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Recent Posts

Clara B.
on 1/21/09 4:22 am - Washington, DC
VSG on 11/25/08 with
Topic: Social Anxiety and WLS
I'm looking at how my WLS has intensified my feelings of social anxiety. I've always been shy. I break our of it at points, and some people think I'm really extroverted. But thoughts like "I'm so  different from other people." and "You have to be beautiful to be liked" "You have to be perfectly healthy for anyone to want to be with you" still plague me, and I think I second guess what people might be thinking more and more now that my body is changing. Of course, this was expected, but dealing with it is a challenge. I called a cognitive behavioral therapist this morning and he has a group starting soon, which could be very helpful. I don't even know why I care what other people think of me, but there it is: I do care. 

I've never gotten much attention from the opposite sex, and while I make a huge effort now to put myself out there, I still have huge doubts, and they're constantly reinforced by what people say. When I first started dating my ex-boyfriend, I told him I rarely got much attention from guys, but he said he was certain the interest was there, but that they just wouldn't tell me. That really surprised me, but, duh, how many people have I had crushes on but would be mortified if they ever found out? I was eating dinner with some people the other night and when this cute girl at our table went to the bathroom, one of my male friends said to the other, "why don't you ask her out, you idiot?" and my other friend said he already had, she didn't want to see him other than socially. There's that part of me that wishes someone would say that about me sometime, but I have this idea that they would never, ever say that about someone who's my size, or at least the size I was a few months ago. Is this belief true; if it is, does it even matter? If it isn't, why do I let it affect how I feel?

I got together with my ex-boyfriend when I was svelt, but I know he'd seen me larger before, so I made the assumption that he was okay with women who weren't perfectly thin. When he started calling me a "beached whale" repeatedly and was ever-so-unhelpful when it came to the choices I made in treating my my eating disorder, I should have gotten the clue that that assumption was dead wrong. But it took a while to leave the security of that relationship (almost 4 years ago, and I've done lots of emotional work since then), and I do feel like I was very scarred by those hateful words and lack of compassion. And I've had so many men tell me, directly and indirectly, that they would be more attracted to me if only I was smaller (yes, more than 5 men have done this). And I know many people who honestly believe that it's immoral to be fat. I always tell myself it doesn't matter what other people think, I'm wonderful anyway, but when other people say the opposite and I feel invisible, it reinforces this big fear I have of loneliness. It's really hard to convince myself that not everyone thinks the same way, to convince myself that it doesn't matter what they think, yada yada...And it's weird because I consider myself healthy emotionally, would like a relationship but don't have to have one, am very involved in self-enriching activities. I feel like on the surface, in public, I act all strong in front of people, especially men, like I don't care about relationships, or lack thereof, and sometimes I really don't, but then I have this deep pain that wells up in me often that is so hard to shake. How do I shake it and just be content being ME? Is it confronting those negative feelings every time they come up? Is it making the commitment to introduce myself to one new person every week just for practice and strike up a conversation?
ilovescottiedogs
on 1/20/09 11:15 pm - Madison, AL
Topic: RE: Just found this forum
Well, thankfully I am in therapy right now and trying to work through all of this.  I am also starting a 12 step program at church, so I will have support IF I decide to do the WLS.

Kitty Kat
on 1/20/09 10:21 pm - Richmond, VA
Topic: RE: Grateful Post..
I am thankful for the Lord and His many blessings in my life.

I am thankful to be sober.

I am thankful for my 2 beautiful buggas Kayla & Nora *****mind me every minute of the day that life is ever changing and amazing.

I am thankful for the sunshine, warmth & nature.

I am thankful for taking things into my own hands and getting the answers I need.



Kitty Kat - Lap RNY 29th Jan 03
Blessed Momma to Kayla & Nora
Sober since 25th Aug 07 
www.the-butterfly-chronicles.blogspot.com
Thankful for the easy, grateful for the hard & hopeful for tomorrow.



Kitty Kat
on 1/20/09 10:19 pm - Richmond, VA
Topic: RE: I think this is the forum for me lol!
Good am Tammy,

Quitting ANY addiction isn't easy but its very much worth it. Its going to take some work. Sometimes until something dramatic happens to ourselves we don't see what everyone else does. Anxiety is real and needs to be dealt with as well. Its time to shed your negative identity for a newer, fresher perspective on life. You're worth it right? So, why not seek the help that you need and ditch the cigs and begin to manage your life in a healither more manageable way. There are tons of supportive & encouraging folks here. Let us know what we can do to support you.

All best!

Kitty Kat - Lap RNY 29th Jan 03
Blessed Momma to Kayla & Nora
Sober since 25th Aug 07 
www.the-butterfly-chronicles.blogspot.com
Thankful for the easy, grateful for the hard & hopeful for tomorrow.



Kitty Kat
on 1/20/09 10:15 pm - Richmond, VA
Topic: RE: Just found this forum
Good am,

Its incredibly important to be honest about all of this and seek help before your WLS and continue it through the WLS journey if that is what you choose. Addictions CAN and WILL carry over into the WLS lifestyle as well. The first step is admitting your addictions. Kudos to you for that. Take the steps you need to NOW to ensure a more successful journey. All best!

