Recent Posts
Topic: RE: how to overcome depression?
hi kathy,
thanks for writing back so quickly considering you were on the verge of losing your internet connection.
i hope it didn't affect it?
last night i did some drumming and uploaded it onto youtube.
it's good fun drumming along to music.
i did some drum covers of cliff richard singing "all my love" it was a hit way back in 1967.
the playback was ok...normally i reserve them for my eyes only if it plays back lousy, but it was good enough to show to the world so its out there awaiting the public opinion!!!!!
lol.
you may have a point about changing my medication...in the past, i have tried various types of medication...from valium(they made me feel like i was going crazy!) to these little blue pills that i overdosed on and collapsed and had to ask a stranger to call a ambulance for me.
it took a few days to get it out of my system.
whats xanax?
i'll ask my gp when i next see her.
i do have ups and downs...like one day i'll feel really up and the next day i feel really low.
i cant seem to stay up for long...and i'm so used to my comfort zone(home) i only leave it to buy my daily essentials etc..otherwise i stay in all day.
i thought about what you wrote about not letting what other people chose to do to themselves affect me.
its their choice and your right, i'm now trying to take care of myself.
tapes of the oceans and rain sounds interesting...ive never tried them.
i'm sure they must be available online somewhere?
i used to enjoy taking my ex partner's pet dog mitzi(named after the actress mitzi gaynor ; )
for a walk in the park and i do like dogs or animals in general.
if i had more space where i live i would buy a dog.
i don't have any kids...and with me being unmarried i'm not in the position for that responsibility...maybe one day?
if i find a woman that will want me despite my problems.
enjoy yr day kath!
bye 4 now
Trevor
thanks for writing back so quickly considering you were on the verge of losing your internet connection.
i hope it didn't affect it?
last night i did some drumming and uploaded it onto youtube.
it's good fun drumming along to music.
i did some drum covers of cliff richard singing "all my love" it was a hit way back in 1967.
the playback was ok...normally i reserve them for my eyes only if it plays back lousy, but it was good enough to show to the world so its out there awaiting the public opinion!!!!!
lol.
you may have a point about changing my medication...in the past, i have tried various types of medication...from valium(they made me feel like i was going crazy!) to these little blue pills that i overdosed on and collapsed and had to ask a stranger to call a ambulance for me.
it took a few days to get it out of my system.
whats xanax?
i'll ask my gp when i next see her.
i do have ups and downs...like one day i'll feel really up and the next day i feel really low.
i cant seem to stay up for long...and i'm so used to my comfort zone(home) i only leave it to buy my daily essentials etc..otherwise i stay in all day.
i thought about what you wrote about not letting what other people chose to do to themselves affect me.
its their choice and your right, i'm now trying to take care of myself.
tapes of the oceans and rain sounds interesting...ive never tried them.
i'm sure they must be available online somewhere?
i used to enjoy taking my ex partner's pet dog mitzi(named after the actress mitzi gaynor ; )
for a walk in the park and i do like dogs or animals in general.
if i had more space where i live i would buy a dog.
i don't have any kids...and with me being unmarried i'm not in the position for that responsibility...maybe one day?
if i find a woman that will want me despite my problems.
enjoy yr day kath!
bye 4 now
Trevor
Topic: RE: x-post: Depression...
yay for you for posting! when i am depressed i have such a hard time letting anyone know b/c i take such a hit to my self-esteem. so i'm really glad you took that step and i do think it's important.
i had major depression for most of my life until i got in with some really great therapists in my 20's who helped address some of my underlying problems and gave me the support, direction, encouragement, and sometimes kicks in the ass i needed to make the very large behavioral changes necessary to get me un-depressed. and when i say major depression i mean catatonic, month in a locked ward at age 25, suicidal depression. i have a lot of personal experience with recovery from depression, some of which may be helpful to you, some of which may not even apply.
imo you have made some really important changes, and i'm focussed behaviorally so i'm going to focus on the behavioral side because the a/d are more or less a constant for your treatment and between you and your doctor as well. personally from my own experience meds or no meds, the behavioral component is critical (not saying you don't already know that).
For me it totally starts with self-care. So I can tell when I'm slipping b/c I don't want to shower, or do the dishes, or make my bed. and then pretty soon i don't want to move when the alarm goes off (well that's true on good days too LOL but it's less of a choice when i'm depressed!). and then it snowballs. and sometimes I can stop it before it gets bad and get back on track, but sometimes if something is happening in my life (like for you with this surgery) i fall off the edge too fast and then i go through this struggle (like you are now) to re-stabilize.
I have found a few things help.
