UPDATE, EMBARRASSED, ASHAMED!!!

Oh Yeah, My hubby did not get it. Still isn't sure he does understand the obsession. But, he does believe me. He is very supportive and I am grateful. He thought it was weird to go to meetings. Soon he saw how good I was feeling and the change in my behavior. I could go to meetings twice daily and he would be okay with it because life is so much better for all. " When mama ain't happy ain't no body happy". DH goes to parties and celebration with me but not regular meetings. He even when on a retreat! He loves many of the people and more important respects them for knowing they have a problem and doing something about it. I did not expect the level of support he has given me but I sure am happy to have it. It takes time. He still doesn't really understand. If I had a drink he would say are you okay with that? Just be careful. Never will understand how that opens a can of worms for me. It is my responsibility to check myself not his. Laurie

Just wanted to chime in with my similarities to your post. But the hiding the evidence in my trunk is from my 15-yr-old daughter. I also look forward to the wknds she's at friends or at dad's house to feel that *whew*, I understand and feel your guilt. I know exactly what you're thinking. It's funny that you use the word "pathetic"...that is the word my daughter used to describe me once. That hurt. I/you am/are not pathetic. Other things, yes. But not pathetic. Sometimes I justify it to myself, because I truly did not drink (yes, I drank and sometimes to excess. At weddings, at gatherings or the like, but that amounted to about 5-6 times a year and never had libations in my house EVER, just went out). But now at 18 mos post surgery it's about every other day. And I do want to seek help because I know, for me, it's a replacement for food (or it started to be anyway, it may have taken on its own life now cuz I enjoy it in the moment--altho the next day sux guilt-wise.) Sometimes physically, but mostly guilty. My tolerance is so high I'm embarrassed compared to what I could drink 100 pounds ago. (I did switch from mixed drinks pre-op to beer, but I don't know what that means) So from a fellow MN to you. Hang in there. Don't feel pathetic, you are not. Like I said, there are many adjectives to choose from-pathetic is NOT one of them. Lori

Lori, Self loathing. Ouch! Strange as it seems we are pretty self absorbed even if it is in a negative way. My sponsor says," I may not be much but I am all I think about". We are our own worst enemies. I am gald to see your post. It is so important to not isolate. I was convinced no one else felt like I do. No one would understand. It kept me stagnated. Take care of yourself. Hiding your drink in the trunk? I am sorry you feel you have to do that. My guess is she knows or soon will. Laurie