Recent Posts
My mom was happy, telling me she had one regret in life, that having been diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer, she would not get to see her daughter at a "normal weight". It just hit me today, that it will be six years since my mother died, and I put off surgery mainly because I felt I had more important things to do - taking care of my mother and my daughter. I actually thought I would already have had my surgery by June or July this year, and I still do not have a surgery date before my 43rd birthday. It just hit me, and kind of hard.
My daughter is almost "all grown up," in college and away from home for more than a couple weeks for the first time. I am trying to smile and be patient, I know things take time, and remind myself "Next year will be different!"
I was born on my mothers' birthday, and sadly she died the day before our birthday, so September is always a hard month for me. Here, I thought I had finally gotten all the tears done with, but I am wiping my eyes and blubbering to a bunch of strangers. This is just how I work through things, I guess. Putting my feelings out there, so I can finally stop sucking them down. It has been a strange six years, but I think I am finally ready to do something just for me.
The reason I am writing this is to tell others to stop putting their lives on hold. It took me a lot longer to get over my grief, but I am moving forward to show I am doing all right, now. Living with regret is probably the worst thing anyone can do -- so learn from me, start living life for YOU!
I am making the second half of my life my new project! Not letting myself talk me out of things, and doing all the things I thought I would be doing as an adult! The very best thing you can do for those who love you - is to REALLY love who YOU are!
Brenda : )~
My meds have me under control for the most part. I keep trying to work which is just stupid, but I can't help it. I do get disability, but I'd like to earn some of it myself, too. Jobs are hard, though. No matter how simple it may seem, I can always find some way to stress in it. That's neither here nor there... anyway, you are probably wondering if it is worth it.
I am glad I had the surgery, even though I am still struggling. If I hadn't, I'd be 60 pounds heavier and probably more, more stressed out than ever, and as unhealthy as they get. For me, for a while I missed the food... but, it has come full circle and I don't really miss it anymore... my problem is making the right choices, getting my butt up to exercise, and stopping when I have had enough. Self-discipline and impulse-control are not two terms that go together with bipolar very well... I used to have so much energy!!! Everything now takes a concentrated effort, I just need to choose to do it.
In other words... Bipolar makes it HARD!!! Harder than I think for the average person... but, it does not make it impossible. I haven't given up yet!!! And yes, it takes a while to get the meds down... but, you get there!!!
Best wishes,
You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.
~ Amy Carmichael ~
It needs to build up like a lot of drugs... the rest is person by person I guess.
You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.
~ Amy Carmichael ~
I haven't been on here in what must be more than a year now. I am still not drinking, but I've joined Debtors Anonymous for my spending addiction and I'm eating all the wrong things again. I need to book an appt with my shrink to stop the figurative bleeding and get my act together. The sooner the better. This place used to be a lifeline for me. I'm gaining weight back, and need to not obsess about it...just retrain my thinking again, clean my kitchen cabinets and find a better substitute for food, booze, spending money I don't have and the next big addiction. Like learning more about WHY I make the choices I do and understanding what I'm trying to replace with food. It's not taht I'm missing love, as I have that unconditionally from my husband...I just need to learn to accept and love ME iwth all my faults, and thoughts...good AND bad.
Hugs and thanks for listening...
Marie
I haven't posted here before, that I know of. I have been dealing with depression, anxiety and panic attacks throughout my life. It's wierd because it just tends to flare up every so often. I was actually off meds for a while and was feeling great. However, in the last month I have had to go back on them. I became obese because I would turn to food for comfort from various types of abuse I endured starting when I was a child. Food was my coping mechanism for years and years. I never really understood the reality of my food addiction until very recently, since I have been post-op. It's so strange that I feel so happy right now with where I am in life, (starting school, separated from my abusive husband, and finally learning to love myself and enjoy activities) and WHAMMO I am smacked in the face with depression and anxiety again. I believe that much of what I am feeling is due to financial constraints. Eventhough my husband pays for my child's daycare I still support her with her clothing, food and every day needs. I have decided to get into counseling again and I am a little stressed about paying for that. I have been second-guessing myself so much lately. I have no idea if that is part of the anxiety or not. If you have experience with anxiety I would love to hear some advice or your thoughts on it.
Thanks and hope to hear from you soon,
Susan
08/12 REFLECTION FOR THE DAY
"Quiet minds can not be perplexed or frightened," wrote Robert Louis Stevenson, "but go on in fortune or misfortune at their own private pace, like a clock during a thunderstorm."
In The Program, we hear many warnings against harboring resentments, and rare is the person who doesn't occasionally yield to resentment when he feels wronged. We must remember that we have no room for resentment in our new way of life. Rather than exhausting myself by fighting resentment with grim determination, I can reason it out of existence by uncovering its cause with a quiet mind. WILL I TRY TO BELIEVE THAT THE BEST ANTIDOTE FOR RESENTMENT IS THE CONTINUAL EXPRESSION OF GRATITUDE?
TODAY I PRAY
Praise God from whom all blessings flor. Praise God for our human sensitivity which, although it can feel the smallest, pin-***** hurts, can also feel the warmth of a smile, Praise God for our human insight which can peel the wraps from our resentments and expose them for what they are.
TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
I am grateful for feelings.
It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end. ~Ursula K. LeGuin
08/10 REFLECTION FOR THE DAY
We've been our own worst enemies most of our lives, and we've often injured ourselves seriously as a result of a "justified" resentment over a slight wrong. Doubtless there are many causes for resentment in the world, all of them providing "justification." But we can never begin to settle all the world's grievances or even arrange things so as to please everybody. If we've been treated unjustly by others or simply by life itself, we can avoid compounding the difficulty by completely forgiving the persons involved and abandoning the destructive habit of reviewing our hurts and humiliations. CAN I BELIEVE THAT YESTERDAY'S HURTS IS TODAY'S UNDERSTANDING, REWOVEN INTO TOMORROW'S LOVE?
TODAY I PRAY
Whether I am unjustly treated or just think I am, may I try not to be a resentful person, stewing over past injuries. Once I have identified the root emotion behind my resentment, may I be big enough to forgive the person involved and wise enough to forget the whole thing.
TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Not all injustice can be fixed.
It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end. ~Ursula K. LeGuin