One, is that sometimes my depression happens because i get complacent, but sometimes it's a reaction to something i'm not feeling. with something like this surgery, i can only guess that you are being triggered. it's possible that you are feeling something or many feelings which are slipping under awareness and either causing or being covered up by the depression (for me it can go both ways). if i can get a bead on what those feelings are, experience them, talk with someone about them, frequently my depression will evaporate.
The other more concrete thing is to make very small positive changes to get back on track. Your posting on this board I view as one of those small positive changes. It's the beginning of being able to free yourself from that paralyzing grip of anti-will they sometimes call "loss of motivation"' but i think of as the gravitational pull of the black hole sucking me to the heart of it. one really important piece of that is really chunking things down. i focus my attention on very small steps, never the big picture. i stop myself from thinking about results. i think only of doing the very next "right thing" and concentrate on connecting doing that with feeling better. for me that might mean standing up. on one level i know standing up is the first step toward doing the dishes, but i don't focus on the whole task, i just focus on the very next step. i focus on washing one dish, not a whole sink full. i focus on brushing my teeth, not my whole bedtime routine. maybe that is smaller chunks than you need, or maybe they are not small enough. the problem with having a GREAT routine (like your exercising) is that when you fall off the horse, it feels REALLY HUGE and hard to restart. personally i cannot do that. i have to restart small. and if the momentum builds (as it often does) pretty soon i'm merrily on my way to doing much more than i had committed to myself to do, and either way, eventually my depression lifts.
i hope some part of this helps. if it does not, i hope knowing you are NOT alone and i truly believe that for someone with a history of depression, it is not at all unusual to react to major stressors by becoming somewhat or a lot depressed, just like someone with chronic anger will tend to get angry when they feel vulnerable. it's just one of the aspects of that problem that you learn to deal with over time. and some depression is normal. it's not all pathological. waiting for something really important to me, that i might not get - that's a pretty huge stressor. depression is a pretty normal response to long-term stress.
just my .02.
i had major depression for most of my life until i got in with some really great therapists in my 20's who helped address some of my underlying problems and gave me the support, direction, encouragement, and sometimes kicks in the ass i needed to make the very large behavioral changes necessary to get me un-depressed. and when i say major depression i mean catatonic, month in a locked ward at age 25, suicidal depression. i have a lot of personal experience with recovery from depression, some of which may be helpful to you, some of which may not even apply.
imo you have made some really important changes, and i'm focussed behaviorally so i'm going to focus on the behavioral side because the a/d are more or less a constant for your treatment and between you and your doctor as well. personally from my own experience meds or no meds, the behavioral component is critical (not saying you don't already know that).
For me it totally starts with self-care. So I can tell when I'm slipping b/c I don't want to shower, or do the dishes, or make my bed. and then pretty soon i don't want to move when the alarm goes off (well that's true on good days too LOL but it's less of a choice when i'm depressed!). and then it snowballs. and sometimes I can stop it before it gets bad and get back on track, but sometimes if something is happening in my life (like for you with this surgery) i fall off the edge too fast and then i go through this struggle (like you are now) to re-stabilize.
I have found a few things help.
One, is that sometimes my depression happens because i get complacent, but sometimes it's a reaction to something i'm not feeling. with something like this surgery, i can only guess that you are being triggered. it's possible that you are feeling something or many feelings which are slipping under awareness and either causing or being covered up by the depression (for me it can go both ways). if i can get a bead on what those feelings are, experience them, talk with someone about them, frequently my depression will evaporate.
The other more concrete thing is to make very small positive changes to get back on track. Your posting on this board I view as one of those small positive changes. It's the beginning of being able to free yourself from that paralyzing grip of anti-will they sometimes call "loss of motivation"' but i think of as the gravitational pull of the black hole sucking me to the heart of it. one really important piece of that is really chunking things down. i focus my attention on very small steps, never the big picture. i stop myself from thinking about results. i think only of doing the very next "right thing" and concentrate on connecting doing that with feeling better. for me that might mean standing up. on one level i know standing up is the first step toward doing the dishes, but i don't focus on the whole task, i just focus on the very next step. i focus on washing one dish, not a whole sink full. i focus on brushing my teeth, not my whole bedtime routine. maybe that is smaller chunks than you need, or maybe they are not small enough. the problem with having a GREAT routine (like your exercising) is that when you fall off the horse, it feels REALLY HUGE and hard to restart. personally i cannot do that. i have to restart small. and if the momentum builds (as it often does) pretty soon i'm merrily on my way to doing much more than i had committed to myself to do, and either way, eventually my depression lifts.
i hope some part of this helps. if it does not, i hope knowing you are NOT alone and i truly believe that for someone with a history of depression, it is not at all unusual to react to major stressors by becoming somewhat or a lot depressed, just like someone with chronic anger will tend to get angry when they feel vulnerable. it's just one of the aspects of that problem that you learn to deal with over time. and some depression is normal. it's not all pathological. waiting for something really important to me, that i might not get - that's a pretty huge stressor. depression is a pretty normal response to long-term stress.
just my .02.
