If you read this bless your heart... I warn you now that it is going to be a long post... get out while you still can. heh   Lately I have been mourning food. Weird I know but I never realized how much food comforted me until I hit a few bumps in the road and really needed comfort... I wished I could eat to make myself eat to feel better and that is when I realized that I was a binge eater. That I used food to numb out the same way that an alcoholic uses beer to solve his problems. I can't eat anymore and I want to binge. I want to eat and I really cant... ugh - this is pathetic that I miss food. But it's almost like I lost a friend or something...   I am so overwhelmed in life right now. I work 25 hours a week in a pert time job that doesn’t even come close to paying my bills. I go to school and am enrolled in 15 credit hours. I should have graduated LAST year but I have changed my major 8 times! Yea only 8 lol. So I still have 2 years... and then I will be an elementary school teacher. I honestly cannot wait to be a teacher. I love kids and I think that I may have found the major that will stick... but you never know. I thought that about my last major too.    Aside from school and work I want so badly to have a life. I am only 23 so I should be having fun and partying and goin to bars and clubs and what not but I have an issue with those places. I hate crowds... I hate parties and being around large groups of people just stresses me out. I don’t drink cos of the surgery and the crippling fear that I will become an alcoholic. So bars and clubs are generally not fun for me. another thing that makes parties, bars, and clubs awkward and bad for me is I hate being touched... I don’t like it when I am close and touching other people... it goes along with bein overweight... I just don’t want people to touch me and be grossed out and I feel like I take up too much space and when I maneuver through a crowd I can’t help but think that the people that I am sayin excuse me to are thinking here comes fatty or some other negative comment. IDK it makes social settings weird for me. when I do hang out and what not it basically is me hanging out with the same group of friends from my school or my sister and her group of 35+ friends that play poker... I feel that I live an uuber lame life. I feel like I am missing out on my life at a single twenty something girl... but at the same time I am lost and confused and I have no idea what to do about it.    Then there is the guy issues... I want to date I want to fall in love and I thought that after losing 50lbs I was ready so in November I began dating. I met David on match.com and there was this instant connection. He and I dated the entire month of November and I truly fell for him. I really felt this amazing connection to David the way I never have with anyone. But David is bipolar and we have been off and on for the last 6 months. In between I have dated a few other guys and had no real connections the way that I connected with David. But David will not be easy to be with forever and yet I choose him... the only problem is that I don’t know if he chooses me. I think it all boils down to trust and IDK if I trust that he isn’t goin anywhere again. I want to but I just can’t seem to trust it the way I want to. IDK if he is in it for me or in it for sex or what... I just wish I was a mind reader.   Also, I really don’t know what to do with all the new attention that I am getting from guys... I mean really I don’t know how to handle compliments - they make me feel awkward and idk it’s weird. Although I have lost 136 lbs I feel like I look the exact same and I don’t have any confidence. NONE. pathetic I know but I don’t have any self worth and that has led to some bad choices. Like sex... I caved and had sex w. David... he made me feel wanted and although I wanted to wait til I was married I had sex w. David. When we are together I don’t regret that decision... when we are broken up I totally regret that I did. I feel that I have lost part of my identity as a Christian as someone living chastity and I feel bad for it.   I know that this is a lot of rambling but I just needed to get it all out there.  I am thinking of goin to counseling for the food addiction and body image issues... I think it may help me to vent... but IDK who to go to or if I would even be covered for counseling... UGH I am just feelin very FML at the moment.    

 Do you mean sick as in dumping or hangover sick? Wine was my drink of choice. I never made me dump or anything like that. But I definitely got hangovers.

You need to be honest with your doctor and yourself.  I'm sure they will be happy to help you. I know how hard it is to quit - you can't do it alone.

Not to start a "which wls is best" thing because I decided on the ds simply because my surgeon talked to me about all 3 and for the amount of weight I needed to lose the ds was my best option for surgery.  That being said, I am glad now that I decided to agree with my surgeons recommendation because I can take time released medications.

I still do not notice a difference when taking the medicatin but I have not been on it long.  I see the doctor tomorrow and I would imagine he will adjust the dosage.  He told me it can take a while to find the right dose.

-Jaime

Hello All,
I had my VSG in November. I am slimming down and all but, I keep thinkikng about my weight/body/what I eat. Especially this week. Did I make the right decision? What if this doesn't work etc etc. I also lost my mom in January. I have been taking antidepressants for years and seeing counselors for years. I am sad over the loss of my mom, but this anxiety over my weight is more troublesome. I stay busy with work and I am going studying to get my teaching certificate at night. I have been praying that God will set me free from this thinking and I can move on. Shortly after my surgery, I felt very confident about what I did and it seemed to be easy to stick with the eating etc. Please pray for me and my family. Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
thank u! Sally J.

i've been on and off aderall for about 10 years--after a year or so on ritalin (another add med.) ironically, even though i have had a severe case of ADD (which is basically ADHD minus being too hyper) ever since i was born, it was never dieagnosed until i was 23 y.o. and in my last year of law school. when i was put on add meds, the difference was dramatic..for example i went from a 3.2 to a 3.9 GPA in one semester just because i was able to focus.

having said that, i know first hand how addictive addrall can be for some me (like me, for example.) it helps me focus, i am able to function better and be more organized, it has (for me) rather positive side effects--it supresses my appetite, and since i used to have a huge weight problem, reduced appetite is a big bonus and helps me fit into my size 2 jeans. also, i'm prone to depression and, while traditional anti-depressants don't seem to work, adderall does the trick.

so, in a sense it's a wonder drug. in my case, because i'm a "fast metabolizer" and my add is pretty bad, i'm on 60mg/day (regular release--i try to avoid XR meds because, post RNY, they may not be as effective--my dr.advice don't want to bore you guys with details). i'm on 60 mg a day but i honestly wish i had more of it. i've been known to take an extra pill or two if i had a big project at work ot needed an extra pick me up--no one ver knew. the problem with that is that if you do that frequently, you run out before you can get a re-fill and end up having to go without it for a week or more and feeling particularly tired and sluggish. so i try to be very careful about "budgeting" my adderall and not going over the prescribed dose. doesn't always happen but i'm working on it. for me, the benefits currently outweigh the negative factors. i took a year-long break from adderall recently and only went back on it about 3 months ago. i have to admit it helps me a lot but also it is very addictive.