Wow i know what your talking about.  i feel like i am losing my mind too.  i had everything under control until 1 year ago.  i have a good paying job and no money.  i am so far in debt i just have no idea which way to turn.  i guess i just need to get my head out of my ass and just work on this.  i know it is going to be tough but i just have to do it.  i hope things get better for you.

Nikki

There was a time, prior to AA and prior to therapy, that I always felt out of control, free-falling on a downward spiral.  I had not felt that way in a very long time, till this week.  I have a ton of anxiety, and a ton of out of control emotions.  I am not acting out, and have a little sobriety, and even had a therapy session this week, but I still feel out of control. 

I know one thing that is happening is that I must part with my cats today.  I know I must do this for health reasons, as well as family reasons.  I have been sick with a terrible sinus infection, and I already know I am allergic.  I have been on antibiotics most of the fall and winter. 

Just putting it out there, because I have to get it out.

Trish

Are there any women's AA groups in your area? That is another suggestion.
(I went to a women's group ONE time - unfortunately - I chose a group in a near by very affluent small town and I felt like the country-bumpkin....I could not for the life of me imagine these women having dealt w/ the things I had.)
That said - i do know there are some very good all women's groups that are often effective in helping deal w/ some of the childhood issues female alcoholics and drug addicts tend to have.
Also - I presume you have read "Healing the Child Within"? Fantastic book - helped me a lot over time.

Happy New Years..

Today I am grateful..

That I am hit 14 years of being alcohol-free yesterday..

That I spent New Years Eve with TMB members..

That Debra flew up to be with me on NYE.. I love you..

For Nina and her friend helping a brother out..

For things that make me smile..

SONG OF THE WEEK

HOME BY BLAKE SHELTON..

Another summer day has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I want to go home
May be surrounded by a million people I,
Still feel all alone
I want to go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
And I've been keeping all the letters that I
wrote to you
Each one a line or two
I'm fine baby, how are you
I would send 'em but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat and you deserve more than that
Another airplane, another sunny place
I'm lucky I know, but I wanna go home
I've got to home
Let me go home
I'm just to far from where you are, I want to come home
And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside when everything was going right
And I know just why you could not come along with me
This was not your dream
But you always believed in me
Another winter day has come and gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home,
Let me go home
And I'm surrounded by a million people
I, Still feel alone and I want to go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
Let me go home
I've had my run,
Baby I'm done
I'm coming back home
Let me go home
It'll all be alright,
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home

MOVIE QUOTE OF THE WEEK..

"Ramon, you look fantistico.. I thought you were still in Tijuana.  RODNEY DANGERFIELD in BACK TO SCHOOL

I started working with this therapist before I entered AA.  I have never heard of recovery programs advising a particular gender for a therapist regardless of the abandonment issues.  There was a time when I could not work with this therapist, and worked a year with women therapists and it did not work out.  At that time in my recovery, I hated all women, and did not trust them.  Plus, I have some abuse issues that have twisted my thinking where men are concerned, so working with this therapist has been helping me deal with that, and my Daddy issues.  Very complicated to explain. 

From my perspective, the relationship my therapist and I have is intense.  Not sure what he thinks, other than he probably needs a stiff drink after a session with me.  Good thing he is not an alcoholic...just a joke. 

I just know I must work through this abandonment stuff, and heal it.  I had been doing some really good work, during the summer, when I was not drinking.  Since I relapsed again in October, it has been on a downward spiral for me.

Thanks for caring.  I need all the support I need.

Hugs,
Trish