alchohol, cocaine, ciggarettes,now fat?????

Hi everyone1 i have been visiting obesity help for about 6 months now....first time actually looking at a differant forum. I am pre-op currently waiting on insurance. for me the wls is another step at changing my lifestlye...i belive i am relativly strong in recovery however what struggle might i face after loseing a bunch and looking in the mirror....ya know stinkin thinkin. lucily all tho i havent brought it up much i believe my home group would be supportive of me talking about it in meeting. what i was hopeing for is feedback. Any post-ops out there that have had a good recovery that ran into some sticky ...emotional...vanity and other situations which may have led to drinking/useing and or thoughts of the such. i imagine the ball game changes a little after surgery.....the steps and the work is the same. well feedback is what i am looking for.......thanks.......michelle

It's really good that you're thinking about this right now because the light bulb didn't go off for me until 2 years post-op. Months, maybe even a year Post-op, suddenly I found myself being able to wear sexy clothes, hang with attractive people and half-ass feeling like I was on their sex appeal level for the first time in a very long time. It really went to my head. I started going out A LOT more and then next thing you know, I'm a regular at the bars with 3 kids at home and a husband that supported my new found false confidence, but really wished that I was home more. Then it got to the point that sexy just wasn't sexy enough - that there were lots of girls younger and hotter - and I needed more attention so I started drinking more and doing more things to demand attention while out - you know, stupid things that sloppy, pathetic drunks do. I have been sober now for 4 months (after 23 years of on and off drinking but totally at peace with my life now) and now realize that the reason behind my resurgence of partying was due to self-esteem issues. I partied hard before my lap band but really did quit post-op to concentrate on my weight loss and found a whole new set of problems (trying to hang with the "skinny" folks while still emotionally feeling like the ugly duckling). I now know that the hard partying pre-op was because I was always the "funny, fat girl" (using food/liquor/cigarettes as my crutch) and then afterwards I felt like the "older and just not sexy enough girl" so basically it was all linked to self image and self esteem so just because you lose the weight, make sure that you're not depending on alcohol or drugs to define WHO YOU ARE. Building a healthy interior is just as important as the exterior!!! Do not beat yourself up if you are worried about how life will be afterwards. Life will be happier and healthier if you make it that way and you're already in recovery which is half the battle. Don't think of it as "Stinkin' Thinkin' (an AA'er perhaps?) but see it as the fact that you were strong enough to recognize what's going on in your life and that you are able to transform the thought into something positive. For help with self empowerment and self esteem, maybe check out some literature or workbooks from Womenforsobriety.org. Good luck on your surgery and I hope that it helps you. Take Care, T (Lap Band 6/03; -appx 85-90lbs)