Weight misperceptions/faker/try try again

I'll hit 'em all with one post. For the first time ever I was having a minor freak last night. The top of my range is 170. Got on the scale and it was 180! Did the potty parade all night and I'm 169, even after breakfast. Guess that means I'm full of it, huh?! Anyway, I remember when I was losing how even 1/2 poiund was a huge deal. Now I totally have to change my mindset. There's usually at least a 4 pound difference am and pm. No biggie, a pound or two, or three. Guess that's why we're advised to weigh the same time evry day, duh! Lots of my beliefs are having to be changed now. Like if I'm not losing, I should cut calories. Actually, sometimes I have to increase to lose. Weird. Or I don't have to always be losing; sometimes I may actually have to make myself eat to gain weight, double weird (sigh, not the case now unfortunately). Like social events must be organized around food; food is love, not let's take a hike all together. Many, many things. I had an uncomfortable experience at my AA group this morning. These people have never seen me fat and think I'm a normie because I keep my diet talk on these boards. Somehow it slipped out that I had lost a lot of weight. They of course asked how much. I told them 210. They asked how I did it. I was honest, to a point. I told them I went to bed at 9, up at 5 which cut out the nightime munchies, went to a 6am group, came home, loaded up the kids for school and the dogs, walked the dogs for an hour, then did 30 min. cardio, 30 min. weight, 20 min. stretches. I didn't count cals., just protein first, then veges, fruits and complex carbs, all whole foods. And it took me three years. Maybe because I was such a slow loser they made an assumption. One woman I really like said, well you really worked at it. You didn't do any of that stupid stuff like stomach stapling. Eek! Now I feel like I'm hiding a secret and if I tell, I will lose respect. Same thing happened in Calif. at the gym. They watched me struggle for 8 years and finally drop the weight. My best gym buddy made a comment on how proud she was of me that I stuck to my routine and didn't resort to some artificial means like gastric bypass. Ouch! I never told, but was uncomfortable from then out. Yesterday was NOT a perfect day. No day ever is. I did compensate for my less than stellar eating habits by exercising. Until I buckled and had a bowl of shepherds pie. Some things I just can not make. Ironically, they are too darned good. So I'll try again today. In the past 5 yr. 4 mos. I have not had to really watch what I eat because of my eating style. This is the very first time I have had to "diet". I forgot how! It's hard!!!! Especially having insomnia for 4 nights straight. Makes me want to gaze. I had to buy strawberry mixer (instead of liquor) for poached apples and felt very uncomfortable in the alcohol aisle. Vicki

Oh Vicki, I so can relate!!! Yesterday I finally went back to fitday and tracked my eating and exercise. I guess I did okay but not as well as I "assumed". I am having trouble with balance. Shock, huh? Imagine that an addict with balance problems?LOL I do not have a problem with the secrecy issue because I am the poster child of wls. I am very open about it. I have also NEVER had one negative comment about it. I find it strange to read about all the awful things people say. There is the possibility thay I do not absorb the negative vibes because I am so happy about my choice. No one else walked in my shoes. My sponsor was a little uncomfortable about it because she had 2 sponsees previously who did not try to follow the wls rules and regained or had major health problems post op due to lack of complience. From the beginning I knew I had to apply my recovery to my weight issues so I shared that at meetings. I was amazed at how many men and women really related bcause food was an area they stuggled with. This is fundamental to why I go to NA vs AA. The primary purpose being to address alcoholism does help me because alcohol was a constant easy choice to abuse but by the time I got to meetings my whole life was absorbed in using drugs, alcohol or many other substitutes to get that feeling of comfort. I am not preaching just sharing my reasons for that choice. After having surgery I started drinking and I am always in pain due to arthritis and fibromyalgia. My first instinct was Ice cream. My second alcohol or pain pills. A light bulb went on and someone invited me to an NA meeting. Interestingly, the person who invited me was a hard core drug user and relapsed, went into treatment and is a strong member of AA now. Because in his words they are more direct, more hard core use or die.He needs that. Only you know if you can deal with the privacy issue. I lived my life with secrets and that tore me up. Today I tell the truth unless it would harm that person. It works for me. The trick is being honest with me. That one is the hardest. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Surgery is a personal health issue that not everyone will understand. Not everyone understands my choice to join a 12 step group either. I do not advertise it nor do I hide it. Listen to your heart. Kindred soul, Laurie