I need help with making a decision - Warning: Long Post

Oh Lisa...oh my.  Yep, I'm crying again,lol.  Thank you so much for your support.  It really means so much to me.  I can't even begin to tell you.

You know I am still so very conflicted about how to handle all of this.  It's been nearly 8 months since my surgeon said to me on the phone the words that tore my heart in two "So what is it that you have a problem with?  I don't understand why you're not happy..."  Um, yeah.  That was when I knew it was really over for me.  At least intellectually I knew that my doc had written me off and that I would get no help from him.  A short conversation later and a "quote" from his office for nearly $5,000 more and I crumbled.  Then when my abdomen exploded a month or two later and I had to contact him for help and got nothing, I mean nothing....well, that was devastating to me.  Not only was he not going to help me fix the aesthetic mess I was in but I could be dying and he wasn't going to do one damn thing to help me.  Even with all of that I sat on it for months and months not knowing what to do.  I was so angry and yet  I think some little piece of me kept waiting for the phone to ring to hear him say to me that he was sorry and of course he would take care of everything.  That phone call never came.  I guess about a month or so ago after starting some therapy to help me deal with all of this I started to tell my story in public and show my photos.  The response has been overwhelming.  It is wonderful to be validated and to hear all the words of support and encouragement and anger at this doctor but it also makes it all the more real.  Does that make any sense at all?   I certainly have put the nail in the coffin of ever getting help from this doctor again. Not that I would or could ever even be in the same room with him again.  I am far too angry for that.  But it all coming out in public is just so...final.  I know that probably sound ridiculous.  I just have a lot of feelings and not all of them seem to play well with each other, lol.  I want to rip his head off and yet I struggle with this tiny bit of hope that he will still be my night in shining Armor and take it all away.  Did I mention I am in therapy now, lol??

The other thing that is really important to me in my journey to tell my story and search for answers for myself is that I not act out of anger or hatred for this doctor.  I tell you the betrayal is the worst part of all of this for me.  I adored this man from the moment I met him and I knew, I mean I KNEW, that he was going to be the one to take me to the finish line of this weight loss journey.  I trusted him and put all my faith in him.  Oh and my money as well.  I never, ever even considered such an outcome possible either surgically or otherwise.  And I am SO angry and even more hurt.  But I refuse to let that eat me up and make me lash out.  I am not going to let these emotions take me over so I am treading lightly as I move forward.  I am not out to get him or ruin him in any way.  Honestly, I want to not consider him at all.  I want to be free to tell my story so I can start to heal and I do want others to know that this is at least a side of this doctor that I don't think we have really seen before but that it is clearly there.   I don't want to ruin him.  I don't want to not ruin him if that makes any sense.  I just want not to care about him anymore.  I feel I protected him for a very long time and that is over.  He made his bed now he can lay in it.  And let the chips fall where they may so to speak.

As I sit here writing this I am so completely baffled why this doctor has chosen to behave this way.  Bad surgical outcomes happen but to completely deny them when there are clear photos that tell a very bad story about his skills (at least on the two days he was cutting me open) is just crazy.  I don't understand his decision to just blow me off like this.  He knows I was/am active on the psj site and in fact he tried to fire me as a patient when I posted about my night after surgery that the nurse would not give me any pain meds.  He was very upset with me about that so I took it down and apologized.  I thought I was just telling my story and that's what happened but he said that comments like that would ruin his business....yeah so what the hell did he think photos like the ones of my body would do to his business if they got out?!  Did he think I would be too embarrassed to post them for all the world to see?  Well, then he didn't know me at all.  I just do not for the life of me understand any of this.  Here I am nearly two years out from my first plastic surgery and I should be all healed and moved on with a fabulous life in a fabulous new body.  I just don't understand any of it at all.

I do think my story is important for others to hear but I also know there are many people, many hear on OH who have gone to this doctor and have been happy with their results and happy with their experience.  That's why I went to him.  I heard about him here, saw his ad and researched the hell out of him.  I often wonder if I had run across a story like mine what I might have done with it.  Would it have kept me from going to this doctor or influenced my decision in any way?  I don't know.  With so many positive stories out there I think probably not.  I would have figured that was just an aberration of some sort.  And maybe that's all this is.  Maybe I am just the unlucky soul who took the brunt of this man's anger (or whatever it is) and it will never, ever happen again?  Maybe.  Who knows?  But I do think people should know that even these seemingly "good" doctors can clearly and surely screw up.  Not sure what else to call this.  I do think people really need to get it through their heads that no matter how hard they try to do everything right there are some things that are out of your control.  And bad things can happen and you can end up looking like me. Or worse yet, you can end up a bleeding, oozing mess in pain every single day like me.  Not the outcome anyone wants I am sure of that.