Topic: RE: how to overcome depression?
Hi Trevor,
I am sorry to hear you hurting so bad inside. Although I don't feel my feelings were as bad as your's, I do understand. My meds have helped me so much.
I didn't have panic attacks, but more of like anexity attacks. I am also very shy. When I would be in a group of people my self concousi vouice would be telling me that people around me laughing at me, or think I am stupid. There was even a inner battle over when I should leave when visiting friends and such.
When my doctor switched my med to Trazadone, it was the greatest thing. I had been on proranaol also. But it didnt help me. The trazadone made the negitive subconcious voice be more quite, and talk slower. Now I can do so much more without feeling afriad than I could before.
Every person is different, in symtoms and responses to meds. So please talk to your doctor, about changing your meds or adding another one to what you already take. When you find the right meds or combonation, its like a light bulb turns on. Feel free to write me private message.
With love,
David
Topic: RE: holy...
awesome
awesome It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end. ~Ursula K. LeGuin
Topic: ~SPIRITUAL NOT RELIGIOUS~ A DAY AT A TIME
05/07 REFLECTION FOR THE DAY
If I believe that it's hopeless to expect any improvement in my life, I'm doubting the power of God. If I believe I have reason for despair, I'm confessing personal failure, for I do have the power to change myself; nothing can prevent it but my own unwillingness. I can learn in The Program to avail myself of the immense, unexhaustible power of God -- if I'm willing to be continually aware of God's nearness. DO I STILL IMAGINE THAT MY SATISFACTION WITH LIFE DEPENDS ON WHAT SOMEONE ELSE MAY DO?
TODAY I PRAY
May I give over my life to the will of God, not to the whims and insensitivities of others. When I counted solely on what other people did and thought and felt for my own happiness, I became nothing more than a cheap mirror reflecting others' lives. May I remain close to God in all things. I value myself because He values me. May I have my being in his Being and be dependent only upon Him.
TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Stay close to God.
If I believe that it's hopeless to expect any improvement in my life, I'm doubting the power of God. If I believe I have reason for despair, I'm confessing personal failure, for I do have the power to change myself; nothing can prevent it but my own unwillingness. I can learn in The Program to avail myself of the immense, unexhaustible power of God -- if I'm willing to be continually aware of God's nearness. DO I STILL IMAGINE THAT MY SATISFACTION WITH LIFE DEPENDS ON WHAT SOMEONE ELSE MAY DO?
TODAY I PRAY
May I give over my life to the will of God, not to the whims and insensitivities of others. When I counted solely on what other people did and thought and felt for my own happiness, I became nothing more than a cheap mirror reflecting others' lives. May I remain close to God in all things. I value myself because He values me. May I have my being in his Being and be dependent only upon Him.
TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Stay close to God.
It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end. ~Ursula K. LeGuin
Topic: RE: holy...
Liz,
I am thrilled for you. That is the best kind of news you can give me today.
Hugs,
Trish
I am thrilled for you. That is the best kind of news you can give me today.
Hugs,
Trish
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
Topic: RE: 30 day programs - How do you take missing your family?
Good Luck with your program. I know that many in my IOP did the 30 days inpatient first and now they are doing IOP for 15 sessions, and then will be in the weekly groups for a while. You may want to see if IOP is an option after you are discharged. It helps to continue treatment after you come out and ease yourself into reality.
No matter what level of care you get, don't forget the 12 Steps and AA.
Hugs,
Trish
No matter what level of care you get, don't forget the 12 Steps and AA.
Hugs,
Trish
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
sweeney1
on 5/7/09 5:55 am
on 5/7/09 5:55 am
Topic: RE: Had to guit smoking today,HELP ME!!!
After 20 years I quit. That was 3 years ago. I still chew the nicrotte gum. Expensive, but my lungs are healthy. my surgery doc said he would not dream of telling to quit chewing the gum prio to surgery:)
Topic: RE: 30 day programs - How do you take missing your family?
I am going - I realized that if I want to be the best wife and mother that I can be (my children are grown - but they still need a "Mom") that I have to do it. My 4 legged baby will be a complete idiot, but my welfare/health is more important.
I have done 3 different 5 day programs - and they worked for about 6 to 9 months and then quit working. I need to do the hard program and figure out my stuff.
I have done 3 different 5 day programs - and they worked for about 6 to 9 months and then quit working. I need to do the hard program and figure out my stuff.
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