Dealing with arguments about traveling for surgery

I finally shared with my parents that I'm going through the pre-auth for WLS.     I also indicated that  it was possible that it wouldn't be covered unless I am willing to go through 3 years PCP supervised medical diet.

I then mentioned that because of self-pay I had been reviewing some of the surgeons in Mexico and was surprised at the really supportive write ups from others who had gone through this,  not to mention the cost savings.

Dad went through the roof.  Told me it's not an option - he'd pay the difference to have the surgery here, etc.    (Nice offer if it wasn't about controlling me - and I'm in my forties..  I can pay my way)     

The bigger issue here to me is that this is MY journey, I am the one doing the pre-op work the testing, the lectures, the research, and the risks will be mine to live with.      Right now - I've put him off with thank you for the offer, we'll just wait and see what the insurance company says.

Here's where I'm at though - I've met my surgeon here, I've met the staff.     I  don't feel uncomfortable with them - but nor do I connect with any of them.        I have read about some of the experiences in Mexico  where they seem to treat you as a valued customer,  and they handle your arrangments from the moment you get off the plan until you get back on .. how comfortable people have been with the experience.    And if I am self-paying - I'd rather have that - regardless of the cost.  So - what are your suggestions on how to manage Dad's fears?  Jody

   I was lucky my friends and husband were very supportive and trust my decisions, so some had a little trpidation about Mexico but knew I would not just rush into something without researching it.I used Dr Joya and he and his staff were the best. When I checked into the hospital my husband was ill with the flu and they even took care of him.     Follow up in Mexico was great, I have a great PCP here who has taken care of me snce I got home. Thinks Mexico is a great option and realizes that Dr's all over the world are skilled not  just here in the US.      I loved my RNY Experience and now am loving life afterward. No more diabettes, high cholsterol or blood pressure. I am 46 so I know that it is now or never for us ladies and I am so glad I chose now.

Hi Jody, It just takes some education- when everyone is calm you share the information you have learned through your research- I would get angry with some family members also- because their questioning my choice implied that my judgement shouldn't be trusted- I spent 100s and 100s of hours researching before I chose my surgery type and my surgeon. This was not a trifling decision made one flighty afternoon because I had nothing better to do.  I'm sure you have done the same.

others were ok with my going to Mexico with a little education about the facts-

but as you say, you do not need his permission but it is nice to have familial support- There is a a couple other Iowa people on the VSG forum who have gone to Mexico if you want to read their profiles also

 

Hi, I have gone through the exact same thing here, right down to the offer to pay the difference. The worse is the guilt treatment from my Dad, who does have a lot going on right now and doesn't need the "extra worry from me" (that is a quote from my grandma!). The only thing that has made it better is preparation on your part and having an answer for their questions, which are basically the same questions you had when you began looking into Mexico as an option. I have even had to tell my family they were basically being racist in their thinking, and a lot of people wouldn't want to seek medical care in the Applachian region (which is where we are from!!). It is your journey and you need to be comfortable in your decision. Hopefully, your family will start to come around. Having an answer to their questions and being confident yourself will really help things.

HA, have you taken a look at the doctor's at your local HMO? The last 3 doctors I saw at Kaiser (and each was a very good doctor) were from, and went to medical school in India or Asia. So, in short, we are already outsourcing our health care! I have known of people who have had the RNY here in California and have had serious complications. Location and country of origin of the doctor had no part in those problems. It is not really racism, but more of a jingoistic ignorance that if it is not American, then it is not good or not good enough. I disagree with that. I do think some of the surgery "mills" along the border, and I am mainly referring to the plastic surgery places, are a bit scary but I think if your have personal recommendations of surgeons then you are doing your due dilligence.

I'm going through this a bit with my husband. He wants me to stay local and thinks I'm a bit nuts to even consider Mexico. He is even willing for us to go into debt if it means using a local doctor. But I think it's crazy to spend $23,000 (or more) on surgery here when I can get it in Mexico for under $10,000. That is a BIG difference in price and I am convinced that the surgeon I am looking at in Mexico is just as good as the ones here.

If I lived in another part of the country, I'd be convinced he's better. My mom, for example, sometimes flies out here for medical care because her choices where she lives are crappy.

I had lap RNY last summer in Monterrey and initially had some of the same problems as you're having. I wasn't in a position to pay for my surgery and was lucky enough to have my Dad pay for it... which made his opinion of my choices very important..lol. His initial reaction to Mexico was pretty much the typical negative one...no way, absolutely not! 

I started by calmly explaining my reasons for choosing the surgeon I did  and also clearly explaining why I didn't think the surgeons here were the right choice for me.  I went over all the reasons in detail  ie. complication rates of the dr's (both the ones i wasn't choosing and the one I did want), training, follow-up care, their patient acceptence procedures, professionals like nutritionists on his team, level of care given in the hospital etc etc and finally the experiences of many of the different dr's patients - especially important to him were what some people who live in the same city as me had to say about the different doctors.

At this point he was still on the fence, but at least he was now open to the idea.  To make him comfortable with my choice I guided him to do his own research.  He was able to see for himself everything I had told him and could also see that I wasn't just ignoring the stuff that didn't support my decision.  He was basically just duplicating my research but by the end he was completely supportive of my decision to go to Mexico.