You gotta do what you gotta do.

I always hear stories about people who go out over Vicodin or other legitimate pain meds. When I had my lbl and ubl, I took Vicodin as prescribed for two weeks and damn if I didn't have withdrawals! My sponsor says once we've been addicted to any substance our brain is rewired and it "remembers" in a flah. I thought that was horseackempucky 'til it happened to me. But sometimes there is a legitimate need. When I haven't slept in 4 nts, which should be physically impossible, I need to drive my kids in the car when every time I stand up I get dizzy, and my sobriety is in jeopardy (sp?), then it's time to cry uncle. Plus my mood swings were absolutely unbrearable...manic. Literally one minute high and excited, next minute crying. Luckily, poor Doc, I have told him EVERYTHING from the get go. When I first met him, I spilled my guts and then asked if he was willing to take me on. What a relief to not have to hide, impress, fear! (remember the dread of getting on the scale and getting a lecture?) I told him how scared I was of drugs and relapse. So he's working with me closely. He gave me ambien, which he says is non-addictive so long as I take it for less than 6 mos. (I only need a few days to get back on my feet unless, God forbid, as some people claim, this lasts for years!). He gave me fluoxetine, which is the generic for Prozac, which I said I would take only until we tweak some type of treatment, hormone or other, and I bought black cohosh on my own. So I'm armed. My sponsor knows all. Still, I was afraid to take the ambien last night. I was more afraid of the alternative. Fear can be a good thing. If you guys are reading, could you please post, even just to say Hi? If you're still caught in the trap, don't be shy. I am one drink away from a drunk (I proved that a few months ago after 10 1/2 yrs. sobriety!)and if I should happen to fall off the wagon, I want to be able to come here and be accepted. Vicki

Vicki, I always look forward to your posts. You are definely doing all the right things. I am not one who thinks anyone even an addict needs to be a marter. Heck you have told everyone who can support and help you thru this. I was addicted to pain meds and diet pills. When I had a root canal this year I needed to take pain meds. I did the same thing. I talked to the dentist, my sponsor and support system. It did awaken the beast afterward. I found myself intolerant of my chronic pain. I shared the feelings openly with my spouse, sponsor and at a meeting. It took the compulsion away. At least in the immediate moment. I continued to have fleeting using thoughts for 2 months but I just did not pick up and I talked. It did pass. I have taken anti- depressants since 1991. If I did not treat it I could not recover. I have tried stopping them and it is not pretty. I think of it like diabetes. My body lacks or does not use serritonine like it should so it is a chemical imbalance I have to address. Please do not disappear from this board. You are a constant poster and I really appriciate your presence here. Laurie