i lived 30 yrs of my life manic depressive without meds.  after my second child was born, i realized i couldnt risk staying off meds any longer.   sleep deprivation sets me off big time but of course the mania has a lovely insanity to it.  i was foolishly put on a ssri and because of my ignorance-i took it.  talk about mania!!  after that, i tried most of the usual drugs but just could not stand the "stupids" they made me feel.  sleep was the key to all of it for me.  and finding a really super psychopharm..  10 years ago-i settled on zoloft, wellbutrin and a very high dose of klonopin to make sure i sleep (if i go more than 2 nights without sleep-i see the doctor).

after my rny, i refused to change my meds after futzing with them for so long.  i still fight my demons but i cant bear to feel the med change.  as long as i can keep a grip=i'm sticking to the same program even though all my docs agree it is a uncommon combo (an my shrink aways wants me on abilify or lithium in addition).

if i ever reach a place of *strength*, perhaps i will meddle with my meds but for now-i am too scared of upsetting the applecart.

keep taking your b12 et al and keep a journal so you can track your moods etc.

good luck-stay brave!

ps-i get my labs sent to me immediately as well-i never wait for any doctor to inform me of anything.  if i didnt stay on top of my ****i'd be lost.

Happy Friday Eve..

Today I am grateful..

For my job..

For the people in my life that make me smile..

For my surgery..

For OH..

For being me.. Not that it is a great thing but I will still be here..

07/01 REFLECTION FOR THE DAY
Fear may have originally brought some of us to The Program.  In the beginning, fear alone may help some of us stay away from the first drink, pill, joint or whatever.  But a fearful state is hardly conducive to comfort and happiness -- not for long.  We have to find alternatives to fear to get us through those first empty hours, days, or even weeks.  For most of us, the answer has been to become active in and around The Program.  In no time, we feel that we truly belong; for the first tie in a long time, we begin to feel a "part of" rather than "apart from."  AM I WILLING TO TAKE THE INITIATIVE?

TODAY I PRAY
May God please help me find alternatives to fear -- tha****chdog of my earliest abstinence.  I thank Him for directing me to a place where I can meet others who have experienced the same compulsions and fears.  I am grateful for my feeling of belonging.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
I am "a part of," not "apart from."

thank you and yes i need to get a copy of them.. i called today and spoke with louis his nurse and she said my iron is fine (24) so one person says its low another says its fine and niether julie nor Dr. a will answer me yet... i see the therapist tommorrow morning and sheshould have a copy of the labs too so maybe she will have some thoughts... thank you

cassie

Happy Hump Day..

Today I am grateful..

For late night and early morning phone calls..

That the man in the mirror is not looking so bad these days..

That I still have TRUE friends that really care about how I am doing no matter how hard I pusehed them away..

For OH..

That I am able to do some things that I would have never done after having this surgery..