I know that financial worries can be crushing, and as you said, the messy house doesn't help. The help from him that I was referring to was getting the house ready to sell. Why doesn't the BIL help out, and does he pay ya'll rent?
I hope so. Down-sizing makes total sense if it relieves the stress.
At any rate, just talking about it and getting it off your chest is a good start.
Stay strong. You're always so supportive of everyone else.
By the way, are any of the kids old enough to do some chores? If they are, start making lists. LOL.

Margo

Emily,  I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. I feel the same way about a messy house, and I don't want to think about how overwhelmed I'd be without help once a week.
Maybe you could make the old "Honey Do" list since your husband's not lazy, just unmotivated. 
I know with my husband, once he's aware that something is really bothering me, he makes an effort. I've even written him letters at night and left them where he can read them when he gets up in the morning. I just pour my heart out knowing that he can't put his head in the sand if it's staring him right in the face. We were both born and raised in LA. and have been married 44 years. I can tell ya'll really love each other. Just communicate your real feelings to him, and do it as many times as you need to until you get the help you need.

Your friend,
Margo

hi, i am ejjy, and i will confess i am a drunk and a drug addict.  i've been sober since february of 1991 with the help of AA and some excellent therapists, and the gift of desperation.  keep it green.

I am sitting here crying and overwhelmed by my life.  I know that these emotions are not warranted in the cir****tances but I can not seem to get over this feeling.  I have been working more than normal lately and had to let my housekeeper go.  My house is a mess and I cant seem to get my butt in gear to clean it.  We need to put our house on the market but there are a lot of small things that need to be done first and no one seems to care but me.  Dh says he wants to do it but sits on his butt unless I tell him exactly what to do.  I am tired of being in charge and haivng it all on me.  MT Dh works hard where his job is concerned but here at home it all seems to be on me.  I am not good with keeping up with housework and with 2 men and 4 kids here most of the time i am plain overwhelmed.  a dirty house depresses me and makes things worse but at the moment hiring a housekeeper is out of the question.  I had planned to have all day alone to clean the house but my oldest DD called from summer camp that she wasx coughing and it was hurting her stomach so I had to pick her up.  she has not coughed at all since I picked her up and I have had kids home all day when i should have had a day off.  Sorry for dumping this on all of you but I had to vent somewhere.  I dont know what I am going to do to change things.  My next day "off" is Thur and I have Drs appt then so I doubt I will get anything done then.  I hope i can feel better soon.

I myself am not an Alcoholic, but my father became one after the death of my mother in 2001, and we just recently lost him in October 2008.  It was very hard watching a man that I thought was Superman as a little kid just deteriorate over the years. 

I've done my fair share of Al-Anon meetings in the past, and I still get scared sometimes that if I get depressed one day, that I might turn to the bottle and never look back. 

I hope you'll let me in to your discussion because even though it's a major disease, it's something that  you can overcome, and I would love everyone's insight.