Plus Size Sex

This is a touchy subject for many. It's also a subject that effects more people than you might initially think. Weather the man, woman or both partners in a relationship are obese, the problem still remains. How can sexual satisfaction be achieved when there are physical limitations. Every relationship is different as are the people that are in them. Some find it easy to role play and use toys, and some find that it's awkward and embarrassing. Granted, it's easy for me to say, but honestly, you need to get over the awkwardness and embarrassment of using role playing and toys. When basic sexual positions and stamina are not possible, there isn't much left to work with. Toys are a benefit to any relationship, obese or not, newlywed or 50th anniversary. Used correctly, they can stimulate a relationship not only physically, but emotionally as well. They can open up channels of communications you may not have known were there. Not to mention, opening up channels or sexual exploration as well! There are so very very many toys to chose from when you walk into an adult novelty store. It can be a wee bit daunting. Here are some basic starting points for different levels of toy buyers. First timers: Start in the "Dong" section. Also known as *****s. There are different sizes, shapes and colors. If you're feeling particularly adventurous, try a ***** that vibrates. This might be frightening for some and it might be exciting although not talked about, but men can enjoy *****s as well. Men have exceptionally sensitive genitalia and anuses. Just be gentle if the man is a "virgin" to the ***** Lube is your best friend! Have fun! Those that have used *****s and want something a little more "advanced": You might go straight to the vibrator section. They also come in different sizes, shapes and colors. From tiny little bullet sizes, to corded plug-in-the-wall sizes. There are also vibrators that are *****s, but have a clitoral stimulator on them. There are vibrators and *****s that have a distinct curve at the end to reach the g-spot. These all come at different price ranges. Start on the lower end of things. Better not to spend 80 bucks on something you may find doesn't "do it" for you or your partner. Again, men can enjoy these toys. And again, Lube! Have fun! Those that are pros at the toy store: You already know your way around the toy store and most likely feel no modesty playing around with different toys! Good for you! Go wild! Try that studded **** ring that you've had your eye on! Splurge on that expensive but mind blowing vibrator bullet! When in doubt, ask someone that works at the store. Don't be afraid to ask silly questions. Believe me, they've heard it all and know how to help. I suggest going to a store that specializes more in toys than video rentals. "Aren't We Naughty" is an excellent store. Here's a rule of thumb to help you determine what store is a good "toy" store. If there's lingerie and costumes displayed in the window, it's a go! If the window is covered and there's a simple sign that say, "Adult Store," maybe not so much..... Role playing is sometimes hard to wrap your head around, but try and be creative! Talk to your partner and ask what they fantasize about and try to fulfill that, even if it's only partly fulfilled. Everyone has fantasies that can be easily acted out and everyone has fantasies that you should feel comfortable telling your partner, but are probably best staying a fantasy! It's good for your partner to know these none the less. There are hundreds and hundreds of websites that sell plus size lingerie and role play costumes. Get creative! As for "plus size" toys, they don't really have anything specifically made for plus size people. There aren't too many toys that can't be used by the over weight population. Except for maybe strap-ons. But if you use a little ingenuity, I bet some extenders can be created at home with some strips of fabric or soft rope. When one partner is obese, there can still be a level of direct sexual intercourse. But when both partners are obese, the best thing to keep the sex life glowing, is oral and hand stimulation. As well as toys. The best position for couples that are both plus size, is doggy style. You may also try reverse missionary with the woman on top. Don't worry about your bum being in your man's face. He likes it! Another good variation on the missionary position, is the woman on her back at the edge of the bed and the man standing. Pillows are a plus size persons best friend while having sex! Use them! It's just as bad not having sex than it is having uncomfortable sex. If there are strict physical limitations, it's not the end! There are so many erogenous points on the body that can all be stimulated easily with the tongue or fingers. And again, don't forget about those toys! The most important thing is to be sensitive to your partners needs and wants and physical situation. I can't stress enough, how important it is to talk to your partner. It's also very important to not be judgmental. There are many things that your partner wants to tell you, but it's only with an honest and open relationship that those things can be brought to light. This is a fantastic topic and I intend to explore it more. I can use all of your input into this subject. I'd love to hear more from those that are in a relationship with a plus size woman and regular sized man, a plus size man and regular size woman and relationships where both are plus size. E-mail me privately. Tell me about yourself and your sex life. There isn't much information out there because there isn't a whole lot of people that are ready to divulge their plus size sex lives. But rest assured, anything said will be kept confidential. I know what it's like, I've been there. Please write to me. Let's spread our knowledge and findings. Cheers! Lorraine Nguyen

Lorraine - I really love to read your posts and updates and I am in awe of your sense of self. That being said, and believe me, I'm not a prude, I just wonder if this post isn't a bit too graphic for this board? I can see it being over on the sex related topics boards but not necessarily on the SOTB forum where a wide variety of people read this. I came in to read it and thought it would be a quick comment or question that wasn't overly graphic. What you had to say is valuable for many folks, but referring to "**** rings" and other such topics I think just may need to be elsewhere. I am not shocked by anything you said, but I was surprised to see it here. I know some people just come in to read the most recent posts, and if they didn't expect to see it there, it might offend them. Please take this as I intend it - just a little constructive "my opinion only" and not intended to disparage you in any way. I admire you and your boldness, so it has nothing to do with you. It just has to do with this specific post and I'm thinking it should be on another board. Dina

It's funny you say that, because as soon as I posted it, I regreted it. It is a subject that effects a whole lot of people, so I hope that maybe someone got something from it. But it is a little more straight forward than some might like, so anyone that I have offended, I sincerely apologize. Cheers, Lorraine

Joke from Rodney Dangerfield: "I'm at the age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table." Rodney Dangerfield RIP Mirror on the ceiling, champagne on ice... no Hotel California, but sure sounds nice.

OK, Lorraine, are you hanging on the chandelier again? Seriously, your post was quite interesting. There's such a stigma about sex toys and incorporating them into one's sex life, and I've never understood why it's such a shocking subject. But then, I grew up in the 60s and 70s! I've always thought that open communication between couples is the most important aspect in having a rewarding physical relationship. The toys are sort of an added bonus. BTW, I don't think your post was offensive at all. I hope it encourages a lively discussion. Kix

YOU ARE AWESOME!!!! How are you doing??? Fantastic here!!! Smooches - Jeremy

Go LORRAINE! Informative & Important Topic and posted in the perfect place - a forum. Sex is an important part of a relationship and obese people certainly have a challenge in that dept, BUT NOT A LACK OF DESIRE. Great Ideas & Great Information. The beautiful thing about posting this in a forum, is that it is discrete, you can read it without anyone knowing you had, or if your offended - stop reading and hit the back button. Thanks for posting it - and most certainly post it again!