Into action/acceptance

I used to hate it when I went to AA mtgs and old timers would quote the book or use all of the cutesy phrases, but look at my title! You 12 steppers recognize it. Well, what a difference a night's sleep makes! Never underestimate the reaally cutesy phrase, HALT. I know I was very emotional yesterday due to sleep deprivation. HOWEVER, that in no way invalidates my experience. Maybe I "shouldn't" have been feeling those feelings, but I was. And I would rather sound whiney and irrational on the board than pick up a drink. So, I did what I needed to do to take care of my side of the street. I left a message with the Dr.s office stating I hadn't seen the doc and was going to inform the insurance company. I then called my insurance company and let them know what was happening. That's really all I can do, and the rest is out of my control. What IS in my control is my reaction to things. Bottom line, the worst thing that can come out of this is not the having to pay the $28.90 patient portion. It's the 3 pounds I gained overnight and the feeling groggy and unclean that resulted in my turning to food for comfort. And that is something I absolutely did to myself. No one at the docs or ins. co was standing over me forcing food down my throat. Oh well, progress not perfection. Like I said yesterday, it was all worth the lessons learned. 1. Don't wallow in self-pity, resentments and dwell on injustices. Take action and be responsible for taking care of your best interests. 2. Nobody suffers when I abuse my body except myself. It's the old drinking poison and expecting the other guy to die 3. When I'm trapped in the house, as I was yesterday with my car in the shop, have a readily available method for stress relief. I usually go to the gym. What I ended up doing was pulling out a paperback and read. Took my mind of things. Sure the kitchen was a mess, hubby came home and complained, but he doesn't fully appreciate that it sometimes comes down to do you want a dirty kitchen or a drunk wife? 4. Not everything is going to go my way in life. I may well have to pay the money. Fact is, it is the word of the Doc against a drunk in de-tox. And there's no one who caused that except myself (notice I didn't say blame) 5. Once I've done what I needed to do, let it go. Dwelling about any further beyond this post only pollutes my life unneccessarily. From here on out, I AM in control of how this affects my life, if at all. So, who says you can't teach a dog new tricks. ALL of this is stuff I already well know. Practicing when push comes to shove is another matter. That's when the real danger of a relapse becomes a reality. Talk the talk, sure. But walk the walk, easy when things are going my way, easy to forget when they're not. Did I throw in enough sayings to make you want to puke? If so, I have done my deed for the day! Off to the gym to attach these 3 pounds. I can sit on my butt at home and brood, or sit my butt on the bike and give myself an endorphin boost and sense of control and well-being. Such is life. And you know, the best thing is, it only took me less than a day to get over it. It didn't have to fester for days, weeks, months, maybe longer. Now that really IS progress!!!! Vicki