Kiling my self slowly

I went weeks of living and loved life every sec... of it,,,, but today I am dying once again......... I hate that I have fAILED I am drinking over stupid things like fighting with step kids and so forth.......I Hate to say I hate Her But I do............. I have no way of knowing how of knowing how to deal...... Cyndee

You know what they say; Progress, not perfection. AA screws upyour drinking,for sure. If you drink, it is no longer carefree and fun. I don't want to be a book thumper, but I will say this. Our preamble says NO ONE amongst us is perfect. We are not saints. If you have your eye on the ball and keep trying to move forward, give yourself a break. That's not to give license to drink,but you also don't have to beat yourselfup about it. We are alcoholics. Scientists have discovered it is in our DNA. It is not our fault. I admire more the person who falls of the horse, has a sore butt, and climbs right back on amore than those lucky ones "struck sober". I went out after 10 1/2 years! I thought I was "cured" even though I knew I wasn't. Just stay connected. Don'tisolate. That's the realkiller. No one willjudge you; I think most,if not all, of us have been there, done that,or are there, doing that. Kudos for your honesty. That's still a hard one for me, I sadly admit. BTW my daughter and son are hitting their teens and, as much as I love them, sometimes I just cannot stand them. Nature's way of preparing parents to let go? Ha!!! That's putting icing on it! Vicki

Cyndee, Glad you came back here. What Vicki says is so true. Failed? That sounds permanent. Nope just get back on track. Keep going back. No one is perfect. Getting sober and staying sober is a new behavior. As Vicki said, the awareness of a better way takes the fun out of drinking. We cannot ever drink again and expect it to make us feel better. The misery picks up where we left it and gets worse. As far as teen/ young adults. I have 3 of my own and a family friend here. They are all very different. It is a challange. Somedays more than others but even when I am furious I hang on to the fact that it will pass. I call someone who understands Before I pick up the drink. My suggestion is to get a support group in your fellowship. You can vent here too. Just for today don't drink. They add up one day at a time. I used to hate those coined phrases but damn they are true. Hugs, Laurie

you haven't failed, you're just human like the rest of us. Today is another day. Good luck, Hugs!

Hi Cyndee, How are you today? Laurie

Here's my post this morning...Really Depressed Original Post by Smiley Girl at 8:57 AM PST on 04/04/2006 Everett, DC - David Lauter M.D. Hi all, I'm not writing to get flamed that's the last thing I need. I just need people to talk to. I have been complelely out of control. After surgery I started drinking Vokda and plenty of it. I waited only 3 mos before I start drinking and have drank at least 3-4 times per week pretty heavily. I had gone off my anti-depressants prior to surgery and spun out of control shortly thereafter. I've lost only about 74 pounds since surgery and I'm sure it has to do with the calories from the alcohol as any eating I did was very healthy--I know, go figure. Drink myself to death while eating healthy. Anyway, I finally reached out for help yesterday. I layed in bed all weekend very depressed, called in sick to work and decided to see a doctor, and what a wonderful doctor he was. He put me on an anti-depressant, a blood pressure pill, a mood stabilizer and a drug to help me withdrawl from the alcohol. I feel better yet today. I also called my surgeon who was so sweet and supportive. He said that he believe I can kick this with hard work and that he would be prayer for me. I really got a great surgeon. He called me back while he was on vacation. I also called my nutritionist and confessed and now it's back to AA. I need all the support I can get. I need to find an outlet for my problems and not turn to the bottle. Thankfully, all my blood work came out great. Whew! Well, thanks for listening. I'm right there with you Cyththia...you're not alone

Hi, I am glad you stopped by and are checking out the posts. As you can see you are not alone. Seems we have a fair number of lurkers and it is always nice to see them pop in and post. I am so happy for you that you are addressing all of this and the labs are looking good. I had mine done recently and no call with bad news. I am seeing the Dr next week so I will know for sure but so far so good. I am due for a physical soon. Yuck. Seems like I just did that. At 50 I know they are going to slam me with stuff to do. Unfortunately I have a family Hx of colon cancer so damn it they will want to go there!!!!LOL Sounds like you have a great support in your Dr. I just met my new PCD a few weeks ago. He was most supportive of my dealing with my addiction. I have a very good feeling about him. My other Dr moved so I hated the idea of a change. I think it will be good. You have a terrific attitude. Have a good night. Laurie