So, my story...I don't know what to do with it.   I don't know what  consequence is fair for this man to suffer on my behalf.  I just don't know.   I am fine with you or anyone sharing my photos and my story as long as it is done to help others who may benefit from it.   If anyone wants to start a petition for this guy to give my my money back so I can go find a surgeon to fix me well I'm o.k. with that as well, lol

Hi Gracies,

I am crying for you.  I completely understand your conflicted feelings.  You trusted and were betrayed by someone you thought you knew.  I am outraged on your behalf that anyone, especially someone who is a doctor, would do to you what he has done. 

Aesthetics aside, his lack of response when you had a true medical emergency was unconscionable and unforgivable.  His only concern, it seems, is to protect his personal self interests and continue on to collect his fees and not interrupt his stream of revenue, with unsuspecting patients who believe that he is a caring, skilled doctor.  In reality, he is nothing more than a con man, who through his warm and caring act, has convinced others to utilize his services.   Have others had good experiences, great, but when the chips are down where is this guy?  

Lest others think I am slamming all Mexican docs, know that I will most likely be seeking the services of a doctor in Monterrey.  But, if anything, I will be checking this guy out until I am absolutely certain that there are no hidden stories like this one. 

This could have happened to anyone and you are not to blame because you were sucked into trusting him.  I have worked in the medical field my whole career and was seriously looking into scheduling with him, as well.   He seemed on the surface to be very highly thought of and his CV looked impressive.  He trained in the US and had worked under some pretty impressive PS in Cali.  Others liked his work and so I was almost there.  But, I can't remember what I saw, but someone had said that he was unresponsive and another had said that his work was not up to standard.  (I wish I could find those entries) but something bugged me about those comments, even though the vast majority of others liked him.  I think what really bugged me was how everyone commented on his "caring" bedside manner but few actually said OMG his work is amazing.   Just OK was not what I wanted to hear.  So I kept on looking.  And then I saw this. 

I want you to know that when I take this up with the boards, my intent is not malicious but to make sure no one else has this same experience.  And OH had better respond in kind by really reviewing their decision to accept his advertising dollars.  They have a huge responsibility to protect us all here and money should not be a factor in that decision process. 

Gracies, PM me if you want to talk directly.  I really feel for you and want you to know that you have another's support.  In the meantime, I really want to get busy on telling your story.  It is an important one and one that will help others.  Know that your experience was not without some good as you can get some solace in the fact that your story may prevent another from what has happened to you.    In the meantime,  I would contact the other doctor on his CV from the US who provided him with training and let him know what his "student" has done to you.  Perhaps, that doctor can provide some help or at least know what his protege is up to.  This certainly does not speak well for his training and this US doctor's name is attached to Dr. Q.  I am guessing when the other doc sees this guys handiwork, he will want his name removed from the CV. 

If you are still OK with this, I will be posting your story on this board, the Mexico board, the main board and the rants and raves boards.  I will also be asking that a moderator contact me and ultimately you to discuss Cosmed's advertising on this site.  I also want to contact Dr. Q to discuss the same.  BTW, I speak Spanish so not only will I be expressing my displeasure with him in English but Spanish, well! lol

I realize that on the surface I don't have a dog in this fight but for the sake of others I want to expose what has happened here.  If someone else has had the same experiences, I am betting that this may help them as well.  I cannot believe that you are alone in your displeasure in his "talents" .  Hopefully, he won't be getting any new other victims to work on.

From a personal standpoint, I have lived my life as a fat person, who in the eyes of this twisted society, was not as pretty as other skinny girls.  So now I have lost the fat and am ready to be "pretty".  That means undergoing yet another set of surgeries to remove the skin and get as "normal" as possible.  That means spending countless dollars and pain to finally arrive at my personal goal.  If I go to the "trouble" of surgery, pain and big expense, then I want the best possible outcomes and care.  Guys like this just **** me off because their only focus is on money.  They have no regard for what they do to us, nor what we have been through.  And frankly, I am too fragile for any more **** and I would guess that others feel the same.  That is why this guy cannot be allowed to profit from his malpractice and cannot target people like us. 

Let me know if you are OK with my plans. 
In the meantime, chin up.  Eight months is long enough to go this alone.  Now I am pissed on your behalf and that is not a good thing for man nor beast!!!   

: )

Lisa





,

O.k. let me try this again!  I've posted 3 times and it's not going through.  I'm going to be brief in case this one won't work either...I had to laugh about your "I'm pissed..." comment.  I swear, I get pissed and then I talk myself out of it somehow.  And then I think about his wife and children....yes, feel free to slap me, lol.  I know that's just plain stupid.  I need someone to get pissed for me since clearly I'm not doing a very good job of that myself. 

So maybe I should first go to OH and let them know the deal?  Not sure they care and that's fine but it might be a good idea for me to share my story with them even if just to let them know that it's out on this board, pics and all and that there will be discussion of some sort about it over time. 

I'm going to stop here and see if this post goes through before continuing on....

