Hi Seattle-Maui,

I just read your post and wanted to respond.  I'm sorry your Mom died a few years ago, especially just before your B-days.  I can imagine this time of year being especially difficult for you.  Strange thing about grief:  I think it comes on stronger as we discover more about ourselves than at other times, even years later.  Sometimes it takes a while for things to "hit", maybe because now you are less busy taking care of others (daughter off to college?). 

I too turned 43 this year and decided that I was really ready to have WLS.  I had realized my obesity was really taking a toll on me and I had looked into WLS 3 yrs ago, even gotten through to pre-op, but obstacles just seemed to crop out of nowhere to prevent it.  After several months of waiting and postponements (Dr's, not mine), I decided it was not the right time.  I felt very disappointed and depressed.  Looking back, I really can't say if it would have been better for me to have done it then or not.  Like you, I do now believe that I need to do what's right/healthy for me, but I also know that there are times when others need me more than at other times, and that sometimes self-sacrifice is necessary (my youngest was 3 at the time and money was also tighter, a pblm for self-pay).

I'm sorry you regret not doing this 6 yrs ago, for yourself and for your mom and daughter.  Perhaps it would have been good, perhaps not.  Now that I did do it, I must say that it does take up a lot of emotional energy to try to get a handle on eating, with lots of ups & downs after the surgery.  At times, I get very "snappy" and irritable, so I'm glad my son and daughter are more independent and I have more time to myself to deal with stress, not to mention exercise and "head shrinking".  Financially, we are in a better position, so the cost of the procedure was also less stressful for us as a family.

Anyway, I guess I'm simply saying that there may be good reasons for you to be doing this now rather than 6 years ago, and please don't be harder on yourself because you feel you let yourself/mom/daughter down earlier.  You are here now, and by the sound of it, in a very good place to make all these positive changes for yourself.  It is the right time for your journey of self-discovery and new personal achievements.

I hope you get your WLS soon and are able to find/fulfill all your dreams!

.. been awhile..

08/31 REFLECTION FOR THE DAY
From time to time, I begin to think I know what God's will is for other people.  I say to myself, "This person ought to be cured of his terminal illness," or "That one ought to be freed from the torment she's going through," and I begin to pray for those specific things.  My heart is in the right place when I pray in such fashion, but those prayers are based on the supposition that I know God's will for the person for whom I pray.  The Program teaches me, instead, that I ought to pray that God's will -- whatever it is -- be done for others as well as for myself.  WILL I REMEMBER THAT GOD IS READY TO BEFRIEND ME, BUT ONLY TO THE DEGREE THAT I TRUST HIM?

TODAY I PRAY
I praise God for the chance to help others.  I thank God also for making me want to help others, for taking me out of my tower of self so that I can meet and share with and care about people.  Teach me to pray that "The Will be done" in the spirit of love, which God inspires in me.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
I will put my trust in the will of God.