I suggest going back to marriage counseling and making it a real priority.  I'm in counseling, have been for a number of years, and I do through the holiday season.  Yeah, it's a busy time.  But we still do what we believe is most important, right?

I also suggest you get some individual counseling.  You're having trouble finding ways to deal with feelings, including anger.  Which is not at all unusual once we can't deal with them by overeating.  But you gotta find new ways to deal with your feelings, and that's your work, not the work of you and your wife as a couple.  Know what I mean?

Kelly

Hey all,

I am having a rough week and thought I'd turn here to seek advice and encouragement.

I am nearing 3 months since my surgery and have lost a good bit of weight and feel very different than I did before. 

My relationship with my wife has been shakey for years, and still is.  We have seen a counselor a few times over the last couple months, but the Holidays got in the way and we haven't been back for a while. 

I cannot talk to her constructively without a third party moderator present.  We fight a lot and I'm getting sick with the repressed feelings I have to deal with in not being able to address my anger with her.  I used to deal with that anger by going to lunch by myself and stuffing my face with a giant plate of chicken fajita nachos...now, I can't/don't do that. 

Two MAJOR issues in our marriage:

There is a lack of respect from both sides of our relationship.  I do all kinds of stuff around the house to help out, and work two jobs, and feel completely unappreciated.  She does a lot too, and feels unappreciated as well. 

I hate our lack of sex life.  When I was over 300 pounds she told me (out of hate and anger) that I was 'too fat to **** '  Well, she said that she didn't mean that and apologized for it.  But, of course, I have never let that comment go.  Now that I'm "skinny" (her words) she still won't f*ck me, and rejects me a lot.  It sucks getting rejected.  It sucks being so frustrated sexually that everything else around me is an anger trigger.  Each night we go to bed and there's AGAIN no sex, I get more and more angry.  Then, her throwing laundry in the middle of the floor, instead in the hamper, ****** me off and I stew on that anger.  She told me the other day, after I told her I went to bed late because I had to have sex with myself again, that the 'average' married couple only has sex once a month...well...half of the 'average' couples get divorced!!!  How the hell is that a legitimate excuse.  We don't do it anywhere near once a month, by the way.  If one person needs it more than once a week, then how is aiming for once a month going to be satisfactory at all???

I don't know what I expect from this group, as I haven't read a lot of the posts here, but perhaps there's someone who can offer a little advice and ease my MENTAL HEALTH.

Chad

REFLECTION FOR THE DAY

I can attain real dignity, importance and individuality only by a dependence  on a Power which is great and good, beyond anything I can imagine or understand.  I will try my utmost to use this Power in making all my decisions.  Even though my human mind cannot forecast what the outcome will be, I will try to be confident that whatever comes will be for my ultimate good.  JUST FOR TODAY, WILL I TRY TO LIVE THIS DAY ONLY, AND NOT TACKLE MY WHOLE LIFE PROBLEM AT ONCE?

 

 

 

TODAY I PRAY

 

May I make no decision, engineer no change in the course of my lifestream, without calling upon my Higher Power.  May I have faith that God's plan for me is better than any scheme I could devise for myself.

 

 

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER

 

God is the architect.  I am the builder.

 

 

 

 

 

anyone have try wellbutrin or the generic bupropion? The doctor wrote for the wellbutrin SR 150 mg but recall online that RNY patients should not take any meds are XR or SR am I am right. And many times insurance companies don't want to pay for the longer acting because it is more costly as well.

  so I ask to see the dr again to question him about it and he change it to the regular wellbutrin 100 mg twice a day. Walgreens gave me the generic buprupion 100 mg bid. They said side effect could make me tired. Dr told me it helps with weight loss or keeping it off because it does not increase your appetite. I told him I didn't want one that would make me gain weight I use to be on years ago zoloft and prozac omg big weight gainers. He also refill my phentermine. But that will probably be my last month of it because once I am under 150 I am back in the normal range and he can't prescribe once in normal range. So hoping the wellbutrin will help control my eating and start making me feel better about myself. So I stop stressing over gaining weight back. I been so withdrawn lately. Even have no interest in exercise or just don't have any energy to do it. Either I can't sleep or all I want to do is sleep. This is not like me. So hoping that others can share there experience. I was suprise he want to put me on the SR without first trying the regular first. weird

I had reach goal back in August of 135 then when I gain weight back I was put on phentermine which I was able to lose but just couldn't get back to the 135 no matter how much I exercise. but he told me once I was under 25 bmi he wasn't able to write a prescription. so the next month I would gain weight back and was back on it again. And that is the route I been going thru. I want something that is going to stablize my mood, and to control my eating. I will be 18 months out on this Friday. I am also on limitations since christmas due to laser and sclerotherapy ended up with 2 blood clots and skin damage. I am wearing a unno boot. I still have more procedures to do yet but cant right now I have to heal I was given permission to start slowly with exercise but now I dont' have the urge to do so. I am so tired all the time. Either i can't sleep or all I want to do is sleep. I am so frustrated. So I am hoping the generic wellbutrin will help with my mood and help me lose the rest of the weight and then stay in maintance

How long does the malaborpation last? I am 18 months out do I still need to be concern about medications like the extended release sr or xl? should I play it on the safe side and stay with the regular form twice a day. I am glad I got it change before I got to walgreens and had it filled.

But did some searching on here and seeing that others are taking the SR so not sure if I am doing the right thing or not. i want to be able to lose the rest of the weight and keep it off and be happy again. so abit confused on if the regular or sr works better to keeping the weight off. He first wrote for 150 mg for the sr but then at my request change to 100 mg twice a day because I was seeing online that we can't absorb the xr, xl or sr so gets so confusing

I put this on the main board and rny board but no replies so saw there was a mental health one and figure I would give it a try. so hopefully someone can help me understand how all this works. I hope I did the right thing by getting the regular bupropian instead of the sr. since he was only going to start the sr just in the am not sure why once a day when it can be done twice a day.

I am not on Wellbutrin, nor did I have VSG.  My advice would be to discuss your med questions with your surgeon, and get the information directly from him/her.  I had RNY, and I take quite a few meds, which I assume dissolve in my pouch before passing through. 

Good luck.

Trish