, having a day for sure! I really like coming here and reading everyones posts and blogs. It is a highlight in my day and sometimes keeps me from giving up on ever being a normal size. So thanks to you all for that! Cheers
My stats:
5 ft 1
221 pounds
34 years old
Until then I have adopted a pretty rigorous diet: Husband and I are eating "Paleo" basically only lean meats and veggies. This is my last "Ditch effort" at normal weight loss. I am not doing any dairy, or fruits right now. Nothing to spike glycemic waves. Anyway, I am putting forth A LOT of effort to say the least while trying to do some P90X, weights and WATER. Dispite my efforts for over a month, I have made NO progress on the scale. Today is MLK day and hubby and I have it off work together. I woke up excited to weigh in, surely I have lost weight, I am killing myself over here! Got up at 6am ready for the treadmill and weigh in,snuck on the scale, still 221!!! Slid back into bed and did the silent cry thing for about an hour. How on earth do I defy the laws of math and physics and all that is holy?!!! I am determined to fix this about myself. I do not want to spend the rest of my 30's and the last part of my youth this way.
I know this is the Mexico forum for Gastric sleeve and all, but I hope its ok if I vent from time to time before my surgery!! I do not have friends I can talk to about this. My friends are thin, I am the happy funny fat girl in the pack of girls. You know the one, the one who always has a smile and a joke, the one men never notice ( I am happily married, but it is still nice to know other find you attractive)
I have passed up a lot of my life watching things from the sidelines, being too embarrased or afraid of nasty comments to participate. I decline invitations to parties and events. I do not like to socialize unless forced to because of my weight. I cannot have a baby with my husband.
My rock bottom hit on New Years. I was invited to a HUGE party that required formal attire. I shopped at every known store in my town and found nothing that didnt make me look like Shamoo. I ended up wearing a rather ugly dress I already had that I felt totally uncomfortable in all night. I people watched all night..... gorgeous women prancing about all night, sparkling in ****tail dresses and stilettos, knowing I was probably one of the fattest girls there out of about 6000 people. My hubby looked fabulous of course, as did my thin friends who danced the night away while I held jackets and chatted with husband. I act like I dont mind, BUT I DO! I want to dance and wear something pretty and not think about my size for one second. Even in my avatar pic, ( I am the blonde on the far left) I was at my sisters wedding. She asked me to be in it and I just couldnt do it. I couldnt imagine all those people looking at my back fat and butt while I stood up there :( i watched from the audience of course. Luckily my sister was ok with it ,as her friend was chomping at the bit to be Maid of Honor.
And if I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say what a beautiful face I have!!!....UGG I even overheard a good looking male nurse tell another nurse while I was in the hospital one time, " Man that girl would be HOT if she wasnt such a fatty" My all time favorite was when an old lady of about 80 years old came up to me at a resturant and said, " My daughter lost a lot of weight on slim fast drinks." When I looked at her shocked and slightly confused, she smiled at me and said, " Its just such a waste of a pretty face. You should try them"
Needless to say I ordered salad that night and sucked in the tears until I could get in my car. She had humilated me in front of everyone, and I of course laughed it off and make a joke of it to seem like I wasnt bothered.
So anyway, having a day for sure! I really like coming here and reading everyones posts and blogs. It is a highlight in my day and sometimes keeps me from giving up on ever being a normal size. So thanks to you all for that! Cheers
My stats:
5 ft 1
221 pounds
34 years old
You are going to LOVE clothes shopping when that weight comes off! Totally different experience!!!
Your skinny friends will NOT understand. Start now with a WLS support group in your area. They "get" you. Been there, done that. You may need to shop around to find the support group that's the right fit. Some are awesome, some............now so much, lol.
Hi there,
We are so alike I had to write you. I am 33 5 ft 3 and 230 pounds. I hope we can be friends as I too know no one that I can talk to.
I also will have to be a private pay unless I want to wait until June of 2013. I am so happy for you that you can save up for the surgery in Mexico! I wish I could too, just not possible.
I know exactly how you feel about not being able to loose weight on your own. After so many attempts I do not even bother anymore. And its not like I do not know what I am doing either, I worked for Jenny Craig.
So when do you expect to be able to have the surgery?
We are so alike I had to write you. I am 33 5 ft 3 and 230 pounds. I hope we can be friends as I too know no one that I can talk to.
I also will have to be a private pay unless I want to wait until June of 2013. I am so happy for you that you can save up for the surgery in Mexico! I wish I could too, just not possible.
I know exactly how you feel about not being able to loose weight on your own. After so many attempts I do not even bother anymore. And its not like I do not know what I am doing either, I worked for Jenny Craig.
So when do you expect to be able to have the surgery?
You sound so much like me too. I am 5'3, 227lbs and 37 yrs old. I too couldn't do it on my own. Have been fat for almost 20 yrs now, and gave up trying to loose weight a long time ago, after many failed attempts too. I also couldn't get pregnant due to my weight, and stress issues. I ended up with a hormone imbalance, which made me annovulatory. After trying for 8 years, with no luck, and not able to loose the weight to help me, I made the decision to have the surgery. I too avoid functions. I don't have any friends outside of work acquaintances, so I never go out with anyone, other than family. I have a wonderful husband, who is slim, and fell in love with a fat girl, but he is also insecure and antisocial, so he rarely goes out with friends either. So we do everything together.
I'm so sorry about the old lady's comment. I have had many of those too, even from my own in laws who are all slim. I do work with many other overweight people and most are heavier, so I always felt comfortable there, but would feel even better 100lbs lighter. Like you, I have a defiant swagger to me, that shows confidence on the outside, but I am constantly crying on the inside.
I am so happy I chose this journey. It will be the kick in the pants that I needed and force me to stay on the straight and narrow. I am so ready for this ride, and can't wait for the summer, which I will hopefully be half the person I am now, and can enjoy all the things in life, I couldn't before.
Just know you are not alone out there, and having this surgery will be the best decision you ever made.
Good luck.
I'm so sorry about the old lady's comment. I have had many of those too, even from my own in laws who are all slim. I do work with many other overweight people and most are heavier, so I always felt comfortable there, but would feel even better 100lbs lighter. Like you, I have a defiant swagger to me, that shows confidence on the outside, but I am constantly crying on the inside.
I am so happy I chose this journey. It will be the kick in the pants that I needed and force me to stay on the straight and narrow. I am so ready for this ride, and can't wait for the summer, which I will hopefully be half the person I am now, and can enjoy all the things in life, I couldn't before.
Just know you are not alone out there, and having this surgery will be the best decision you ever made.
Good luck.
HW: 235 SW:227 Preopw:218 GW:120 HT:5'3
We've all been there. I shake my head now to think of how desperate I was. Its crazy how it changes.
This past weekend I went to Orlando with 3 of my dser friends. We all wore skinny jeans and hooker heels and danced the night away.
I love my new body and its completely different than all those diets and punishing workouts before.
Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Its a rollercoaster. Just hang on.
This past weekend I went to Orlando with 3 of my dser friends. We all wore skinny jeans and hooker heels and danced the night away.
I love my new body and its completely different than all those diets and punishing workouts before.
Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Its a rollercoaster. Just hang on.
Most Active
Recent Topics
