Need someone and who better than OH friends
I have drank socially for years high school, college, before WLS, even after and never thought I had a problem. After surgery I switched from beer to wine because of the carbonation. At first things were fine. I mean I would get drun****assionally but it wasn't a real problem my friends were usually the same way. Well for about the last 3-4 months things have gotten really bad. I would get in my car when my boyfriend would bring me home from the bar and head to another. I would pass out at the bar. I became very hostile to him every time I would drink and even slapped him for no apparent reason two weeks ago. My job has really started to suffer and I have even been called in by my boss about lateness and absentees. This weekend took the cake. I started drinking about 2:00 in the afternoon went to one bar to meet some friends they realized right off hand when I arrived I was already trashed so they drove me home and left my car there (it is a very short distance to my house) When I got home I decided to walk to another bar that is about a three minute walk from my house (now keep in mind I have no recollection of these events this is what I was told by my best friend the next day when we had an intervention.) When I arrived at the 2nd bar a friend of mine quickly took me home because she could see I was in no condition to be out in public. I then was placed in my bed and she said when she left me I was passed out however I got up again and walked back to the 2nd bar a 2nd time with my yorkie in hand (cause for some reason I thought he should go as well) Another good friend of mine was heading to the bar and noticed me walking and stopped and put me back in her car and took me home again. I was so embarassed the next day and all of my friends are now saying i have a problem I don't drink everyday but when I do I just can't stop. I have a vice for chardonnay. I know since losing 125 lbs I can't drink like i did back in the day but I am killing myself and don't want to lose the people i am closest with but all of my good friends are college buddies and usually get together twice a week to head to the bar i am terrified of loosing them and wish i could just take one drink and put it down does anyone have any suggestions. should i join AA i am losing it here and i feel like i am so depressed when i am not drinking. help please.
christian
I will be thinking about you this weekend. Stay strong we are going to beat this. I just had a friend act really ugly to me because I was suppose to plan out her bach. party in Myrtle Beach and didn't feel like I could do that right now and told her I couldn't go but I guess bridezilla doesn't give a crap about me getting healthy cause she acted like she was pissed. oh well i am learning early which friends i can trust and which ones i can't. i am with you dana this will be the first friday in a long time i haven't had a drink and after that i want one so bad i don't know what to do. at least i am going home with my mom for a couple of days so i will be watched like a hawk.
stay strong and hugs to you
christian
So glad you posted! Honey, this is so scary. You are correct you ARE killing yourself and honestly you are so lucky something awful did not happen to you this weekend.
If your friends are really friends and not just drinking buddies they will stick by you if you drink or not. I will not lecture you. I suggest you get to a meeting. Go with an open mind. Look for the similarities in what people are saying not the differences. College is tuff. Everyone is partying. It is hard to avoid it. You may or may not be able to tolerate putting yourself in that situation. If you continue as you are nothing good will come of that.Go to a meeting, listen and get some phone numbers. Picking up the phone and calling someone in the program seems hard at first but those are people who have been there and done that. They give you numbers so when you are tempted to drink you have a sounding board to give you strength. A chance to think it thru til the end result before you ingest the drink.
Keeping you in my prayers. I will not say you face an easy road but the one you are on is paved with self destuction. Feel free to email me anytime.
Laurie
Christian, Laurie is the real expert here . . .
For me, I work 2 jobs, and I started grabbing a beer just to get to sleep fast at night . . . 1 became 2 became 3 . . . and there were times I'd wake up in the morning & find things in disaray all over the house and had no recollection of what I did. I started reading, and came across something called transference. We transfer our food addiction to another, be it shopping, alcohol, whatever.
The good thing is that you've got friends looking out for you. God forbid you had gotten in your car on one of those trips . . .
Good luck and a great big hug from NJ!
