hey, im sctually bpd and bp. bordline personality is normal when people do things in extreems. like me for instance when i shop i will spend every penny litteraly. or like before i had the surgery when i got upset i would bake. but i would go and but like 12 boxes of cake and make them all. then there would be times when i would be sooooo down that i would not talk to anyone. basicly jumping from one thing to the next with no time to relax in the middle. hope this makes sence. and bi polar is simmilar. depending on wich type you have

06/06 REFLECTION FOR THE DAY
Adjusting myself to things as they are, and being able to love without trying to interfere with or control anyone else, however close to me -- that's one of the important things I search for and can find in The Program.  The learning is sometimes painful; however, the reward is life itself -- full and serene.  IS THE PROGRAM HELPING RESTORE ME TO A SANE AND REASONABLE WAY OF THINKING, SO I CAN HANDLE MY INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS WITH LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING?

TODAY I PRAY
May I respect those that I love enough to set them free -- to stop controlling, manipulating,  scheming, bailing them out of trouble.  May I love them enough to let them make their own mistakes and take responsibility for them.  May I learn to let go.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Loving is letting go.

I have had suicidal ideations in my lifetime, and thank God that I have never succeeded on my feeble attempts.  My ex-husband's father committed suicide when we were first married.  It devastated and scarred my ex forever.  I now work in a psychiatric hospital part time and see patients who have tried.  The depression and shame they experience is so deep. 

I have a friend who just told me that her 13 year old grandson's father just committed suicide this week.  That boy will be scarred for life.

The problem with suicide is that it causes a permanent pain in the loved ones left behind.

Please, to anyone suffering with suicidal thoughts, tell someone.  Call a hotline.  Get to an emergency room.  Whether you believe it or not, people do care about you.

Hugs,
Trish

Thanks so much, can use prayers right now.  Anytime really, lol.  But, unfortunately, my doctor did not understand and took cymbalta away completely.  Completely.  This morning I'm sitting here thinking how did that happen?  I can't handle that on top of surgery.  Oh my.  I'll have to work this out, so prayers are quite welcome.

This morning I read posts from the main board in response to my post above and was further troubled by the number of people struggling with suicidal thoughts and tendencies.  Below is a response I posted.  I do this in an attempt to make a difference for someone else.  It's called paying it forward.

Thank you, each of you for responding to my post.  I believe my message, tho well intended may not have had the impact I'd hoped for a few.  My purpose was to encourage and explain that there is hope.  I know the demon of suicide.  I've met him and have been close enough to have smelled his ugly breath!  What I am trying to say is there is help.  And it doesn't have to end the way you think it does.  In many of the posts, and in many of the cir****tances that have hit close to home for me, it's the people who are left behind that suffer greatly as a result of this very selfish and very needless act.  With the proper help and perspective the demon of suicide can be attacked and conquered.  What we don't have to do is encourage it.  We have to exercise it by help, medication and therapy.  And on a side note, but very much related to this topic is the fact that as recovering food addicts, we no longer have our "drug" to medicate life.  So when life hits us in the face, we must face it with a different approach.  I love this place in cyberspace.  It fills a much needed space for me.  I've met wonderful friends here who have helped to steady me when I've needed steadying.  Who cheer me when I need cheering.  And who generally give me unconditional love and acceptance.  It would devastate me to know that one of you chose death over life when life is so much better.  With that said, I offer hugs and friendship to you. 
Marie aka Nannyre