HALT

I hate those cutesy sayings...make me wanna gag! But they are entrenched for a reason. Today I am not exactly hungry, but I have to REALLY watch my intake because I ate like a fiend for the past two days out of frustration and am at the top of my personally permissable weight range. Kinda like a drunk only with watermelon, f/f cottage cheese, steamed asparagus and broccoli. Sick, huh? It's not the substance, it's the behavior. I am angry because, call me a drunk, call me lazy, fat, beaujois, cheap..anything, but DO NOT tell me I am a bad cook! I have a Chinese hubby and I spend literally hours a day fixing meals. Hubby has gone too far this time. Invalidation. Last night I made Tilapia steamed with ginger, soy sauce,tomato, parsley green onions, and broccoli with ****ake mushrooms in sweet dark sauce, radish soup, steamed rice and cantalope. Tonight, because I am going away, in the frig I have four beautiful filet mignon wrapped in bacon, fresh linguine and pesto,green chard and strawberries. Ironically, I am so cheap, I have never bought filet mignon in my life. What timing! You can imagine how disappointed I feel. His side of the street is very dirty and I need to guard against it polluting my side, which it has already, but I can clean it up (you 12 steppers know what I mean, the rest think I'm nutty) Lonely...hubby says he just doesn't care anymore. I doubt he ever did, really. I feel loved by everyone except my spouse and, for some reason, that is lonely. Tired. I couldn't sleep. Too full, too upset. Now I have absolutely NO intention of drinking. Before, this would have been a perfect set up for self pity and a day of drinking and bad TV. But now, ths day calls for an extra dose of self love. In fact, what I decided to do when I got up this morning is to make a run through the house and gather up all of the obvious useless things, bag up the kids old clothes and make a run to the Salvation Army. Loads better for the self esteem than a 12 pack. Or an 18 pack! One day at a time. In 2 days I'll be at the bea*****alifornia. In 4 days I'll start to miss my kids..LOL! Gotta have those two days! Don't know if I'll miss hubby. He had better hope I do. One thing AA teaches us how NOT to do is be a doormat. Can you tell I couldn't make my meeting this morning? Ha! Had to take Gordo to early theatre auditions. Now, there's a bright ray... Vicki