Oh boy Linda I am far from an expert! I am just sharing my experience hope and strength. I have worked at this pretty hard and have learned a few things but in the grand pix I am a newbie. I am shooting straight from my experience but there are lots of others with more experience. I come here and answer and post from my heart. I hope others can relate.
laurie
well guys things got worse. I wanted to see if I could actually just drink one glass of wine so Tueday I got off work and bought a four pack little bottle I drank all of them and by the time my boyfriend came home from work I was trashed. He tried to settle me down by calling my two best friends to come over and sit with me until i would fall asleep but i would pretend to go to sleep and then when everyone would leave i would leave and go get more wine. this happened twice until they called my mother (who lives 2 hours from me) she hopped in her car at 11:00 at night and was on the way. All hell broke lose. I fought them until about 3 am when I finally passed out. My mother slapped me I slapped her it wasn't pretty so when I woke up on Wednesday morning I decided enough was enough. I told my mom I wanted to go some where but didn't want to be hospitalized. I was able to go to an outpatien treatment center and they put me on antidepressants and gave me the name of a phycologist i also went to a general dr and he gave me some medicine for my ulcer which I had only been making worse by drinking. i looked up when and where the AA meeting are here in my area my mom is going to stay with me again tonight and then tomorrow she is going to take me home for the weekend. i am praying to god that he will take away my need to drink
thank you guys for listening.
christian
Oh Christian, your story sounds like what has been going on in my home for the last 2 years. My loving, kind, wonderful husband of 29 years had WLS in May 2004. In August '04 he started drinking quite heavily. Drinking has never been an issue in our marriage, seldom ever did either of us drink unless we were out with friends which was not often because he doesn't like crowds or smoke. Anyway, his drinking got worse and worse and each time he became someone I did not know. He was verbally and mentally abusive to me, something he has NEVER done in all the years I've known. He has promised at least a dozen times he would never drink again (he pleads that he doesn't remember any of what I told him had been said). Our son was home for the holidays and all went well until New Year's night (not eve) when he drank. At 2:30 in the morning, he's out walking around in our front yard with a loaded pistol. When my son attempted to take the gun from him, he got physical with our son. This was horrible, at one point the gun was pointed at my head, my son's chest and then my husband's chest. I warned him to give the gun to my son or I'd be forced to call the police. He would not, so I called 911. Two officer's arrived in just a very few minutes. Thankfully by the time they arrived, my son had gotten gun away and removed the bullets. This could have been a total disaster. Long story short, after two days in a motel with my son, I returned home to talk. He does not recall anything he did or said from 11pm that night until Tuesday morning. He said some very mean, hateful things to my son and I will never be able to forgive him for that. I can forget, but not forgive. He and our son made their amends but I'm sure there is some lasting damage to their relationship. Hubby has promised not to drink a single drop ever again, but I'm still waiting for the next time. He refuses to go to AA or talk to our pastor or anyone else but me. He says he cannot open up to anyone else. This is his very last chance and he knows it. He will be forced from my home if there are any other drinking episodes and I will immediately file for divorce. No one should live in fear everyday. Since the episode involved a gun, even though one of the officer's is a family friend and he was not arrested, there is a record of the episode on record. And, as bad as I hate it, my son was witness to the outrageous anger and pure stupidity of the situation. He now knows why I have such a fear of his dad drinking. I truly do not know how I would have handled that night if my son had not been there.
Sorry this is so long, but Christian, please, for your sake and those who love you, please run, don't walk to the closest AA meeting. YOU deserve better, your loved ones deserve better. I'm posting a link to an article (the only one I've been able to find since this has started with hubby) that I feel every WLS patient should read. I am truly a firm believer that anyone who has had this life altering surgery, never touch a drop of alcohol (hubby can even get drunk drinking O'duells sp?).
Anyway, I'm closing now, thank you all for letting me vent. This has been the most horrible two years of my entire life and just pray all the time that he will never drink again. Its so hard for me to understand how one goes from drinking a few drinks a year to this? As soon as tax season is over, I have to find an Al-anon group locally. If anyone has suggestions, I'm open.
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