Hard

I have had a couple of hard days. Today was perfect in every way, but I was thinking about my Dad, who just died, and not in a good way (thinking that is ...remembering...he wasn't as great as he made himself out to be...sisters are too young to know, so it's my mantle). Thinking about what the hell I am going to do with my step-mom, who I absolutely detest. Filial piety or say enough of the put downs and abuse? I have some big decisions to make. I know I have to be strong and see it through, but a part of me would't mind a gin and tonic! I see my posts have zero, zero, zero responses. Is it because you want to be anonymous, or are you lazy? I can't turn this into a blog. I need help. Vicki

Hi Vicki, I just found this messageboard. I will say I would have had a problem responding awhile ago. I do not advertise my demons but I know that sharing my experience hope and strength and hearing others has saved my ass. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. One thing I have learned is that I do not have to be alone in dealing with my felings unless I isolate. I realize you wrote this a couple of days ago... I really hope you are doing better today. Feel free to e mail me or simply write back on the board. I am not afraid to message. Laurie 316/180

I have been scared to comment on this subject. Demons is a good way to put it. I feel for you. We all have our temptations. I just had my surgery a month ago. At 3 weeks out i couldn't take it anymore! I drank 6 beers! Thay did nothing for me! No buzz! Probably because i drank them too slow. But the point is I still drank!!! I even tried red wine the next night to see if I could get drunk with that. No luck either. Maybe that is a good thing. I still want nothing more than to drink a cold beer to the head! I think this surgery was a way for me to save my life. My mom and her dad are alcoholics. Hubby is a chef and he and I have put down our share of drinks. With this surgery he has greatly cut down, but it can be difficult to see him enjoying the occasional beer during a football game. It just sucks!!! Sorry I have ranted on so long. Just never had the guts before to ever say anything about this subject. Thanks Vicki for bringing it out. I feel a little better knowing I am not all alone. Keep your head up. you have done an amazing job so far.This too shall pass. Renee