Serenity is in inverse proportion to.....
anyone who answers gets an automatic ten points!
Expectations.
Geez, will I ever learn? Went on vacation, things didn't go as planned, hubby threw a fit. He hates spontaneity, I love it. I so wanted to show the kids DC and spend NY w/ a fellow wlser. Went to the gym, came home happy at 9 am, ready to roll, and was blasted from here to eternity. Who the hell knows why. Still don't. Ever feel trapped against a wall, no way to escape? Anyway, he left with the rental car, left me in my sis' house when she was away and I was in no terms to be there. She came back, found me drinking beer. Well, then hubby walks in and you can write your own script.
I was wrong. I seem to look forward to things like holidays and vacations and am so disappointed when hubby just wants to sloth.
But guess what? That suited me just fine when I was creeping from 180 to 370! I was totally enabled. To be honest, I trained him for 10 years to suit me. Now I've lost over 200 pounds, have a new lease on life and want to embrace it, then get totally decimated emotionally when he won't join in.
Damn, and I was near perfect!!! Oh well, live and learn and try not to burn all of my bridges along the way.
Not to justify myself, but I relapsed for 1 day. Dad had diabetes and drank everyday and had glaucoma from it and would have gone blind if he hadn't died from other causes first. But to stepmom, he's a saint and I am the scum of the Earth. I wouldn't care, but in her grief, she has somehow thought it was a good idea to mount a major campaign against me, all behind my back, so people are calling me thinking I'm near death and wasted. Geeez! They'll drink more this weekend than I've drank in the past year!
Problem is, I never know if that one or two will take me out for good, especially with wls.
Vicki
I'd like to saY,
GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!!!!
But then, reality sets in. Sure, there's people out there who can handle themselves just fine-that is, financially, independently,etc. I haVE three kids and a SUPER JERK for a husband. In my current fat state, theres no way I could work or emotionally handle being on the outside-on my own. The one isolating him or her self is seeking their own selfish desire. Yes, this is what I've been taught. What are feelings?-Does it really matter that much??- I can't imagine that we have that much selfish desire within. If your husband leaves, let him go, it was not meant to be. If you just want to get out-go for a long drive across the state or town.There's another one like him right around the corner.
Nah, he's great most of the time. My family is downright in your face aggressive and rude, overbearing. Sis and he were bound to get in a quarrel...just surpised they lasted as long as they did. Otherwise, we had a great time. Half of it was fully my part.
He's seen me throug incresidbly through so much these past few years, it's realy amazing he stuck around with me. And I'm sure no pushover or domestic goddess!
Every marriage has spats. How to cope with them without eating or drinking is definitely an acquired skill, one of which I'm working on daily, as you can tell from my posts.
Still, it was better to vent here than te get on the pity pot and pick up to solace myself. Less embarrasing too, to splay myself to you all, instead of splay myself dead drunk on the floor!!!!
Vicki
Gotta get my 10 points. Heehee
Read your post. You write beautifully. We share a common problem, with the hubby thing. I feel so left out of life. I feel like he is just fine with the fact that life is passing quickly by. I don't want to blame him. I let myself turn into someone even I am ashamed of, so it is not all of his fault. I wish that I had more to look forward to in the marriage department sometimes. Dreaming about what you want to be and who you want to be is great. Doing who and what you want to be is awsome. We both have to find our way. I wish you all of the luck and prayers. It is nice to know that I am not alone.
s
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