Oh good!  That one seemed to work.

It's so true about just wanting to look and feel normal.  That's all I ever wanted.  There is such shame about owning a body covered in fat and then you ditch the fat and are left a deflated balloon which just looks horrible.  I just wanted something resembling a normal human body.  I'm a middle aged woman who had no illusions about coming out wearing a bikini.  I knew I would be covered in scars and I was totally fine with that.  But the rest of it?  No, I didn't bargain for that.  It's sort of funny that going through all that I have to feel better about myself and more normal has left me the complete opposite.  I actually had pretty good self-esteem as a fatty so this is all kind of new to me.  I don't even want to leave the house.  Of course no one can tell what I really look like with clothes on so that makes no sense at all.  Still, the cloak of shame and disgust I feel over my body permeates everything that I do.  That is what I really hate.  It's not just my body but my whole life that has been left in shambles. 

I must say that I have some concerns over this being somewhat of an unfair fight in that my doc can't come on here and defend himself.  Not that he has a defense...no matter who says what my body and my photos don't lie.   Still, it isn't quite fair that this is a one sided deal.  I am sure he wouldn't talk to you or anyone about my case.  First of all, he is prohibited from doing so as that would break confidentiality.  Secondly, hell he wouldn't talk to me!  I doubt he'll have time for anyone else.  And I don't want this to get into a "he said, she said" situation either.  Again, I can't image what he could say after all I have pics, I have emails, I have a quote from him charging me for revisions.  Oh, and did I mention I have photos, lol? 

Someone asked me the other day what I would do if he called me and I felt sort of sick to my stomach.  I hadn't really thought of it but I suppose he could.  I have nothing to say to him.  Well, unless he wants to call to tell me he is refunding my money so I can get the surgery I need to fix all of this.  I might talk to him then.  But otherwise what is the point.  I'd just cry anyway.  I can't imagine talking to him or seeing him again.  I don't want to that's for sure. 

As an aside, my friend today suggested I start a "bellybutton blog" and post a new photo of the hole in my abdomen and all the bleeding and stuff....I know!  That is so sick and gross and yet I am considering it.  I have no idea of what use it may be but somehow it seems like it may be therapeutic.  (Yeah, time to bump up the therapy schedule I think, lol!)

So after all this babbling I'm not sure what to do with all of this.  Lisa what do you think of me calling or emailing OH and talking to someone about all of this and asking for some guidance from them maybe?

Hi Gracies,

I was able to read both posts!  Yeah!!  

I  think that contacting OH is a great idea.  I will be interested in hearing their opinion on this.  We do know that they have a vested interest in this guy because of advertising revenue so let's see what they do when faced with this dilemma. 

I also think that getting the "gross" photos out there is a good idea too.  Everyone needs to know what this idiot is capable of and it is not just an aesthetics issue (although that for me is enough) but also of safety and health.  

I think by just laying out the info we let the others decide for themselves if this is the type of work they want done on them.  Even if we save one person from this guy then I would say that was great.  I am all about karma and pay it forward and to alert others to potential disaster is a good thing.   As far as Dr. Q and his family, they have profited enough on the backs of people like you.  As I have said before, my guess is that you are not the only person who he has hurt.  When this gets out, I am guessing we will hear about others in the same boat.  That is absolutely unacceptable and if by some chance he is impacted by getting your story out then oh f"ing well!!!  He should have lived up to his oath and taken care of you.  I am reasonable enough to know that sometimes surgeries,even done by the best, don't go as planned, but when you called to ask for help and his only concern was losing patients not protecting and correcting his errors, then that not only speaks volumes about what type of doctor he is but also what kind of human he is!! 

Sorry I have been so slow to respond.  I have been out for the holidays.  If you want, send me the pics of the infections.  One other thing,  I am not sure what my doc will say but I am consulting with a US plastic surgeon for some minor face updating, (botox, etc) and I am going to take your pics with me to see what he says about revision and outcome. Maybe he can give us his opinion and potential costs. 

Take care.  This ain't over and before this is done we are going to see what we can do to fix this mess up.

Happy New Year.

: )

Lisa

Thanks for offering to show my pics around.  I have seen a couple of surgeons here and the prices I have been quoted for revisions are far beyond my means.  Even the two Mexican surgeons quoted me prices of $7,000 to $10,000 for revisions.  And those quotes were giving me $30-40% discount because they felt sorry for me.  Unless my surgeon sees fit to refund my money I have no means to have the necessary surgeries anytime in the near future. 

Good luck with your consultation though.  That sounds exicitng!  I need face stuff done one day.  Never had a wrinkle until I lost weight, lol!  I hope you were extra sweet to your Santa-husband this holiday season, lol.  (Does he have a brother...or elf he can send my way???)

I was going to email OH but I'm not sure which dept to email.  Member services?  I may just call them next week and see who I can find to talk to .

Thanks!