What am I doing here?

I have always thought to myself how lucky I am not to have an "addictive personality". I have tried some things that can be addictive such as nicotine and alcohol but I never felt like I had to have it again. I never looked forward to when I could have the next ____ (fill in the blank). But... I am addicted. I am so positively addicted to food I can't believe I denied it for this long. I remember navigating this site, seeing this forum and being thankful I didn't need to go there. But this is where I should have been all along. I am constantly thinking about what I can put in my mouth next, every moment seems to be about food. I have lost 130 pounds and how I have kept it off is some miracle of God. But it can't last because I am addicted to crap! I am currently working on a compulsive eating workbook. It seems to be helping. It seems to be pointing me in the direction of therapy. I think maybe a support group would be more helpful. Anyone have exp. with OA? I had to go to AA meetings when I was in Nursing school. Even though I never drank at that time (I was pregnant) I thoroughly enjoyed the meetings, connected with the people and when the assignment was done I wanted to keep going. I think its time to return and connect. What do you think? Dawna

Hi Dawna, Welcome aboard! There are some great people in here. I am a strong believer in 12 step programs. It saved my life. If you read the old posts it is pretty clear I can abuse anything! Food is at the top of my list. I go to NA. They accept me. They support me and understand my warped thinking and can help me find a better way. I am also a nurse. We help others but not ourselves. It does not surprise me you liked the AA mtgs. I would guess you heard the similarities. That is what it is all about. I have been to AA, NA, Al-anon, Nar- anon. I could easily go to OA. I have abused food, pills, alcohol, shopping, you name it. I never got in trouble or went to rehab. I was not sure where I fit in. I know now I could use any of them for recovery. NA was where a friend went and invited me. Yes I was addicted to pain meds so I stayed. It helps me everyday with my food issues too. I need the support of others. I have struggled since I was 17 knowing I had a problem. I avoided getting into trouble and certain substances because I knew if I tried them I would die. It did not save me. I almost died fat, pill addicted and drinking. What caused it? Who knows? I was miserable even when life was great. Today I have a wonderful life. Give OA a try. Go to a few meetings. What do you have to lose? Hugs, Laurie

Welcome! I've always said, food's my drug of choice! I've been the therapy route, and it helped me. Thankfully this board has opened my eyes a bit. I've got the capability of overdoing anything and everything. Can't seem to do anything in moderation. Can't have one beer, have to have all of them. Right now I'm desperately trying to stay away from alcohol. I sliced up a bunch of cucumbers, and instead of drinking (or eatting junk) stuff them in my face. I get to feel full, get to chew, but its low cal. Maybe try something like that. Good luck!

Thanks for the welcome. I appreciate it. I always thought people who were mo were just like me, but they aren't. Just because they have a weight problem, does not mean they share this compulsive need to eat with me. I appreciate the advice and do plan on getting active in my search for support. Thanks again. Dawna PS: I completely connect with the I can't just have one. I totally have to eat until something is gone. I'm sick! My coping method is to buy single servings and grocery shop daily so there is never too much on hand to eat "through".

LOL! One is too many a thousand never enough. True that many do not have the compulsion but I think it is embarrassing and few really admit it. I am all about control. I really had a hard time admitting I could not control myself. I would forget I ate things all the time. I think forget was spelled denial for me. Laurie

I am addicted, too. I love to eat. I've given up fighting it. I've been going to bed at 9 or 10, waking up at 5:30. That mechanically cuts out the nightime munchies, which was where I consumed most of my wasted calories.I still eat a LOT, but I eat healthier foods. When I "binge" I eat a whole carton of f/f cottage cheese,not a half gallon of ice ceam. I will NEVER be one of those people who can eat three bites of enchilada w/ sour cream and guac. Ain't gonna happen...it isn't over 'til the fat lady sings. Easier to change what I eat and how I eat than to try not to eat. But that's me...we all find our own method. Vicki

I eat six small meals a day. Multiple reasons. Physical and mental. I am trying to drop this last 19 pounds but it is hard. I would have to change so drastically and I keep returning to my comfort zone. I struggle with if I should be happy with my success or do I feel like a failure because I have not reached my weight goal. It depends on the day really. Turning 50 in a few weeks. I do not want to be a slave to the scale. The real fear is that I will gain. I can live with how I look and feel now. Hell I am happy. If I stop concentrating on the last 19# will I get complacent and gain? I feel like it would be a relapse. My disease is deeply ingrained after all these years. Laurie