Uncomfortable food pendulum

Happy Monday All! New week, new resolve. Two weeks until Christmas...time to focus and do what's right so we can kick back and enjoy the holidays w/o guilt or remorse. The pro-active approach is waaay better than the band-aid approach and all of its' physical and emotional consquences. Won't it be great to start the New Year sober? And lighter! Love those first night things so many cities have where you can party in the streets all night with live music, no drugs or alcohol. OK, time to put on the brakes with my eating. Since reaching goal I've gradually developed the eating pattern of not eating much for a week or so, then eating ravenously for a couple of days, repeat. Now this is how my normie family eats regularly...just follow what the body wants and don't think about it (not emotional eating, purely physical need). I know my body has settled into a normal pattern, but I've never experienced normal before, and I feel uncomfortable with it. The brain says it's OK, but the fear of fat lingers in the background. I woke up this morning feeling uneasy; I know because I feel I've eaten a lot these last 3 days, and I'm close to my upper limit. Boy, we can get really freaky with the control issues, if we let ourselves, can't we? Hard to relax and trust our selves, our bodies. Hard to turn it over. Not to whine about it. Black and white, two ways to go. Eat bad food choices, get fat. That's not what I'm doing now, but there's always the fear of going over the edge and getting out of control. Like relapsing with alcohol, where I KNOW what drink will send me on a surefire bender. Don't think I ever will do a bender with food, but I sure as heck remember what it felt like. The desperation..ugh! Or I can do what I have to do to take care of myself. This is the obvious choice, and one to which I will adhere as of this very moment. Still, I wonder, will I ever get truly comfortable? I'm 90% there. Maybe hanging onto that 10% is a good thing. Off to the gym today even tho' my ribs hurt so bad last night I couldn't sleep. They must be bruised...it's been a week since I wiped out on my bike. The old grey mare, she ain't what she used to be! Whatever happened to being made of rubber and bouncing back in a day or two???? Vicki