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My father was an alcoholic, and I never believed he chose to be one. He just was. He never went to AA, as far as I know. Though I know an AA oldtimer that used to be Dad's drinking buddy who did try to 12 step Dad, prior to Dad's death.
It sounds like you might benefit from Al-Anon. In AA, I learned that I am powerless over alcohol. Nobody chooses to be addicted to it. It happens.
Trish
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
07/29 REFLECTION FOR THE DAY
The feeling of self-pity, which we've all sufffered at one time or another, is one of the ugliest emotions we can experience. We don't even relish the thought of admitting to others that we're awash in self-pity. We hate being told that it shows; we quickly argue that we're feeling another emotion instead; we go so far as to "cleverly" hide from ourselves the fact that we're going through a siege of "poor-meism." By the same token, in a split-second we can easily find several dozen "valid" reasons for feeling sorry for ourselves. DO I SOMETIMES ENJOY RUBBING SALT INTO MY OWN WOUNDS?
TODAY I PRAY
May I recognize the emotions I am feeling for what they are. If I am unable to point them out to myself, may I count on others who know what it's like to be a feelings-stuffer. May I stay in touch with my feelings by staying in touch with my Higher Power and with the others in my group.
TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Stay in touch.
It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end. ~Ursula K. LeGuin
07/28 REFLECTION FOR THE DAY
We learn the value of meditation in The Program. As the beginning of the Eleventh Step suggests, we seek through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand Him. One of the great values of meditation is that it clears the mind. And as the mind becomes clearer, it becomes more capable and willing to acknowledge the truth. Less pain is required to force honest recognition of defects and their results. The real needs of the whole person are revealed. ARE PRAYER AND MEDITATION A REGULAR PART OF MY DAILY LIVING?
TODAY I PRAY
May God's truths be revealed to me through meditation and these small prayers, through conact with my group which keeps me mindful of my need to clear my mind with daily meditation. For only an uncluttered mind can receive God; only a mind cleansed of self-interest can acknowledge the truth.
TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Meditation is a mind-cleanser.
It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end. ~Ursula K. LeGuin
We are as addicted to that sensation whenever we choose to overeat, get drunk or take drugs. All of them give us pleasure and all of us are seeking it. People just don't understand that food is an addiction just like alcohol and drugs. I personally realized that I was stuffing myself because I never had the love of my parents. My mother abandoned me because she chose to be an alcoholic and my father chose to love his second wife more than me and I ended up living with friends and other relatives all of my life. My father died when I was 15 and my mother died when I was 20. I harbored anger and bitterness towards them all of my life and chose to 'fill that void' with food because it made me feel good like being loved feels good. When I realized that fact, it helped me deal with the whole overeating issue itself. When I chose to forgive my parents and love them despite their failures, the desire to overeat went away. Granted, the surgery happened before I did that and the weight came off but I've managed to overcome the 'food is my life' issue because I chose to forgive.
See, when you think about it, the people who have surgery are forced to first drink liquids the first week. Then they graduate to more solid liquids the second week. Then they graduate to soft foods after that and eventually get to regular food but in small increments from then on. If you stop and think about it, if a person would eat like that without surgery they would lose just as much weight as if they didn't have the surgery in the first place. People regain their weight because they never dealt with the issue of why they overate in the first place. They thought that the surgery would cure the whole fat issue and it doesn't. They learn how to graze all day or stretch their pouch back out and then wonder why they've regained most or all of their weight. A person's weight issue will never be solved with surgery. It can only be cured by finding out why you are overeating and deal with that first and then learn to LISTEN to your body and only eating WHAT and WHEN it wants to eat.
People think that 'mouth hunger' is real hunger but it isn't. Overweight people usually don't know what it's like to feel a hunger pain because they don't get to that point. Food is their life. They live to eat instead of eating to live. No one really realizes how little food the body needs for fuel each day. If you ask me if I would have had the surgery again, I would tell you no. Most WLSers aren't that way. I would have chosen to cure myself mentally first and then listened to my body and learned what it really wanted and when it wanted it instead of just throwing food down it when I saw a commercial or smelled food cooking. I don't know what decision is best for you but I do know that you must love yourself enough to cure the inside before you cure the outside, however you choose to do that is up to you.
07/27 REFLECTION FOR THE DAY
Over and over, I see that those who make the best and steadiest progress in The Program are those *****adily accept the help of a Higher Power. Once they can do that, it's easier for them to get out of their own way. Their problems then seem to resolve themselves in a way that is beyond human understanding. DO I REALIZE THAT THE EFFECTIVENESS WITH WHICH I USE THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF GOD IN MY DAILY LIFE DEPENDS NOT ON HIM, BUT ON ME?
TODAY I PRAY
May I know that my recovery and growth depends on my being in touch with my Higher Power, not just once in a while, but always. It means turning to that Power several times a day to ask for strength and knowledge of His will. When I understand that my own life is part of a Higher Plan, I will be less apt to trip and fall, head off in the wrong direction, or just to sit tight and let life pass me by.
TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
To be God-conscious.
It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end. ~Ursula K. LeGuin
I've actually improved since surgery. I don't feel as hopeless, down, depressed, I'm more comfortable thus making me less anxious. I get down sometimes but have noticed a huge improvement since surgery. I have my moments, but I'm not as manic or anxious as I was before. My meds stayed the same, a few got lowered in dosage and I tolerate them fine. It is important to have a therapist or support person you can confide in when things get stressful. It's really important to address any and all issues you have with food, emotional eating, stress eating...
If you keep these issues in check it helps better your outcome.
At first I was irritated that my eating had changed so much, but after a while I've adjusted and don't miss most of the crap I used to eat. I just had it in my mind that I was going to change my life and do whatever it took to be healthier no matter how much I didn't like it. The positive changes far outweigh any food that I may miss.
You can follow my journey at mandaschange.blogspot.com
07/23 REFLECTION FOR THE DAY
Today I'll try to settle for less than I wish were possible, and be willing to not only accept it but to appreciate it. Today, I'll not expect too much of anyone -- especially myself. I'll try to remember that contentment comes from gratefully accepting the good that comes to us, and not from being furious at life because it's not "better." DO I REALIZE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RESIGNATION AND REALISTIC ACCEPTANCE?
TODAY I PRAY
May I not set my sights unrealistically high, expect too much. May I look backwards long enough to see that my self-set, impossible goals were the trappings of my addiction; too often I ended up halfway there, confronted by my own failure. Those "foiled-again," "I've-failed-again" feelings became monumental excuses to give in to my compulsion, which blanketed my miseries. May I avoid that sick old pattern. May I be realistic.
TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Good is good enough.
It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end. ~Ursula K. LeGuin
07/22 REFLECTION FOR THE DAY
The Program has taught me that the essence of all growth for me is a willingness to change for the better. Following that, I must have further willingness to shoulder whatever responsibility this entails, and to courageously take every action that is required.
"I am and know and will;
I am knowing and willing;
I know myself to be and to will;
I will to be and to know."
-Saint Augustine
IS WILLINGNESS A KEY INGREDIENT OF MY LIFE AND THE WAY I WORK THE PROGRAM?
TODAY I PRAY
I pray for willingness to do what I can, willingness to be what I can be -- and what is sometimes hardest -- willingness to be what I am. I pray, too, for energies to carry out my willingness in all that I do, so that I may grow in the ways of God and practice the principles of The Program in all my affairs.
TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
"I am and know and will."
It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end. ~Ursula K. LeGuin