Kitty Kat - Lap RNY 29th Jan 03
Blessed Momma to Kayla & Nora
Sober since 25th Aug 07 
www.the-butterfly-chronicles.blogspot.com
Thankful for the easy, grateful for the hard & hopeful for tomorrow.



Kitty Kat
on 1/20/09 10:13 pm - Richmond, VA
Topic: RE: Manner of speech question
Good am Lauren,

Two things immediately spring to mind as I've dealt with them much of my life. ADD/ADHD & Executive Functioning. There is a wealth of information available via the internet and materials via the library/bookstore. These are very real and there are aids to help in working on them. Hope this helps some.

Kitty Kat - Lap RNY 29th Jan 03
Blessed Momma to Kayla & Nora
Sober since 25th Aug 07 
www.the-butterfly-chronicles.blogspot.com
Thankful for the easy, grateful for the hard & hopeful for tomorrow.



Kitty Kat
on 1/20/09 10:02 pm - Richmond, VA
Topic: RE: Slippery slope!
Good am Kristi,

First, congrats on being sober since 5th April. :) Next, know that you are NOT alone. As has been suggested by replies previous to mine seek help NOW. There is help even when you don't have insurance. Contact your local mental health agency & arm yourself with knowledge/information. I know about the "suck it up" deal from others. I hear you loud and clear and I'm almost 18 months sober and I STILL think about drinking.

You are reaching out for help here. Please reach out locally & keep us posted. PM me if you'd like to talk.

Kitty Kat - Lap RNY 29th Jan 03
Blessed Momma to Kayla & Nora
Sober since 25th Aug 07 
www.the-butterfly-chronicles.blogspot.com
Thankful for the easy, grateful for the hard & hopeful for tomorrow.



Kitty Kat
on 1/20/09 9:57 pm - Richmond, VA
Topic: RE: Healthy cross addititions
Good am Pat,

This is a good post. For me, I've turned my addiction into something I've always done but finally have the extra push and that is writing & support. I'm writing my story and have become addicted to helping others who have struggled with addiction transfer after WLS. I want others to know they are not alone. I also pursue activities such as gardening, getting out in nature, walking & get togethers with friends on a consistent basis.

Addiction in my opinion is a life long struggle but we CAN get through it. Wishing you the best!

Kitty Kat - Lap RNY 29th Jan 03
Blessed Momma to Kayla & Nora
Sober since 25th Aug 07 
www.the-butterfly-chronicles.blogspot.com
Thankful for the easy, grateful for the hard & hopeful for tomorrow.



Kitty Kat
on 1/20/09 9:53 pm - Richmond, VA
Topic: RE: How do you know when drinking is a problem?
Hi AmandaJo,

Transfer of addiction happens a lot easier than many folks think. A lot of times we get there before we realize it. For me, I never dran****il I was 28. It started with sips, then 1/2 a drink, a whole drink to the point it got way out of control in just 4 months or so. What seemed to be casual drinks at the time almost cost me my life. Its incredibly tough to battle addiction. But it can be done. We all falter but you are not alone.

I've been sober going on 18 months & its not been easy by any stretch of the imagination. I encourage you to seek counseling, attend AA if that is something you can commit to, seek help & support from fam & friends and remember that you have to learn to crawl before you can walk. You can read my story & many others by clicking the link in my signature line.

In addition, I've picked up 3 books (with more I'd like to get) that are helping me work through sobriety issues. Personally, I have attended AA meetings but they are NOT my cup of tea. The first 2 books are a book & workbook combination. They are called "A Woman's Way through the Twelve Steps." At first, I felt like isn't this going backwards doing these steps NOW?" But that couldn't be further from the truth. I LOVE these because they are writting in a women's point of view. The 3rd is "The Twelve Steps of Alcoholic's Anonymous" which is the original 12 Step book.

Another one that has truly helped which I am reading AGAIN is called "Boundaries." Its faith based and may not be for everyone but can be applied no matter what your religious background. It helps us draw our lines in the sand and make changes in our daily lives slowly but surely to regain control.

All best!

Kitty Kat - Lap RNY 29th Jan 03
Blessed Momma to Kayla & Nora
Sober since 25th Aug 07 
www.the-butterfly-chronicles.blogspot.com
Thankful for the easy, grateful for the hard & hopeful for tomorrow.



Da Shrinking Dawg
Ramon

on 1/20/09 9:10 pm - Houston, TX
Topic: Grateful Post..
Happy Hump Day..

Today I am grateful..

That I get to play dress up for work because I clean up nice..

For Daisy.. I have found another woman that loves me unconditionally..

For the morning sun..

For the air that I breathe..

That I will be attending the Texas Weightloss Summitt and I hope to inspire someone..
Ramon Lopez 
Co-Founder
 http://www.rydobesity.com 
Interview on www.weightlosssurgerychannel.com Please check it out.. http://www.weightlosssurgerychannel.com/programs/wls-journeys/wls-journeys-guest-ramon-lopez.html/
Video, about me, made by my best friend Yvonne.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gCxNTyRUo0
PEACE 
464/409/200
Thanks Obesityhelp.com
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